1. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    140
    Salford, Lancashire
    Just wondering if this might be a precursor to not washing!

    This morning Mum announced that 'washing is boring'! It is difficult to persuade her into the shower, but she has at least been having a good all over flannel wash every morning. (no continence issues thank God). Then this comment out of the blue. Has anyone had something similar, and if so was it followed by difficulties getting their loved one to wash?

    I'm a bit concerned as I won't have time for persuasion in the morning before I take her to daycare and get to work.

    Or I may just be panicking over nothing.

    Thanks

    Sally
     
  2. Sad Misty

    Sad Misty Registered User

    Jun 8, 2015
    31
    To me it sounds like she just felt that way today Sally , and the fact that she apparently does " a good all over flannel wash every morning. (no continence issues )" i would say from my point of view there shouldent be a problem fore now . As long as she does some cind of washing of course (i dont know how things work in her day care center but what i have done with my mum is that they do help her wash her self (and thank god she also does this at home as well after some difficulties earlier were she did refuse on some technical detail ,she dident have a specific water guard as she had in her other apartment and was (despite ive shown her it wasent a problem ) concerned that the water would flood the bathroom ,and when we got that voila ) once a week (shore we have to pay fore it but its better that she gets it utlist once a week in there as well if she stops at home )

    So again from my point of view i dont see to mush to worry about at this moment Sally
     
  3. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    442
    My mum flatly refuses to wash unless she is going out that day to her lunch club, GP etc, but she is still continent and flannels herself everywhere when she does wash. She's done the same thing for over 50 years, so have given up trying to persuade her to wash daily!
     
  4. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    Is there any chance that she will have forgotten that she said washing is boring by the next time she has to get ready if no-one mentions it,

    Is it a possibility that she has forgotten how to wash and need prompting,

    or it could just be a one off and she was feeling tired,
     
  5. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    mum never liked showering I know at her age (83) bath difficult, but she just refuses help etc etc , flannels top and taile, I have to take clean flannels down ( thank you Asda for 2 for 50p) can throw out every time.

    I would say the start of the slippery slope
     
  6. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    140
    Salford, Lancashire
    Thanks for the replies. Keeping fingers crossed she forgets she said it and carries on washing no problem.
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    This is different I know, but a couple of years ago, when I still took mum grocery shopping, she stopped in her tracks and said 'this is boring'. When I pursued it, she said she'd never liked shopping....which I know for a fact was not so.

    Anyway, within a couple of weeks, she was staying at home and I brought the shopping in. I think she meant she couldn't cope with it, but didn't know how to express her feelings.

    I hope this doesn't turn out to be the case with your mum and her washing xx


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,016
    Toronto, Canada
    I think part of the reason things are "boring" is that they might be finding them more difficult. there are a great many steps to washing oneself and buying groceries which we don't think about. But for a person with dementia, it may be overwhelming.

    My mother and stepfather stopped going to movies because Mum said they were all "stupid". The fact was that Mum simply couldn't follow the plots anymore.
     
  9. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    1,549
    Female
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    Mum will say she used to cook, bake, knit, catch a bus etc but now she has gotten lazy.

    Of course its not a case of being lazy, she just can't remember the steps how to.
     
  10. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    My mum says she's lazy too, linbrusco. I am forever saying, no you're not, you've earned a bit of a rest, etc.....can you suggest a more constructive response? I realise that she simply can't do things, and why, but it still tends to upset her :(
     
  11. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    If " washing is boring".....try telling her that being smelly is worse:rolleyes::D
     
  12. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,407
    Male
    Cornwall
    #12 Countryboy, Jun 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2015
    I think we're forgetting a person today aged 70+ when they were children or teenagers never had electricity or water in their house so no baths or showers then when you consider you possibly had to fetch water from some distance away then boil it up on old Cornish range , I'm 72 and for first 8/10 years of my childhood didn't have either I was 17 years old when I install a bath at my parents house and was about 30+ before we had flush toilets the sewerage system in our village and surrounding villages didn't have a mains sewerage system until 1970 so if dementia takes us back to our childhood May that the reason for not think the facility is there to wash today
     
  13. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    tried that, she asked if she really smelt, I said yes, she shrugged her shoulders...whatever.
     
  14. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    I may be late 50's but yes remember bathing twice a week, and wearing same clothes for 3 days same shoes all week, but as B always says, we all smelt in those days.
     
