Yesterday i got a call from my mum's care home she had been struck by another resident and my mum hit her back, they had to be parted my mum bless her is 82 any suggestions please.At least i know she can look after herself LOL
When Residents fight
- Thread starter Buttercup
- Start date
Since your Mum wasn't the instigator, I don't know that you need any suggestions. The fact of the matter is, dementia can make people behave in ways that they would never have dreamed of before. If their behaviour is such that it can't be managed by distraction (and I would suggest that a lot of lashing out is due to frustration) then the care home will have to consult with the GP or consultant about appropriate medication. Did the home call you in a "what are you going to do about this" sense? Because if so, that makes me irritated. The mother of a friend of mine got a "rep" as being someone who would retaliate if pushed and the care home in question thought the easiest thing to do was isolate her. I pointed out that if they controlled the instigator then it wouldn't be an issue. It turned out that this person was attacking a lot of people, but only my friends mother had the gumption to hit back (normally with her shoes). It actually got to the point where people who were being pushed around by this one person would actually bring her a shoe to hit him with!
I know this can be upsetting but try to ascertain why 1) this happened and 2) what they think you can do about it. Sometimes, the people who need an "attitude adjustment" are the staff rather than the people involved.
I know this can be upsetting but try to ascertain why 1) this happened and 2) what they think you can do about it. Sometimes, the people who need an "attitude adjustment" are the staff rather than the people involved.
In Jan's home there have been several residents who have been problems, though not by virtue of being aggressive - unless pushed by circumstance [in their view].
We have one at present, a big man with FTD, who wanders constantly, trying to get out. He is prone to trying to pull the more immobile residents out of - or off - their seats by whatever limb that is handy. The carers think that, being constantly in motion himself, he wants company.
The thing that is done is that all staff - and visitors -maintain a constant watch on him, and he is moved on when he approaches any vulnerable person too closely.
He has come close to a couple of stand-up fights with a Geordie resident, and they, in particular, are kept apart. Both are deteriorating, so the problem will resolve itself in time.
The other option, medication, is kept as a last resort.
My main concern in these situations, is for the advanced dementia residents, who have no defence.
We have one at present, a big man with FTD, who wanders constantly, trying to get out. He is prone to trying to pull the more immobile residents out of - or off - their seats by whatever limb that is handy. The carers think that, being constantly in motion himself, he wants company.
The thing that is done is that all staff - and visitors -maintain a constant watch on him, and he is moved on when he approaches any vulnerable person too closely.
He has come close to a couple of stand-up fights with a Geordie resident, and they, in particular, are kept apart. Both are deteriorating, so the problem will resolve itself in time.
The other option, medication, is kept as a last resort.
My main concern in these situations, is for the advanced dementia residents, who have no defence.
Speaking as the daughter of a woman who was the instigator in a number of attacks, I feel the main problem is not enough staff to nip these situations in the bud. My mother once hit a poor old man in the head with his own stick. They were in the lounge area which is where the nursing station is but there was no one at the nursing station. There should have been someone there to prevent the situation from escalating as it did. A resident who was not cognitively impaired witnessed the whole thing and it took several minutes before my mum attacked the poor old guy.
Medication is definitely not necessarily the answer - my mum was once so snowed that she walked in ultra slow motion but she still managed to kick a nurse walking behind her.
More properly trained staff is the answer.
Medication is definitely not necessarily the answer - my mum was once so snowed that she walked in ultra slow motion but she still managed to kick a nurse walking behind her.
More properly trained staff is the answer.
Thanks
Thanks Jenniferpa Brucie and Joanne, The home home called me just to basically let me know there had been an incident involving my mum another lady.
No one was hurt just my mum was upeset she had been hit and her natural reaction was to hit back,when i went to see her she didn't even mention she had been hit she must have forgotten all about it so i didnt mention it either, she would have probably wondered what i was going on about anyway.
When i got there she was happy we had a walk round the garden had tea and biscuits her favourite and looked through the photo album i made for her of all the family when we were younger, she loves to talk about that bless her.Thank you for your comments i apperciate it
Thanks Jenniferpa Brucie and Joanne, The home home called me just to basically let me know there had been an incident involving my mum another lady.
No one was hurt just my mum was upeset she had been hit and her natural reaction was to hit back,when i went to see her she didn't even mention she had been hit she must have forgotten all about it so i didnt mention it either, she would have probably wondered what i was going on about anyway.
