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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,861
Good to hear your update @annielou. As I thought might happen it seems your mother is still confused but more settled when she has people round her 24/7. This bodes well for settling in a care home. I know that isn't what your mum or you want, but it is what she needs, so stand firm if there is any suggestion of her coming home.
Thinking of you all {{{hugs}}}
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,688
South coast
I can only add to the general consensus that your mum needs to be in a care home.

Dont let the last visit beguile you into thinking "see, she is much better now, she knew who I was - she will be fine to go home and I can continue looking after her"

Remember what the lady on the ward said - that she is trying to abscond from the ward. She will continue doing that if she goes home now and next time she might not be so lucky,
xx
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
Thanks for your replies xxxxx
Gosh I'm so nervous today The nurse told my sister on saturday that when the DR comes round today he'll say mum is medically fit for discharge and then they'll pass her onto hospital SW, OT and physios and they'll start assessing her and speak to her SW and us. I don't know when they'll get round to speaking to us but I'm on tenterhooks for when they do. It might not even be today. Sis doesn't know whether to go home today or wait. She was going to come friday to monday to see mum for weekend anyway but then mum went out wednesday evening and then to hospital so sis came down thursday. She wants to be here when they decide whats happening with mum to help arrange things but really should be back at work tomorrow. The nurse said it doesn't take weeks to sort now but didn't know how long it would be before mum is actually discharged, so sis doesn't know if to hang around in case it's soon or if its going to be a while to go home as she can't just take loads of time off.
I'm really worried they'll decide that mum tries going back home with maximum carers package first and then SS will take her respite option away and mum will be sent home. I'd love that to work but I can't see it working and much as I dread the thought of mum having to go into a CH when she doesn't want to, especially now during covid restrictions, I really think it's the safest thing for her. Its a weird thing hoping for something mum doesn't want and we don't want either but I am so scared that she'll come home and leave again.
That's the reason we didn't tag her clothes just in case they remove the respite option because if mum came home and saw the tags I think she'd be upset and angry with us and it'd make things harder. I feel like whenever we plan something it goes wrong so I kind of daren't tag things yet. We have the proper tags I ordered them when we had last assessment just in case, but I'm scared to jump the gun and use them till someone says for definate mum is going to need them.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,794
South East
I would be surprised if it was drawn out as the hospital want to get the beds free , so I would hope it’s done pretty quick, plus so much being done online now with the virus that it shouldn’t be so long . Hard to know with sister what she should do , who knows how long these things take , I would of thought at the very least a couple of days . SW did say she thought your mum needed 24hr care and get her there and they would assess and talk her into staying so can’t see she will go back on that after the crisis last week . Can imagine completely how you feel , apprehension and worry it’s awful the not knowing . Hope you get some answers soon . 🤗 Xx
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
762
Lytham St Annes
Then get the pen for the short term. But a simple explanation to Mum would be the hospital and Dr told you to label her clothes as she needed respite after her injuries etc.....

Please try and forget that they will send Mum home, she is not safe at home.....even if had carers 23.45min of day she would still be at risk, so it’s not possible it’s a safeguard issue now with what’s happened.....that’s why people need a Care home for this stage.

You need to be strong and as I’ve said reiterate to all who ask that after what has happened and the build up to this crisis your Mum is unsafe to be at home alone for any length of time unsupervised, no amount of visiting care can remove this risk.

It is now over to social services to determine care needs and ultimately they are responsible for decisions made.....you will be holding them totally responsible for the provision of care your Mum now requires.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
512
Dear @annielou
I can imagine how nervous you are feeling and just hoping that things go well to get your mum the cafe she needs.
I am sure you would benefit from your sister's support and input, would her work not give her "compassionate" leave.?
I was exactly the same about being worried that mum would see name tags ( had the snappy tags) , but I put most on the "wash labels" , which were out of view, and sewed in a few and she didn't register them at all.
Good advice to say hospital/respite need them, she shouldn' t be going home (stay strong), so it would tie in with that too.
Sending hugs xx
 

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
943
I hope you will feel better once the decision is made,the uncertainty is nerve wracking.Just to reiterate,no one wants to go in to care home,but needs trump wants at the stage your Mum is at.If hospital do suggest going home be very firm that you can no longer provide the support you have been doing and tell them it is now their responsibility to ensure your Mum has the care she needs.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,921
Chester
I've been away but reading your posts.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's wandering and hospital stay, although hopefully it is the crisis that gets things sorted.