  15. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    I think there's a lot in this, Tony. Living in a big city, we had washing and toilet facilities probably earlier than many country areas like Cornwall. Even so, when mum was young, a bath would have been an occasional thing, and the toilet was outside in the yard. Potties were in regular use and a flannel wash would be the standard thing.

    I will try to bear this in mind more. We do still have the problem of mum not wanting to wash at all, though......:(

    Lindy xx
     
  16. Pegsdaughter

    Pegsdaughter Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    129
    London
    Mum is 93 and has always lived with indoor bathroom etc but she now resists bathing, something she has done all her life.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  17. Dayperson

    Dayperson Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    275
    Female
    Shropshire
    Washing is the latest thing my mum won't do. She used to take several showers a week, then it got to once a week, then once when the sheets are changed to never. The last two times I've changed her sheets, she's not had a full shower but last night I didn't help her. A few months back I would watch her in the shower and tell her to wash her hair and body, but on the advice of my dad I let her do her own thing yesterday. She doesn't seem to be having a body wash in between either because she is not putting out flannels for washing.

    Should I be helping her to shower or just let her go unwashed? The caring side of me wants to but then if I do it for her, she is just giving up and not using her brain.

    Linbrusco, I also get the "I looked after you when you were young, used to do washing, cooking etc". Yesterday she asked me why I was controlling her and I felt like saying because you've given up, but I somehow manged not to. She did say at one point that she was giving up so she has it in her head that dad and I can care for her. She is more work than my 90 year old gran was after her heart attack when she couldn't do anything.
     
  18. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Mum doesn't like baths, she's always preferred showers since we had one installed in the early 80s. Even then she might only have one once a week. That's until the dementia started of course.

    When I took up her care full time I discovered that she hadn't washed her hair for FIVE MONTHS (I won't bore you with how I discovered this), these days I INSIST on it once a month and if I can get her to have a shower once a fortnight I feel I am winning.

    I have tried the 'Come on now, I don't want a smelly mummy!' etc etc but it doesn't work. She just says 'Oh no, not now, I'll have one later I promise' (after I have gone) and of course she never does.

    The only thing that works is if she has a doctor or hospital appointment. I'm ashamed to say I have to employ borderline blackmail tactics 'We don't want the doctor thinking you're not looking after yourself properly, he might say you need carers to come in every morning to shower you!' I know that's awful but nothing else works.

    Teeth cleaning is another thing. 'Have you cleaned your teeth this morning?' 'Yes!' 'Show me then.' Tartar all round her gums. 'Go and clean then Mum! You don't want to have to go to the dentist and have them out on top of everything else!' blackmail blackmail argh... but off she goes. If I take a day off I ask Dad to remind her to do them but he either forgets or takes her at her word when she says she's done them, then I go round and her breath smells like sour milk. :( Her teeth have really got bad since the stroke in August, very Queen Mum. She claims they don't hurt at all, I intend taking her to the dentist soon but we need to get her morning sobbing under control first.

    At least I have managed to stop her wearing her incontinence pants more than once :eek:
     
  19. Dayperson

    Dayperson Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    275
    Female
    Shropshire
    That argument wouldn't work on my mum since she has decided she hates both the doctor and dentist. We have the dentist checkup coming up and I suggested to dad that she goes first (as we are all getting checked) so she isn't getting anxious.

    She used to be very meticulous about her cleanliness and would make sure her hair was washed before, now she isn't bothered. She wouldn't get into a clean bed unwashed and would wipe things clean with wipes. Now I'm the one who has to be kept on my toes to make sure clothes are washed. I'm not sure about whether she looks after her teeth.

    Five months without washing her hair does sound excessive, but I should probably keep an eye on her and at some point will have to make her wash. Part of the problem is that the shower has one of those all in one taps where you push it to the left for hot water and right for cold water. She is always changing the position left or right and screams when hot or cold water comes out, so that makes her terrified of using the shower.
     
  20. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    This is all so depressingly familiar to me.....including, I'm afraid, the borderline blackmail :( Mum wouldn't wash at all otherwise. I bought her a new tube of toothpaste a couple of months ago and it hasn't been touched, either, despite reminders.....
    In mum's case, I think part of the problem may be a simple lack of memory.....her MMSE this week showed an almost total lack of short term memory, even when prompted by the very nice CPN.
    So it seems to be a combination of factors.....can't remember how to do things, nor whether she's done them. Physical difficulty due to arthritis. Also getting low in mood and doesn't regard any of this as important.

    Either way, it's one long slog to help her stay even remotely presentable.....
     

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