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Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
417
Hi @annielou
I hope you managed to get some rest last night, your mind must be in turmoil.
As others have said try to get your mum's house keys, if she has them, and explain firmly to the hospital that you are not able to keep your mum safe and she needs respite.
Don't try to take your mum into respite, say you don't drive , and hospital must take her. This will be easier for you, it will be a very emotional time xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
I too think it very likely that the hospital will try and discharge her home, but the SW has xplained how to takee this forward.

Start talking to the manager of the home that will accept her for respite. Explain that you do not know whether she will be discharged home yet, but if she is, then you want her to go straight to respite. The manager will have come across this before.

The hospital can arrange transport to respite - when I reached carer breakdown OH was in hospital after a UTI and he went straight to a care home for respite in hospital transport.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Just catching up @annielou and I am so sorry this has happened. I am glad mum only has cuts and bruises. Remember no matter how well she does in tests on ward, the reason she is there is because she is not safe at home. This is not just a temporary infection. This is a chance to bridge across to a care home - get that place as @canary says and tell them you don't drive and mum will need transport there. Big hugs, this is a hard time now, but there have been so many hard times... you can do it.

P.S. your social worker absolutely boils my ****I would be well past being upset, I would be raging at them... they have allowed this to happen!
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Mum is still in hospital and we're not any further on, or know anymore about what is going to happen but I got to go see her today and drop her off a bag with a few clothes in. I rang this morning and asked if I could talk to someone about going to see mum and if she was staying in today. We arranged slot for me to visit mum at lunchtime today and ward sister asked how mum was coping at home and how her confusion was. I told her about mum being mixed up and talking about her mum, my dad and us as children and wanting to go looking for them more and more now and not knowing who I was most of the time which means sometimes I have to leave her and try to calm her down over the phone, but then she's on her own and sometimes that's bad too and that's how we'd ended up here. She asked me to take mums SWs number in with me when I went to visit, which I did, along with mine and my sisters mobiles, the MC no and also the OTs number who had called me before I went to hospital and said he would speak to them too if they wanted.
I went to see mum this lunchtime, she was happy to see me and though she did ask a few times if she could go home, say she'd been there too long and was bored, she didn't get upset when I said she still had stay a bit longer so they could make sure she was ok. She did say Our Andrea still hasn't been to see me but that's normal for mum. Her nose had started scabbing over and she had a few bruises coming out round her grazes, but she was ok. Boy oh boy she came out with a right story though about what had happened and where she'd been before she went in hospital, don't know where what she said came from but it was very weird. There were some bits she said that I figured were mixed up bits of memories from the police coming on wednesday and being in hospital and moving wards yesterday. She said she'd been scared when she was there, but she didn't seem distressed when she was telling me about it. I kept starting bits of conversation but mum kept going back to this story she thought had happened to her before she came in to hospital. I kept saying well it's over now and you're safe now, the nurses will look after you now, she'd say yes or nod and didn't seem scared then, she seemed quite calm while I was there.
I looked at the clock about 1/4 to 1 and mum said Do you have to go now? and I said Not yet I can stay till 1. Mum said Can I come see you off when you go? I said I don't think so I think you'll have to stay in here. Mum asked Why? so I said Cos there'll be other people coming in for next visit and they won't want lot of people on corridors passing. Mum said Ok. The lady opposite mum needed the loo but they brought her a commode and shut the curtains she didn't look up to walking. Mum said after a couple of minutes I want a wee. I said I'd check with nurse when she came back as she'd just gone to change gloves after helping lady opposite. Mum said We can walk about and go if we want I've been going all day. I said I'll just check where they are. Mum said Oh they're all over the place here I've never seen a place with so many loos. The nurse came back so I asked if we were alright to go to loo and where they were and then mum and I went. She asked if I had to go now and I said yep it'll be time for me to go now but I'll walk you back to your room. When we got to mums room I could see the next visitor in her room had arrived so thought I'd better not go in. Mum said Bye love, gave me a hug, said thanks for coming. I'd said See you soon. She said that's my bed, it wasn't it was another ladys the one with the visitor that had just arrived so I said The one at the end's yours mum, near the window and mum said Oh yeah and went in. The nurse said Thanks and said bye. I hung around at the door to watch mum got back to her chair ok and as she sat down she saw me and waved and smiled. I waved back said Bye and love you lots and mum said Bye love still smiling and waving.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Forgot to say at beginning of last post thanks you so much for all the replies xxxxxx it means such a lot and you are so helpful.
Also meant to say that as it happened when mum went into hospital we didn't bother taking her handbag so I locked up and kept her keys in my bag. I didn't think they would keep her in and thought we'd be bringing her home again later. I planned to go back to her house with her and sleep on her floor on her sofa cushions that night so I thought she didn't need to take her bag and it was just an extra thing for me to keep an eye. So if hospital do want to discharge her she can't get in if they send her home without us.
 

