What to say

[Skylark/2]

Good morning,

My husband has Alzheimer’s. He has recently started Memantine.
Since last Thur sday when we had a meeting with our financial advisor, my husband thinks the advisor has offered me a job, is having an affair with me, is embezzling his money. On Saturday he tried to phone the advisor to tell him what he thinks. We have known our advisor for 15 years, a friendly , professional man who up until now my husband has trusted. The message he left iwas very garbled, didn’t make any sense. He starts with these thoughts from the moment he wakes up to when he goes to sleep. He wants to take his money fromhis pension pot, find another financial advisor, thinks our sons are unsavoury characters, looking for what they can get.
I have tried reasoning with him, printing out his finances, I’ve shouted, I’ve cried and don’t know what I can do.
I have sent 2 emails and tried to phone ( no answer ) the memory clinic asking for advice,no success. Could the Memantine not be ‘ agreeing ‘ with him, he’s only being taking it for 4 weeks.
Any ideas, advice please

 

[flyfishertc]

If I was in your shoes I would certainly pursue the Mementine idea, as you think that his delusions have come about since starting the medication. If you cant get hold of the Memory Clinic by phone, can you speak with your GP?

 

[canary]

I dont know whether the memantine is involved or not, but it sounds like a classic delusion to me with all the usual features - worrying about money, people tricking them and and fears of a spouse having an affair

You are not going to be able to persuade him that he is wrong. Reasoning wont work as he has lost the ability to follow reasoned logic and shouting/crying will just confirm in his own mind that he is right.

Im afraid that I never found a good answer to mums delusions. You can agree with them if its a nice delusion, but not this sort. In his mind everyone is working against him and cheating on him (in one way or another). Eventually it will pass, but may be replaced by something else

 

[Skylark/2]

Oh @canary . Deep down I agree with you. At the moment he is writing a strongly worded letter to the advisor!
Feeling really despondent, at the end of my tether.

 

[jennifer1967]

Oh @canary . Deep down I agree with you. At the moment he is writing a strongly worded letter to the advisor!
Feeling really despondent, at the end of my tether.

do you think he will send it? maybe warn the advisor

 

[Blissy]

I agree that to warn the advisor is the best you can do. If your husband then starts to question why he hasn't had any reply just a brief comment that he will hear back eventually may suffice or just writing may get this particular subject off his mind. My husband has some delusions and eventually one seems to resolve itself to be replaced by another. Just be bit careful about things you discuss in front of him as I find a few words picked up from a conversation can escalate into the most amazing stories.

 

[Skylark/2]

Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Blissy for responding, much appreciated.
Fortunately, my O.H hasn’t sent the letter, infact I have managed to put it into a drawer upstairs. I already keep a record/diary concerning my O.H and it might be useful/ proof at some point to be able to show the professionals at the memory clinic.
Early today he contacted Lloyds Bank ( where our financial advisor use to work) asking to speak to him. My O.H wouldn’t listen to me and I could hear the help desk at Lloyds trying to sort it out! Eventually they said they would call him back but later I managed to call them and explain about the Alzheimer’s. The lady at Lloyds had suggested that after I sort out a couple of security questions, they can flag my husband‘s account as him having Alzheimer’s and only to deal with me. I have registered POA with the bank.
I also managed to speak to the CPN , explain what had been happening. She has promised to speak to the psychiatrist and maybe different medication, a review or even a few days stay at the clinic for an assessment has been suggested.
It’s been a difficult day, pass me a G&T!