When i got there she was happy we had a walk round the garden had tea and biscuits her favourite and looked through the photo album i made for her of all the family when we were younger, she loves to talk about that bless her.Thank you for your comments i apperciate it
This happened to my Mum a couple of times. She got into a little fight with another. I was a bit worried that I'd put mum in a home to be safe and shortly thereafter I'm hearing about fights. To be honest I was rather pleased she had stuck up for herself and would be even more concerned if she hadn't. I agree with others that the staff need to be aware of personalities that might clash. The instigator is this case has moved on to more specialist care. Though pleased with this outcome I have every sympathy for that person as well, I took it that it was the condition that caused the conflict. It did worry me once when I took my mum back to the home after one trip out & we bumped into this other resident and I could tell my mum was wary of her. First time in my life I'd ever seen my mum a little afraid. Thankfully this seems to be behind us now.
Thanks
Thanks Rootshalle,
Must admit i was glad my mum didn't just sit there and take it but the other lady also hits carer's and other resident's too but since my mum hit her back the other lady has stayed away from her does anyone also find this problem my mum always thinks her clothes have been stolen amongst other things, yet i also find little things in her handbag that don't belong to her either Take care Linda
Thanks Rootshalle,
Must admit i was glad my mum didn't just sit there and take it but the other lady also hits carer's and other resident's too but since my mum hit her back the other lady has stayed away from her does anyone also find this problem my mum always thinks her clothes have been stolen amongst other things, yet i also find little things in her handbag that don't belong to her either
Take care Linda
I agree - I would think it is the disease 99.9% of the time. It's hard to remember that when our loved one had been struck but it is so.
Hello Buttercup,
I regularly find things that are not my Mum's in her room. She also believes people take things, she used to be like that when in her own home as well. I also know my mum packs belongings up & wanders throughout the care home with them - once I found her sitting in a lounge with pretty much her whole wardrobe with her! I've grown used to it and matter of factly puts things back. I've tried to just accept it and not let it frustrate me as it used to, sometimes it still gets me though. But in taking possessions around she may also leave some elsewhere in the home. I've learned to label everything as best I can. Not sure I'm offering much advice here but perhaps be reassured others experience similar things....
I regularly find things that are not my Mum's in her room. She also believes people take things, she used to be like that when in her own home as well. I also know my mum packs belongings up & wanders throughout the care home with them - once I found her sitting in a lounge with pretty much her whole wardrobe with her! I've grown used to it and matter of factly puts things back. I've tried to just accept it and not let it frustrate me as it used to, sometimes it still gets me though. But in taking possessions around she may also leave some elsewhere in the home. I've learned to label everything as best I can. Not sure I'm offering much advice here but perhaps be reassured others experience similar things....
Yes we certainly do! One lady wanders the corridors all day long. She only tries to open doors at the very end of passageways which are facing her as she walks. Guess whose door is at the very end of one passageway?
The staff and I have to keep Ken's bedroom door permanently locked because the lady (let's call her Betty) takes things out of Ken's room and deposits them somewhere else. I once stopped her along the corridor clutching a toilet brush, an ornament from someone's room and a slipper!
Two other ladies had a tussle and knocked each other to the ground. For about a week afterwards they had to be kept apart. Now they are the best of friends(for the moment) and wander along hand in hand.
It's all in the nature of the beast I'm afraid. I think the staff at Ken's home show remarkable tolerance and understanding in handling each resident's individual behaviour.
xxTinaT
The staff and I have to keep Ken's bedroom door permanently locked because the lady (let's call her Betty) takes things out of Ken's room and deposits them somewhere else. I once stopped her along the corridor clutching a toilet brush, an ornament from someone's room and a slipper!
Two other ladies had a tussle and knocked each other to the ground. For about a week afterwards they had to be kept apart. Now they are the best of friends(for the moment) and wander along hand in hand.
It's all in the nature of the beast I'm afraid. I think the staff at Ken's home show remarkable tolerance and understanding in handling each resident's individual behaviour.
xxTinaT
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All of these activities go on at my Mum's CH also. Mum has hit out at carers and the odd resident lately - and had the same done to her. I can't believe this is happening .... my dear sweet Mum has never been like this before. I am trying to accept it as part of this whole journey but it is hard.
Mum has various small bags that she fills with things from the kitchen (tea bags, spoons, napkins, oven gloves) and lots and lots of folded tissues. These go in and out of various bags over the course of a day. The staff are great and just let her take these things as they always know where to find them when they need them!
It does help in a bizarre way to read these threads and see similar behaviour in others - even though we don't like it, it is reassuring to know it is not out of the ordinary.
Mum has various small bags that she fills with things from the kitchen (tea bags, spoons, napkins, oven gloves) and lots and lots of folded tissues. These go in and out of various bags over the course of a day. The staff are great and just let her take these things as they always know where to find them when they need them!
It does help in a bizarre way to read these threads and see similar behaviour in others - even though we don't like it, it is reassuring to know it is not out of the ordinary.