DianeW

Registered User
Sep 10, 2013
737
Lytham St Annes
I am glad that your Mum has settled and I think she will settle also in a Care home.

It’s good that you have her keys too.

Even though this is a very stressful time waiting for a decision on Mum and where she is going to, please don’t forget how impossible it is now for her to remain at home, her dementia may fluctuate but that still doesn’t mean she is safe to go back home alone.

Even if she had 4 carers a day and you......she still won’t be safe anytime she is alone and that means a Care home....

She is looking to find what no longer exists and refuses to believe reality and that’s where the danger lies.
Remember this could have ended very different, anything could have happened to her!!

Be strong and fight this now for your Mum’s safety, and stick to your guns......

You have the evidence now that she is unsafe alone, and it’s SS responsibility to protect her......don’t let them forget that please.

Try and relax now and have faith that finally your lovely Mum is going to get the 24 hour care she has long since needed.

I know it’s not easy, when my lovely uncle who I was very close to (he was like my Dad), had to go into a Care home after me looking after him for many years on my own, I was devastated, I didn’t want him to end his life in a Care home I wanted him with me.

I wanted to move to a bungalow with extra room for him and he live with me until the end, but I knew that wasn’t possible and I had to accept it.

Having said that he really settled well and was loved by all the carers.

I have no regrets because I know hand on heart I did the absolute best for him.

And you should feel that too, because you have done above and beyond for your lovely Mum too x
 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,655
South East
Well I take from that they aren’t going to just discharge her , fills me with a bit of confidence and hope that they will work together 🤞 Pleased you got to see mum and is sounds like she is quite calm and settled , probably because she isn’t alone so I agree with @DianeW the signs are she will settle perfectly well in a home . If you feel yourself start to waver please look at your posts , though I think the last few weeks you have had have confirmed mum needs 24hr support . Hope you are managing to get some sleep . Sending more hugs and strength to you all 🤗🤗💪❤.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,699
Thanks for the update @annielou, I’ve been thinking of you and your mum and as Quakers say ‘holding you in the light.’ Your mum is in the right place, it sounds nothing will happen until there has been a proper assessment. Glad your mum is settled even if she isn’t quite sure how she got there.
In the meantime rest as much as you can. You have a lot of sleep to catch up on.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
Im glad that your mum is OK and also glad that they are keeping her in a bit longer.

