wanting to see parents
- Thread starter anthoy
- Start date
Hello and welcome to TP.
This wanting to see parents and go home is a recurrant theme here. Generally the home being sought is not the one she lives in now, but one from a long time ago, perhaps the one she lived in with her parents. Just try telling your wife that you'll be going home soon when the painters are finished/the builders have been,when Mum and Dad are back from their holiday/work/visit. When she asks for her parents, say something like, they are away on holiday, at the shops or visiting your Auntie....or say I haven't seen them/spoken to them today, we'll see tomorrow.
Then distract her...making a cup of tea washing the dishes or just looking out of the window at the sky, sometimes works.
Good luck. Maureen.
This wanting to see parents and go home is a recurrant theme here. Generally the home being sought is not the one she lives in now, but one from a long time ago, perhaps the one she lived in with her parents. Just try telling your wife that you'll be going home soon when the painters are finished/the builders have been,when Mum and Dad are back from their holiday/work/visit. When she asks for her parents, say something like, they are away on holiday, at the shops or visiting your Auntie....or say I haven't seen them/spoken to them today, we'll see tomorrow.
Then distract her...making a cup of tea washing the dishes or just looking out of the window at the sky, sometimes works.
Good luck. Maureen.
Hello, and a warm welcome to Talking Point anthoy (Seeing your name, I just wondered if there should be an 'n' in there - my spell- check is insisting that your name is 'Anthony')
I have read, in this Forum, that it is considered kinder to make up a loving lie afteryour wife requests to see members of the family. Maybe you could tell your wife that her parents are away on a holiday, and will be back in a few weeks?
I am assuming, (sorry if I'm wrong) that your wife's parents have died.
For most people, it seems wrong to lie to your partner - but an untruth would be a kindness if she has forgotten that her parents are no longer with us.
She will be bitterly upset when told, over and over again, that her parents are dead; and then, she would mourn, yet again, every time she is reminded of the truth.
Possibly when you wife says she wants to, 'go home' you might say something indefinite like, ' We'll be off in a couple of days' - then try to distract her from the subject, by looking cheerfully around the room, and chatting about whatever pleasant feature you can see there. For example ...
" Well, at least we have a really good TV/ kitchen / comfortable bed / garden here.
That's lucky isn't it?"
The consensus of opinion is that we have to enter their world, no matter how crazy it seems to us, and play along with whatever is bothering them. It certainly can keep you on your toes.
When my mum asks if I've seen her mum & dad, I say not today, & if she asks where they are, I've found it helpful sometimes to say something that makes sense to mum regarding her parents. I'll say they are probably down the market after the bargains ( which is what they used to do) & mum may then start remembering things from that.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's worth a try. Harder for you as it's your wife.
Take care
Lin x
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it's worth a try. Harder for you as it's your wife.
Take care
Lin x
When my mother would say she wanted to go see her parents (both died in 1970) I would agree and say "Let's go the day after tomorrow as I have things to do tomorrow". This seemed to relieve her for a while. I would repeat as needed.
As others have said never mention they are dead (if they are)
The weather is a good excuse (flooding on roads)
Parents are visiting friends/on holiday/roadworks too many etc
This will pass but it's terribly upsetting at the time
Take care
Lyn T
The weather is a good excuse (flooding on roads)
Parents are visiting friends/on holiday/roadworks too many etc
This will pass but it's terribly upsetting at the time
Take care
Lyn T
yes my name is anthony.I spelt it wrongly to give a user name.
Thanks for all your advice,I shall probably use them all at sometime.This forum is really useful.I shall work my way through all the questions and answers now that I have found you all.Its good to see that I am not alone with caring for a loved one with alzheimers.
Thanks for all your advice,I shall probably use them all at sometime.This forum is really useful.I shall work my way through all the questions and answers now that I have found you all.Its good to see that I am not alone with caring for a loved one with alzheimers.
Yes, Mum was constantly wanting to go 'across the road and up to the station' to visit her mother, who died about 40 years ago.
She also spent a lot of time wandering round her CH looking for dad who died 10 years ago. She sometimes asked what had happened to him, had he left her etc.
It was distressing for me, but she would accept our distractions with the aid of a cup of coffee and a biscuit!
She also spent a lot of time wandering round her CH looking for dad who died 10 years ago. She sometimes asked what had happened to him, had he left her etc.
It was distressing for me, but she would accept our distractions with the aid of a cup of coffee and a biscuit!
Slightly different. When my step mother was in hospital on that particular visit I arrived 20 minutes before the son and she started saying she had just seen various people.
I asked the nurse if she knew who these people were and she did not know.
When the son arrived I mentioned the names. He knew some of them had died. He did not know about others but he said if she had seen them they would now be 100 plus.
William
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