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Us two and IT

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Had a long telephone chat with my daughter last night and although she had an awful cough and was ‘chesty’ and hoarse sounding she was very upbeat because, as she has been nursing Covid patients she more or less knows what to expect and precautions to take such as quarantine herself in the bedroom away from family with her husband sleeping on the couch. I spoke to hime this morning and he said that she is basically the same but totally exhausted as she had predicted. He seems to have everything under control and kids are all really sensible except for the 6 year old who is Autistic and a veritable livewire. Thankfully no new worries at home as we seem to be sailing on calm waters at present as just not commenting on her need to use the washing machine daily as it certainly maintains the peace and occupies her mind for the morning and sunny weather is helping with the line almost overburdened at present with the bedding although some other items are in the machine already. Enjoy the day x
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Very strange sensation today as Pauline’s doctor called her in for blood tests to check her kidney function and so our 1st time of venturing out since lockdown and discovering the world of strict social distancing and following stuck down footprints. This is the 1st time I have been in the doctors waiting area and not a single other patient except for P of course. Given my daughter will be in quarantine for at least a week and her family for longer it may well be that in about a week I will venture out for a quick local shop as, I gather, similar rules being applied but maybe not as strict. All depends on R I think.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Good news in that my youngest daughter, Kirsty, is getting better and just a slight but rough cough along with total exhaustion but improving, which is the main thing. Yet again I ventured out and this time to the chemist for my meds and, as our local butcher is nearby and was empty, I nipped in and bought a nice big lamb steak for my sunday dinner but, when I got back having left Pauline watching an old Waking the DEad episode on record, she was in a right tiz. Apparently the filming was dark and she had tried to return to normal TV but in fact turned the TV set off and just couldn't remember how to turn it back on, her, the master and owner of all remotes and so sad to see. In the grand scheme of things this is a small thing but for her it is devastating. Once I showed her which button to use she was fine but quiet and clearly unhappy. IT is so cruel.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,883
South East
Good news about your daughter 👍 Tempered by sad news about your Pauline. I ordered some dementia friendly puzzles for my mum and she was unable to do them:( that upset me enormously as mum was the queen of puzzles , really hard 3D ones were no problem for her in the past ... IT is indeed very cruel .
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
A bit of a to do today over Paulines meds as she has been on antibiotics to combat water infections for years and they alternate and a month on each. Anyway, 2 days before they took her in hospital I had collected a. Month supply of meds which went unopened until she arrived home after being sent to a discharge ward first. When I took her out of there they gave me a bag of meds but no prescription in it so I mixed them with her usual supply and using previous prescription as in the past have been doling them out using a blister pack but am now running short so ordered a new script. Have had a meds manager (?) from GP surgery on phone twice and then a GP also twice. It turns out that hospital had stopped the antibiotics as she had tested resistant to them but that was not told to me or surgery until my prescription request highlighted the issue. The GP is now requesting copies of test results to find alternatives to use which is all good. What is not good is that all these weeks since she has been susceptible to a further UTI as taking ineffective meds and no one picked it up and we have been so lucky that things are going ok in that regard. An aside is that as she listened in on call (Ihave to use speaker phone for my hearing) Pauline is really agitated and thinks she is going back in hospital so more fun and games.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
From when she was a very young girl being brought up by her grandmother, Pauline as tended family graves, and in recent years it has been 7 graves at 2 cemeteries . Inevitably it has been me doing the work while trying to keep her safe from falling as there are many trip hazards there and we have done them through sickness and through health as the saying sort of goes. Since coming out of hospital she has found one excuse after another not to go to them which is fine but this morning she sent me to clean and tidy 2 of the graves, one where her little boy, who died aged just four and a half, is interned and the other one where her late husband and another son are buried. This I have done but on return she doesn’t want to take flowers and visit them which is just so out of what passes as normal and so so sad.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,309
Kent
Pauline has suffered a lot of loss in her life @Agzy and now has dementia to show for it. The confusion she seems to be feeling now is possibly the stage of dementia she is at.

Tough for you.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Pauline has suffered a lot of loss in her life @Agzy and now has dementia to show for it. The confusion she seems to be feeling now is possibly the stage of dementia she is at.