It is so frustrating waiting for the wheels to turn but needing to be available. Hospitals seem to work at a different speed to the rest of the world, nothing seems to happen for ages and then it all seems to happen at once.

Please keep repeating everytime you speak to anyone what happened, your mum isn't safe at home, you can't provide the required level of care, mum is a vulnerable adult, SS have a duty of care, not you.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
762
Lytham St Annes
Another just popping in for news, been thinking of you all day.

I know it’s so hard but this is out of your hands, your Mum needs professional care now.

Your not letting her down, your fighting to keep her safe and to get the care she needs, and that’s exactly what she would expect you to do - if she only knew and understood how much she needs it x x x.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,712
Yorkshire
Found out today that mum has had a right occipital stroke. It's a shock. The hospital OT rang my sister this afternoon to talk about mum and mentioned mums stroke. We knew nothing about this, but apparently she had a scan on the 14th that showed she'd had one, that would have been friday. We did wonder why she had moved wards when i arrived on saturday, but nobody told us about anything, including that she had swapped wards until I turned up.
Mum went in to hospital wednesday night and was admitted to AMU in the early hours of thursday morning. I called the hospital thursday morning to see how mum was, she'd been put on antibiotics as had raised infection markers and they were waiting for another urine sample and DR to see her and check if any infection. DR rang me late morning and said bloods etc all fine, she was ok but they wanted to see about support at home before discharge so I told him what mum had been like and I couldn't keep her safe, he said he would go away and look into it. I rang hospital later in afternoon and nurse said mum was being admitted to care for the elderly ward later that day for assessment of what she'd need before discharge and to ring next morning about visiting.
Friday I rang to arrange visit on that ward and the ward sister asked me a bit bout mum and asked me to bring SWs number with me, which I did when I visitied. Saturday sis went to visit that ward and nurse said mum would be in over weekend as medically no need to be seen by DR over weekend so the DR would see her monday and probaby say medically fit for discharge and then they'd start assessment for her discharge.
I went to visit her sunday and when I buzzed care for the elderly ward the nurse said mum was across on other ward opposite. That was the stroke ward, I asked both nurses who answered buzzers if mum was ok cos she'd moved and both said yes, neither said why she'd moved. We thought maybe as not using all parts of hospital in same way at moment due to covid and also building work going on they used that ward as overflow ward cos opposite other.
Today sis went to see mum she said mum was ok but maybe a bit more subdued today, she didn't ask sis if she was takign her home but told sis she was leaving before friday cos she'd been there a month on friday. Sis also spoke to nurse as she left who said mum had been quite confused and upset last night and wanted to go home as his shift was finishing. He also said they'd put mum on omneprazole as she'd said felt like upset tummy (prob all the tablets together) Sis had sneaked a look at mums chart when she was there and it said she was on folic acid and also another tablet which sis thought was a steroid. It said on chart mum had been unsettled last night and sat in dining room with someone for quite a while a couple of times so looks like she'd had a bad time sundowning.
Sis also spoke to discharge planner and told her bit bout mum and she said mum hadn't seen DR yet but assessment would be starting today, she took some numbers again off sis. The Ot rang this afternoon and thats when she mentioned the occipital stroke, the ct scan on friday and said they were going to give mum an mri too. Sis and I were quite surprised, OT said it affects the vision, the eye sees an object but then the brain can't say what it is, so her eye might see a cup but her brain may process it only as a blob and she won't know what it is. She said she needed to see if this would affect mums ability to do things. She'd spoke to mum a bit earlier, though mum was more concerned with lady in next bed looking uncomfy and OT said she was going to go back to speak to her again later but wanted to speak to us a bit first.
We talked a bit about how mum says she's fine and can do everything but doesn't and a few of the things she struggles with and about her wanting to leave and then leaving on wednesday and mixing up and thinking in a different time frame with old memories. She said they were thinking mum would be unable to cope at home and would need full time care, we told her mums SW said the same and we also thought same. She said they would also be looking at mums capacity as wasn't sure still had capacity. She said that since covid they want to get patients out of hospital as quickly as possible so they would do short assessment to say mum not fit enough to go home yet as she is and needs further assessment, then they'd get nhs funding for a residential bed in a home, but it would be any home and they didn't wait for beds, then they would assess if mum needed carers or full time care from there. She didn't think carers was enough or would work. We told OT she already had 4 weeks respite and we knew of emi home with bed free so she said she'd make a note for case team who looked. She said we didn't usually get to pick unless it was a private one and family paid the difference. She thought it may be in next few days. She said she was going to ring mums SW and then go back to chat some more with mum. We'd told her mum can get upset and defensive and angry if thinks saying can't or should do something and OT said she'd go softly and slip things into general chat and say looking at her maybe just going somewhere to recuperate for little bit rather than looking at permanent care.
She rang back after little while to say spoke to SW and also SW rang back to say spoke to OT. SW said she had told OT she didn't want mum going into a home and having to move, she wanted her to go in and stay put so they should try to get her into home we chose. She said she had already said she wanted mum in permanent care so once in mum would be staying in, she wouldn't be coming out. She said if we needed to talk to her just ring. OT said mum might have to wait few days for MRI as not urgent, it was more a diagnostic scan so she may stay there till had it or go to assessment bed first she didn't know yet but would let us know when did and was going to go talk to DR and mum.
Then she rang back to say as she went back to talk to DR, mum was trying to leave ward and getting upset and she said they were going to put a DOLs in place to keep her there as even when they told her she needed to stay till had MRI mum said she was going home. I don't think she was going to go back to speak to mum then as she was upset and there'd be no point so think she'd leave it till tomorrow.
So it looks like mum is not happy and is still wanting to leave and they are struggling to keep her on the ward and settled now. Also mum seems to be on more tablets now but we've not been told what and we didn't know anything about the scan and occipital stroke till this afternoon talking to OT. It seems odd that nurse and other DR we spoke to on other days/calls seemed to think DR would say mum's physically fit for discharge today and didn't mention scan or anything. Sis and I wondered if they'd got wrong person at first as when I was visiting mum yesterday there was another woman in her room who said she'd had ct scan when she came in on friday and thought she might be leaving monday after MRI scan and we wondered if it was her they were thinking of as OT didn't have all mums notes when she rang cos the DR had them. Mum did say I think I've to have a scan as well when the woman said it on saturday but I thought that was mum just getting mixed up as she also thought one of other beds was hers and the other womans wash bag which she'd left on a chair was hers too, but she was on the stroke ward.
As mums waiting for a scan and other bits have to happen so mum might be there for few days now sis decided after lots of to-ing and fro-ing to go home this evening. She's supposed to be working tomorrow and her work is manic at moment, its my nieces birthday on thursday and she's some things to sort at home too with house and kids. She'll still be able to talk to people and me on phone, just won't be here in person but at moment it's a bit of a waiting game anyway. She said she'd come back at weekend with boyfriend if things need sorting but I said wait and see what happens.
Don't know when mums going to be moved or where to yet. Tonight hubby and I drove by the home we'd sort of decided on and it looked rather tired and grubby on outside. The woodwork looked really tired and there were weeds growing down the side and a couple of windows on side of building had dull looking nets up. It put me off a bit but we were struggling to find another EMI type home that didn't have to pay top ups and that had good cqc rating and carehome reviews. So I just hope it's ok
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
762
Lytham St Annes
Wow a lot to take in for you all, I am so pleased that the SW has finally stepped up and done her job....and is finally on side which is positive.