 

[maisiecat]

Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Blissy for responding, much appreciated.
Fortunately, my O.H hasn’t sent the letter, infact I have managed to put it into a drawer upstairs. I already keep a record/diary concerning my O.H and it might be useful/ proof at some point to be able to show the professionals at the memory clinic.
Early today he contacted Lloyds Bank ( where our financial advisor use to work) asking to speak to him. My O.H wouldn’t listen to me and I could hear the help desk at Lloyds trying to sort it out! Eventually they said they would call him back but later I managed to call them and explain about the Alzheimer’s. The lady at Lloyds had suggested that after I sort out a couple of security questions, they can flag my husband‘s account as him having Alzheimer’s and only to deal with me. I have registered POA with the bank.
I also managed to speak to the CPN , explain what had been happening. She has promised to speak to the psychiatrist and maybe different medication, a review or even a few days stay at the clinic for an assessment has been suggested.
It’s been a difficult day, pass me a G&T!

Definitely agree with @Blissy to watch your conversations round your OH while delusions are a problem. They definitely fret about things that you say or they overhear when the delusions are strong. Also never bother to say its not true it just reinforces them. You are having a rotten time yoy poor thing

 

[Kimylou32]

Hi there ….
My dad is 85 and was just starting week 4 of mementine… he was diagnosed in May with AD and vascular dementia…. Once the medication was increased to 15mg I noticed a change. He didn’t remember he was married, very accepting of the caring lady that came to see him (my mum that lives with him). Yesterday his meds were increased to 20mg and today he has been even more confused …. Suggesting the woman that comes to makes his meals was missing (again my mum ). I called the memory clinic and was advised to stop the meds for 2 weeks . His dosage is likely too high .
He has had dilutions in the past but not for this long.
I’m hoping that he calms down… my mum is 95 and as bright as a button but my word this is taking its toll on her …. I feel
So sorry for her as I’d like her to live out her last years (hopefully) happy ….
Anyone else seen an increase in issues following prescribed mementine ?
Thank you in advance 😢

 

[Kevinl]

In reply to the original post, just say I love you, that simple. K

 

[Sue741215]

Hi there ….
My dad is 85 and was just starting week 4 of mementine… he was diagnosed in May with AD and vascular dementia…. Once the medication was increased to 15mg I noticed a change. He didn’t remember he was married, very accepting of the caring lady that came to see him (my mum that lives with him). Yesterday his meds were increased to 20mg and today he has been even more confused …. Suggesting the woman that comes to makes his meals was missing (again my mum ). I called the memory clinic and was advised to stop the meds for 2 weeks . His dosage is likely too high .
He has had dilutions in the past but not for this long.
I’m hoping that he calms down… my mum is 95 and as bright as a button but my word this is taking its toll on her …. I feel
So sorry for her as I’d like her to live out her last years (hopefully) happy ….
Anyone else seen an increase in issues following prescribed mementine ?
Thank you in advance 😢

My husband has been on Memantine for 3 or 4 years without any problems - he has Alzheimers and although he is deteriorating it is a slow decline over time as I would have expected. I have read of others who it has not worked for but it seems to have worked as well as anything can for us which is perhaps as well as I was told this was the only drug suitable due to his heart condition - he has a slow heart I'm told but he has no symptoms and seems to be physically healthy for his age of 76. The timing of your dad'sdelusions could be a coincidence - I assume you have ruled out UTI. I hope your dad settles to the correct dosage - it must be hard for you with your mum having to look after him at the age of 95.

 

[Kimylou32]

My husband has been on Memantine for 3 or 4 years without any problems - he has Alzheimers and although he is deteriorating it is a slow decline over time as I would have expected. I have read of others who it has not worked for but it seems to have worked as well as anything can for us which is perhaps as well as I was told this was the only drug suitable due to his heart condition - he has a slow heart I'm told but he has no symptoms and seems to be physically healthy for his age of 76. The timing of your dad'sdelusions could be a coincidence - I assume you have ruled out UTI. I hope your dad settles to the correct dosage - it must be hard for you with your mum having to look after him at the age of 95.

Many thanks for the reply and glad all has been as positive as possible … I’ll keep monitoring him and see how 2 weeks without it does. No UTI or at least no symptoms …. His delusions were there before mementine but just not as intense or daily …. I’m hoping maybe just a lower dosage might be the answer in time .