Who am I ? I won't know myself soon!!!

[annielou]

Thanks for replies xxxx SW said mum cant have other carers than ones they provide as cant use other companies at same time. My sister thinks to do with responsibility if any problems or conflict between two agencies. So we’d have to cancel current ones first. Then if mum refuses them which is likely, we’re left with none until something is done. Which won’t be quick by sound of it and would still require me to step away and let something happen to mum to prove neglect or unsafe. Which I can’t bring myself to do currently. Mum not letting the carers in if we set them up is similar level to saying no to having them in first place, its mum making a choice albeit an unwise one. As evidence for a court order it doesn’t prove she is unsafe or neglecting herself any more than refusing them at assessment.
Unless mum agrees to respite/care home then we’re stuck as we are until there is some evidence mum is unsafe or she lacks capacity to make own decision and understand risks. Having SS carers might speed it up or might not, we aren’t sure but think it will cause extra stress currently so sis told SW to stick with her putting mum refused carers on report.

 

[anxious annie]

Hi Annielou
Hope your day was ok and your mum not too anxious.
I can understand you not wanting to get rid of your current carers as they seem to be working
You could ask SS if your mum could have a "personal budget" ( my mum had this so we could arrange carers rather than through SS ).
The personal budget was decided on her needs from the assessment and could be used to fund whatever was best for mum, we used it for some day care to stop mum feeling lonely, and some care at home visits.
Mum never did get on very well with carer visits as they would ask her if she needed anything and mum just said no she was fine!!
In the end, after advice from TP , we told the carers not to ask, but just to get on with microwaving a meal ( mum had her favourites we got from M&S, or there are some she had from Farm Foods. She seemed oblivious that they were microwave meals .
Mum said she didn't need carers, but my sister and I said that they helped us know that she hadn't had a fall etc .
There was a key safe so the carers could let themselves in, they did knock and then came in with a cheery hello. Mum was often hostile but they ignored this.
Perhaps this could help for your mum xx

 

[annielou]

Thanks @anxious annie x
Mum was quite calm today with not many questions, though she did ring not long after I got home a little upset saying that she knew I had been and she thought I'd not talked to her but I managed keep things light and she sounded calmer and less upset after five minutes chat about today.
One of SWs mentioned personal budgets before but said mum would need seperate bank account for it to go in to and mum doesn't have much ID for opening one so we were a bit worried couldn't do it, but later when SW came out to do previous assessment she didn't offer it anyway. Just offered their carers they arranged and told us we'd have to pay mums AA to them for mums part. Our LA don't seem to do lot of things that others I've read about do.
Mum's not allowed to have a key safe on property as rented and not allowed but by time current carers come mums door is unlocked anyway. They knocked and waited to be let in at first, but once they'd been coming a while now they often knock, wait a mo and then come in saying hello. I think when they start doing weekend morning visits they'll have to wait for mum to unlock door as earlier on. We're hoping as using same agency and just coming to do tablets rather than to get her to do something else like wash she'll be ok.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Just sending you hugs today ?????

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Bikerbeth x
I think I need a slap a lot of the time and a good shake to get a grip but I'll take your hugs gratefully x
Here's some back ? ????

 

[Bikerbeth]

I sometimes have an image of you on a roundabout ( the sort that we used to go on as children not the ones in the road) and it is spinning faster and faster and you just need it to stop for a while to get your balance back. ? ? ? ?
thank you for the hugs back - at the moment I might just put them in the store cupboard for when needed

 

[Starting on a journey]

Hi, I can’t understand why the local authority would not allow key safes on its elderly persons bungalows.
I would check again in case someone has fed you the wrong information. It really does not make sense.
Apart from that glad you had a good day and try mum on memantine, it has been a game changer for my mum so you never know ...

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Bikerbeth @Starting on a journey xx Keep the hugs in reserve if you like @Bikerbeth . It is like a roundabout and rolleroaster and I would love to get off as fed up of feeling sick and dizzy and not knowing what I'm doing and feeling.
@Starting on a journey Sorry if was confusing, I was meaning things like personal budget for LA. Mums house isn't a local authority bungalow, she used to live in council properties, and often thinks she still does bless her, but her bungalow is owned by a local almshouse charity. I remember us looking in her resident handbook about key safes when first considering carers last year and unfortunately said can't have them. If it was a council one I'm sure it would have been allowed by local one as seen them, on road of bungalows I go on bus route there are a few I've spotted with key safes. I don't think it'll matter though, I think/hope mum will let current agency in. If she decided not to she has a bolt on door on inside of porch door and so if really didn't want them in she could put bolt on, and even with key they couldn't get in, but I'm hopeful it'll be ok with current agency carers like it is now.
Good to hear it's helping your mum, we're hoping memantine will be helpful to mum and be good for her as not much else MC can suggest. Sertraline was working well at first but not as well recently even after increase to max dose and I hate to see mum so het up.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Just to add to what @canary said: If SS put their carers in and your mum refuses to let them in, SS can't just walk away from the situation! They seem to have gone out of their way to imply 'she won't let our carers in so you'll just have to do it. There is nothing else we can do - it has to go to court...'

That's not exactly true. SS still have duty of care even if your mum won't let carers in. More likely, it would be another tick on their list to say your mum does need a care home.

 

[Woo2]

Hi @annielou , are you ok ? Have missed seeing your posts . Hope all is as well as can be . Sending hugs ? ? ? ? X

 

[Bikerbeth]

Good point @Woo2
Hope you are having a break from here rather than a crisis ?

 

[annielou]

Yes all ok here thank you x, mum's been quite calm and almost on best behaviour this week. Still been coming on just didn't post on here yesterday. Didn't have anything new to post and thought I'd try having a break from posting same things and blow by blows everyday. Mums weekend morning tablet visits start tomorrow and sister came down today so I'm hoping to get few extra hours with hubby, will see how goes, looking bit iffy so far. as called twice tonight in tears bless her. Will just have to see how it goes ?
Hope all ok as can be xx

 

[imthedaughter]

Yes all ok here thank you x, mum's been quite calm and almost on best behaviour this week. Still been coming on just didn't post on here yesterday. Didn't have anything new to post and thought I'd try having a break from posting same things and blow by blows everyday. Mums weekend morning tablet visits start tomorrow and sister came down today so I'm hoping to get few extra hours with hubby, will see how goes, looking bit iffy so far. as called twice tonight in tears bless her. Will just have to see how it goes ?
Hope all ok as can be xx

Good luck with the visits this weekend! X

 

[Sarasa]

SO glad your sister has made it @annielou. I'd try to stay out of the way and have some quality time with your husband if you can. Hope the carer visits go well too.

 

[annielou]

Thanks @imthedaughter @Sarasa xx

 

[Woo2]

Yep I’m echoing @Sarasa , so glad sister has made it down , try and make the most of the break and spend some quality time with hubby . ? X

 

[anxious annie]

Hi Annielou
Great news that your sis is coming down to give you a break, and hoping the carer visits in the mornings work out well xx

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hope all goes well with the weekend tablet visits and also that you get some time with hubby now that Sister is down for a visit. The sun is shining - go out and make the most of it

 

[annielou]

Thanks @Woo2 @anxious annie @Bikerbeth xxx Rainy day on and off here but not to worry.

 

[Woo2]

There is no sun here either We are used to it living in Britain aren’t we . Hope you have a good day .