When my uncle was in hospital and he was in a lot....the first thing I did was get his notes and sit and read them. The nurses didn’t have time to update me but if I read something I was unsure of I asked for nurse in charge.
I found they were very forthcoming with information when asked, but they didn’t really divulge much otherwise, except general chit chat round the bed.

Regards to the care home....unless you pay your never really going to get the beautiful posh and fancy homes.....my husband is a carer and where he last worked it cost £2000 a week, but was like a five star hotel. Now he works in much smaller country house, set in beautiful grounds, but needs cosmetic work, only 15 residents, but costs £700 ish......both homes have differences but for me CQC reports and reviews are far more important than needing a lick of paint or new carpet.....

Take the time now and spend it with your husband and try and relax a little bit....xx
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,012
North West
Found out today that mum has had a right occipital stroke. It's a shock. The hospital OT rang my sister this afternoon to talk about mum and mentioned mums stroke. We knew nothing about this, but apparently she had a scan on the 14th that showed she'd had one, that would have been friday. We did wonder why she had moved wards when i arrived on saturday, but nobody told us about anything, including that she had swapped wards until I turned up.
Mum went in to hospital wednesday night and was admitted to AMU in the early hours of thursday morning. I called the hospital thursday morning to see how mum was, she'd been put on antibiotics as had raised infection markers and they were waiting for another urine sample and DR to see her and check if any infection. DR rang me late morning and said bloods etc all fine, she was ok but they wanted to see about support at home before discharge so I told him what mum had been like and I couldn't keep her safe, he said he would go away and look into it. I rang hospital later in afternoon and nurse said mum was being admitted to care for the elderly ward later that day for assessment of what she'd need before discharge and to ring next morning about visiting.
Friday I rang to arrange visit on that ward and the ward sister asked me a bit bout mum and asked me to bring SWs number with me, which I did when I visitied. Saturday sis went to visit that ward and nurse said mum would be in over weekend as medically no need to be seen by DR over weekend so the DR would see her monday and probaby say medically fit for discharge and then they'd start assessment for her discharge.
I went to visit her sunday and when I buzzed care for the elderly ward the nurse said mum was across on other ward opposite. That was the stroke ward, I asked both nurses who answered buzzers if mum was ok cos she'd moved and both said yes, neither said why she'd moved. We thought maybe as not using all parts of hospital in same way at moment due to covid and also building work going on they used that ward as overflow ward cos opposite other.
Today sis went to see mum she said mum was ok but maybe a bit more subdued today, she didn't ask sis if she was takign her home but told sis she was leaving before friday cos she'd been there a month on friday. Sis also spoke to nurse as she left who said mum had been quite confused and upset last night and wanted to go home as his shift was finishing. He also said they'd put mum on omneprazole as she'd said felt like upset tummy (prob all the tablets together) Sis had sneaked a look at mums chart when she was there and it said she was on folic acid and also another tablet which sis thought was a steroid. It said on chart mum had been unsettled last night and sat in dining room with someone for quite a while a couple of times so looks like she'd had a bad time sundowning.
Sis also spoke to discharge planner and told her bit bout mum and she said mum hadn't seen DR yet but assessment would be starting today, she took some numbers again off sis. The Ot rang this afternoon and thats when she mentioned the occipital stroke, the ct scan on friday and said they were going to give mum an mri too. Sis and I were quite surprised, OT said it affects the vision, the eye sees an object but then the brain can't say what it is, so her eye might see a cup but her brain may process it only as a blob and she won't know what it is. She said she needed to see if this would affect mums ability to do things. She'd spoke to mum a bit earlier, though mum was more concerned with lady in next bed looking uncomfy and OT said she was going to go back to speak to her again later but wanted to speak to us a bit first.