Tough for you.
That is true @Grannie G and is probably the most unexpected change of all as just expected to be sharing the task with her forever. The biggest of recent big changes for sure.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Seems a lifetime ago now but recalling Paulines’s sons had me applying for a sheltered flat for her to move into on her own while she was in hospital ,was brought back in an unexpected way yesterday. A lady, who said she was the letting manager of the complex the form was sent to, phoned to ask if the application was still valid. I told her why not and mentioned a block of similar flats near to us as somewhere the both of us would be interested in, this being because Pauline still goes on about hating this house and in the past favoured the flats mentioned. Surprise, surprise the lady was letting manager of this one also! She said that a 2 bed flat would be available soon so I mentioned it to Pauline expecting rejoicing and got the opposite and she got so upset at the thought of moving and wants to stay here in my Daughters house! Back to the drawing board then ! 😆
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,553
South coast
@Agzy - your Pauline is going to to continue to be unhappy where she is, but will not entertain the idea of moving. She is also unlikely to be happy wherever she moves to, because the unhappiness is internal. She is blaming her environment (and you too) because she cannot understand about her dementia. She thinks that if she goes somewhere else (and maybe leaves you too) she will leave behind the confusion, limitations and unhappiness of dementia, not understanding that she will simply take it all with her.

You will have to do what is best for you. You cannot "fix" Pauline, so you must make it easier for you to care for her. If this requires a move, then you will have to organise it yourself and use love lies to get her there.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
@Agzy - your Pauline is going to to continue to be unhappy where she is, but will not entertain the idea of moving. She is also unlikely to be happy wherever she moves to, because the unhappiness is internal. She is blaming her environment (and you too) because she cannot understand about her dementia. She thinks that if she goes somewhere else (and maybe leaves you too) she will leave behind the confusion, limitations and unhappiness of dementia, not understanding that she will simply take it all with her.

You will have to do what is best for you. You cannot "fix" Pauline, so you must make it easier for you to care for her. If this requires a move, then you will have to organise it yourself and use love lies to get her there.
Thank you @canary , I think I realise this and for me I am happy where I am and will bide a while and see how her physical as well as mental problems develop.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Big pick-me-up this morning when my daughter, Kirsty, messaged to ask if I fancied a socially distanced walk with her and her black Lab along the shoreline to where her daughter keeps her horse. To say the least it was breezy but great fun and Trigger, her dog has no understanding of social distancing and just wouldn't leave me alone as though making up for the weeks we have not met up! A really cheering 90 minutes then met with thunder face on return as I “always” leave her on her own and she is fed up of this lockdown and why won’t i let her go out, 🙊 Ah well nice while it lasted.
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Monday (Bank Holiday) 25th May.

Times they are a-changing indeed. Over the weekend there were two TV programmes which seem to have fundamentally either changed Paulines condition or were onTV, by coincidence, when the sudden changing has happened. They were ‘Alone in Lock Down,’ and an old American documentary looking a Alzheimer’s research cure or treatments, both of which sh wanted to watch and neither of them watch all the way through as, “ rubbish.” Her words not mine but they did upset her as I had expected and warned her.
An example of the sharp changes has been this morning which sums up a number of similar outbursts during the last few days when, after rising making her a cup of tea and us having breakfast, Pauline fills the washing machine ready for a wash, a task I know better than to interfere with, and so I remained in the living room watching the news as usual.
Several minutes passed and suddenly she is shouting me and I dashed into the kitchen to find she had, successfully, changed the bin bag and tried to knot the full one for the outside bin. The shouting was about me never helping and things (?) not working properly and her doing everything. A few calming words and after I put the bin bag out I came in to find her just standing watching the washing machine in a slack jawed trance and then a lightning change to more anger about things not working and the laundry pods being useless and the place filthy. I retreated to the living room and then for an hour and a half she jut stood in the kitchen watching the washing machine go round and round with what my old dad would have described as a “Gormless” look on her face. Several times I tried to get her to sit down but she refused as she did my offers of help. Eventually the washing was on the line and she sat in the living room drinking a cup of tea as I had told her I wanted to clean the “filthy” kitchen floor. So she had to move out. This is how it has been, anger, stubbornness and looking and acting just lost over and again and it worries me no end but clearly nothing of a medical consequence needing a doctor or anything, nor needing extra help, just yet another change.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,553
South coast
Oh @Agzy . I think she is indeed lost. She knows that Something is not right, but cant quite put her finger on what it is (although she is sure its not her!), so she is trying hard to keep it all together, but just cant. Mum used to complain that "things wernt working properly" too, not understanding that it was she who could no longer do it. I think the anger is due to frustration and because she is afraid of the changes.

So difficult for you
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,354
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Oh @Agzy . I think she is indeed lost. She knows that Something is not right, but cant quite put her finger on what it is (although she is sure its not her!), so she is trying hard to keep it all together, but just cant. Mum used to complain that "things wernt working properly" too, not understanding that it was she who could no longer do it. I think the anger is due to frustration and because she is afraid of the changes.

So difficult for you
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you @canary ,it just came as such a shock as so sudden and whole mood within our home now foreboding and simmering which is horrible and there seems to be nothing I can do to help or improve things for her.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,553
South coast
Yes, there isnt very much you can do.
Eventually the anger will stop, but it will be a bittersweet time because the reason it will stop will be because she can no longer remember to even try to do things.