visits

[lancs lass]

My friend is now settled in care home. When I was visiting her last week she said my name and that she wished that I would come to see her. This is very upsetting but I wonder how often I should visit as clearly she has no idea who I am. Her family visit on a regular basis but she says that they have not been. I live close and I am very lonely without her but not sure if going in every day is helpful for either of us. Sorry to ramble on but would be grateful for advice. thanks

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @lancs lass

If I were you I would keep visiting as this failure to recall names/visits is common. Despite the lack of memory it doesn't mean that there isn't a warm feeling still there.

An example would be an occasion about 16 months ago when my wife asked me if I was married and when I just said a simple 'yes' she started to cry - because she wanted to marry me. The feelings were still there, even if the memory had failed.

The memories may be present on other days, as they are with my wife.

 

[McSuffolk]

Hello @lancs lass
I know you say that your friend has no idea who you are but is your frien’s body language telling you this too or is it just what they are saying?
I ask because my mum cannot reliably name me (sometimes I’m her sister!) but she always looks chuffed when she sees me coming in the home front door.
@karaokePete is right about the recall and memory of visits, I find the same but i can tell mum is happy when I visit her. Im sure your friend is always glad to have a visit too.

 

[Angel55]

My friend is now settled in care home. When I was visiting her last week she said my name and that she wished that I would come to see her. This is very upsetting but I wonder how often I should visit as clearly she has no idea who I am. Her family visit on a regular basis but she says that they have not been. I live close and I am very lonely without her but not sure if going in every day is helpful for either of us. Sorry to ramble on but would be grateful for advice. thanks

Hello 💗

It may help both of you to visit ....Even if your close friend doesn't remember you they can still 'feel' the comfort of companionship. If every day is too much for you perhaps set aside a couple of times in the week . Maybe the home have volunteers ? You might be able to provide companionship or help out in others ways perhaps? as you mention you live close by and are visiting every day at the moment.

No-one would ever judge anyone who chooses NOT to visit or HOW they visit just do what you feel comfortable with.

 

[Cardinal]

I would keep visiting. She may not be able to vocalize who you are but she probably enjoys the one on one attention. She may also recognize that you are someone that makes her feel good and someone she likes being around. You are giving pleasure to her even if her brain won’t let her remember exactly who you are. When I would visit my mom she had no idea who I was but her face would light up when I walked in the room.

 

[SkyeD]

Hi @lancs lass

I echo what many others have said in that my mum no longer knew who I was, but her face lit up when she saw me, and that was good enough for me. I think she realised that there was a connection between us but she couldn't work out what it was. I don't really think that she even knew that I'd visited, she couldn't remember, so it didn't matter if I went every day, once per week, or whenever.

It takes a lot of strength to continue to visit someone when you feel upset yourself. As @Angel55 says, just do whatever you feel comfortable with.