We talked a bit about how mum says she's fine and can do everything but doesn't and a few of the things she struggles with and about her wanting to leave and then leaving on wednesday and mixing up and thinking in a different time frame with old memories. She said they were thinking mum would be unable to cope at home and would need full time care, we told her mums SW said the same and we also thought same. She said they would also be looking at mums capacity as wasn't sure still had capacity. She said that since covid they want to get patients out of hospital as quickly as possible so they would do short assessment to say mum not fit enough to go home yet as she is and needs further assessment, then they'd get nhs funding for a residential bed in a home, but it would be any home and they didn't wait for beds, then they would assess if mum needed carers or full time care from there. She didn't think carers was enough or would work. We told OT she already had 4 weeks respite and we knew of emi home with bed free so she said she'd make a note for case team who looked. She said we didn't usually get to pick unless it was a private one and family paid the difference. She thought it may be in next few days. She said she was going to ring mums SW and then go back to chat some more with mum. We'd told her mum can get upset and defensive and angry if thinks saying can't or should do something and OT said she'd go softly and slip things into general chat and say looking at her maybe just going somewhere to recuperate for little bit rather than looking at permanent care.
She rang back after little while to say spoke to SW and also SW rang back to say spoke to OT. SW said she had told OT she didn't want mum going into a home and having to move, she wanted her to go in and stay put so they should try to get her into home we chose. She said she had already said she wanted mum in permanent care so once in mum would be staying in, she wouldn't be coming out. She said if we needed to talk to her just ring. OT said mum might have to wait few days for MRI as not urgent, it was more a diagnostic scan so she may stay there till had it or go to assessment bed first she didn't know yet but would let us know when did and was going to go talk to DR and mum.
Then she rang back to say as she went back to talk to DR, mum was trying to leave ward and getting upset and she said they were going to put a DOLs in place to keep her there as even when they told her she needed to stay till had MRI mum said she was going home. I don't think she was going to go back to speak to mum then as she was upset and there'd be no point so think she'd leave it till tomorrow.
So it looks like mum is not happy and is still wanting to leave and they are struggling to keep her on the ward and settled now. Also mum seems to be on more tablets now but we've not been told what and we didn't know anything about the scan and occipital stroke till this afternoon talking to OT. It seems odd that nurse and other DR we spoke to on other days/calls seemed to think DR would say mum's physically fit for discharge today and didn't mention scan or anything. Sis and I wondered if they'd got wrong person at first as when I was visiting mum yesterday there was another woman in her room who said she'd had ct scan when she came in on friday and thought she might be leaving monday after MRI scan and we wondered if it was her they were thinking of as OT didn't have all mums notes when she rang cos the DR had them. Mum did say I think I've to have a scan as well when the woman said it on saturday but I thought that was mum just getting mixed up as she also thought one of other beds was hers and the other womans wash bag which she'd left on a chair was hers too, but she was on the stroke ward.
As mums waiting for a scan and other bits have to happen so mum might be there for few days now sis decided after lots of to-ing and fro-ing to go home this evening. She's supposed to be working tomorrow and her work is manic at moment, its my nieces birthday on thursday and she's some things to sort at home too with house and kids. She'll still be able to talk to people and me on phone, just won't be here in person but at moment it's a bit of a waiting game anyway. She said she'd come back at weekend with boyfriend if things need sorting but I said wait and see what happens.
Don't know when mums going to be moved or where to yet. Tonight hubby and I drove by the home we'd sort of decided on and it looked rather tired and grubby on outside. The woodwork looked really tired and there were weeds growing down the side and a couple of windows on side of building had dull looking nets up. It put me off a bit but we were struggling to find another EMI type home that didn't have to pay top ups and that had good cqc rating and carehome reviews. So I just hope it's ok
Morning @annielou
What a week so far. Just to say small strokes are sometimes found incidentally on scans -did you ask if it was an old stroke.