Your conversation with the ward sister makes me suspect that they are seeing the "Ive got to go to mums house" behaviour at the hospital too.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
417
Hi Annielou
I'm pleased that you had a good visit with your mum and she seems calmer.
It sounds like the nurse wants to speak with your mum's SW , so that sounds promising too xx
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
867
Hi @annielou, it's really difficult to think of Mum going to a care home even when you know it is the right decision. I think the calmness that Mum displays in the hospital shows what she needs. I hope Social Services finally provide the support that you and Mum deserve. All the best, stay strong.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Thanks for all the replies and support xxxx
After I got off phone with ward sister yesterday I said to hubby and my sister I think the hostess mode might be wearing off a bit as when she asked she sounded like she had seen the confusion, though she could just have been asking for info for assessment. Mum was talking yesterday about being moved from one hospital to another (think she maybe meant when she moved ward) and said she'd tried to go home but they wouldn't let her and she kept saying they couldn't keep her there and she swore at them. It was mixed up in this very weird story of how she got there too so I'm not sure if it was made up or if she had been telling drs and nurses off at some point.
We're on tenterhooks wondering if they're going to say we're discharging her today or keep her in, the not knowing is terrible. The CH my sister contacted has said that mum can go in either by planned discharge from hospital or if they discharge her we can take her in for respite. They think they have another new admission on monday and can't take two on the same day so if the hospital want to discharge mum on monday then she won't be able to go there then. We're hoping they will keep her in until they can send her to a CH but we've no idea what thinking as nobody has contacted us yet. We're a bit worried as we don't have LPA so don't know if they actually have to contact us about what's decided before doing it but so far the hospital have seemed happy to talk to us when we've rung but they have only rung us that once.
My sister is going in to see mum today as they say we can alternate visitors. I'm going to go over to mums wash some trousers and cardis as she often hangs them back up after worn them and sort a couple more outfits in case in hospital few more days and think I'll do a bit of cleaning while the washing is on. We're thinking as we're hoping mum will go to respite from hospital shall we start getting together and tagging clothes for it. If mum doesn't go in CH and notices the tags that will take some explaining but as it's what we're trying to do I think maybe start now.
Not sure what to pack or what she might want. I keep thinking she'll be on her own in a room for 2 weeks so shall I think of things for her to do like puzzle book, colouring book and can she takes sweets and biscuits?
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Thanks for all the replies and support xxxx
After I got off phone with ward sister yesterday I said to hubby and my sister I think the hostess mode might be wearing off a bit as when she asked she sounded like she had seen the confusion, though she could just have been asking for info for assessment. Mum was talking yesterday about being moved from one hospital to another (think she maybe meant when she moved ward) and said she'd tried to go home but they wouldn't let her and she kept saying they couldn't keep her there and she swore at them. It was mixed up in this very weird story of how she got there too so I'm not sure if it was made up or if she had been telling drs and nurses off at some point.
We're on tenterhooks wondering if they're going to say we're discharging her today or keep her in, the not knowing is terrible. The CH my sister contacted has said that mum can go in either by planned discharge from hospital or if they discharge her we can take her in for respite. They think they have another new admission on monday and can't take two on the same day so if the hospital want to discharge mum on monday then she won't be able to go there then. We're hoping they will keep her in until they can send her to a CH but we've no idea what thinking as nobody has contacted us yet. We're a bit worried as we don't have LPA so don't know if they actually have to contact us about what's decided before doing it but so far the hospital have seemed happy to talk to us when we've rung but they have only rung us that once.
My sister is going in to see mum today as they say we can alternate visitors. I'm going to go over to mums wash some trousers and cardis as she often hangs them back up after worn them and sort a couple more outfits in case in hospital few more days and think I'll do a bit of cleaning while the washing is on. We're thinking as we're hoping mum will go to respite from hospital shall we start getting together and tagging clothes for it. If mum doesn't go in CH and notices the tags that will take some explaining but as it's what we're trying to do I think maybe start now.
Not sure what to pack or what she might want. I keep thinking she'll be on her own in a room for 2 weeks so shall I think of things for her to do like puzzle book, colouring book and can she takes sweets and biscuits?
Normally she can take sweets and biscuits but not sure with COVID.I would just get on with tagging clothes rather than wait. Discharge can happen at anytime so I would get things prepared.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
417
Yes, definitely get on with tagging clothes, and getting together other things she will need to make her room seem homely, photos, favourite things etc.
I would ask your sister to let the nurse know about the care home you'd like your mum to go to, and explain it couldn't be Monday , so they would near to bear this in mind.
Repeat that it will not be safe for them to discharge your mum to her home.
It will be easier for mum to go straight from hospital to the care home. If she goes home, you may then struggle to get her to the care home, she may refuse .
Going from the hospital to convalesce will be less confusing for your mum I think.
If she goes home she may forget/deny she ever wandered off and was hurt .
Hope all goes well xx