Its a tough journey at this stage and not easy to take the next steps. But don't worry too much about what the care homes look like, more importantly is how the staff are. The first EMI unit I looked at was very posh and required a top-up fee of £179 a week, which I couldn't afford and got disheartened, but the EMI mum is in now isn't as poshly decorated, but essentially its the same/similar layout and a bonus -residents can decorate their rooms as they want, but most importantly the staff are great. Residents can have their pets too, and the home even has a cat who potters about between units, though she's often found snoozing in the admin in-tray.

Its been a long hard journey for you and your mum, so I hope you land on your feet with things for once.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,794
South East
Morning @annielou , I agree with @DianeW, my dad was in hospital many many times and we used to ask to speak to the dr for updates , we used to have to wait and found it really frustrating not knowing what was happening , covid must make it worse but please ask them for a full update . Great news SW has stepped up at long last . In relation to the stroke as others have said it’s not necessarily a new one , remember Sam luvit saying on her thread that they can tell when it occurred up to 14 days I think then after that it’s harder , so it may not be that recently . Hopefully you get more answers soon . Again about the home please don’t worry about the outside , better they spend money on care and staff than cosmetic , it’s the people inside who count . Hope you get some more clarity soon but it does sound like Mum is going to get the help she so desperately needs . Take care of you too 🤗🤗 xx
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
512
Such a stressful time for you Annielou, but good to hear the SW is now in agreement with you.
I hope they manage to keep your mum calm and you can have a good visit today. It can be frustrating trying to find out things at the hospital, so keep reading the notes , everyone has access to them,
Hoping that you manage to get your mum into your preferred home, definitely don't worry about lack of paint, read relatives reviews to get a good idea of what the home is like. Take care xx
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
747
@annielou so sorry you have had all these issues, from the crisis to battling with hospital officialdom. I went into hospital a lot as a child and we always had a tough job getting information out of anyone. I hope you here about a care home placement soon as it seems very much what is needed. Mummy was very happy at her home, so I believe this kind of care really can work.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,861
Hi @annielou, glad things are slowly moving in the right direction and that your mum can move to your preferred home shortly. I wouldn't worry about things looking a bit shabby, it's the care that is important.
Hope you have a good visit today, and manage to find out more about what's been going on and when they hope to discharge her to a home.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,688
South coast
It sounds a similar story to mum. She was admitted to hospital with a TIA and when she was fit for discharge she went to a care home for 6 weeks assessment. I didnt get to choose where she went and in fact, it was one that I had previously discounted when I was investigating care homes, as it was a bit run down, old fashioned and shabby. By the time she got to the end of her 6 weeks assessment, though, I knew it was the right place for her as the carers were wonderful. At the end of her 6 weeks there was a Best Interest meeting to decide whether mum would be able to go home with a care package, whether she should be moved to an other care/nursing home or whether she should stay in that home. It was unanimous that she should stay there.

Mum was happy in her care home and they looked after her right up to the end, so dont worry about the decor - its the care that is important.
 

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