Update on my Mum and Dad .....

[alfjess]

Hi Fifi

Unfortunately we have been trying to find a balance of medication to help Mum. If Mum was calm, then the supposition is that Dad wouldn't be stressed

My Mum is so agitated that it affects Dad, who also has dementia, then he is aggresive with the staff.

It is a vicious circle and all trial and error, wait and see, let this medication or that medication kick in, who knows???

I live in hope that something will work!

Best of luck

Alfjess

 

[Margaret W]

Fiona, You have hit the nail on the head "it is all so new for us". We are all in the same boat, and up the creek without a paddle at times.

Yes, it is all so new, we have expectations of our parents which don't materialise, and expectations of the home which don't materialise either, and expectations of ourselves which definitely don't materialise.

Fiona, we can only do our best.

I think I wanted to say a lot more, but I am too stressed to remember, so good luck Fiona, I wish you well.

Margaret

 

[fearful fiona]

I am very touched by all your replies, thank you, it helps so much. I read and re-read them all, it is so reassuring. Mum's now on different medication, so let's see if that does any good. To Alfjess, hope they get your Mum sorted too, we are in the same situation with two parents to worry about, aren't we?

 

[alfjess]

Hi Fiona

We are in the same boat, with having both parents to worry about, it makes things doubly difficult, especially when they have different needs.

You have my symphathy.

Things have taken a big nose dive to-day for me and it has been hard to accept.

I have started a new thread, not for any advice, because as the CPN has told me, we have run out of options, but just to keep TPer's updated

Love
Alfjess

 

[Skye]

Dear Fiona and Alfjess

You both have my immense sympathy. I know how hard I'm finding it, having John in a NH, and it muct be doubly hard for you.

Not only do you have to worry about the rate of deterioration for two people, you have the added complication of how they interact with each other, and the ever-changing relationship.

I hope today brings an change for the better for both of you.

Love,

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Hazel,

What a kind message. thank you. I do follow your news on how John is doing, it is so difficult, but I am always amazed by how dedicated the staff are and this helps a bit, as I'm sure it does with you to know that one's loved ones are in such good hands.

 

[fearful fiona]

No surprises really.........

Well today was the meeting with the home to see if Mum and Dad were suitable for long term care there.

Well no surprises, Dad has completely settled, loves it there, wants to stay and is popular with staff and other residents. He has even said that even if Mum goes, he wants to stay where he is. So that's alright then.

With Mum, obviously somewhat different. Still disruptive, so they have changed her medication. She was being a bit sneaky with the old pills and pretending she was taking them then hiding them in her handkerchief. The new ones melt in the mouth (sounds like sweets, doesn't it?) so she won't be able to do that. The home are also thinking of putting her in the secure unit when there is a room available in a couple of weeks. If all that fails, the psychiatrist will meet with the home, the doctor, the CPN, uncle Tom Cobley and make recommendations for a more specialised EMI home. I think they probably mean the psychiatric unit of the hospital, but are too polite to say. Anyway I keep my fingers crossed that won't happen.

In the meantime the home and I are trying to keep Mum as busy as we can.

Thanks for all the support everyone.

Much love and have a good weekend.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Fiona,

It`s obvious your mother is even too much for your father now. I`m glad he feels able to stay in a home where he is so well liked and has settled so well. Your mother needs more specialized treatment. I hope she gets it.
I can imagine how hard it is for you.

Take care

Love xx

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Sylvia

Thank you, funnily enough I feel quite relaxed about it all. I know my mother will only get worse and in a strange way that helps me to know that I made the right decision to get them out of their own home when I did before it was too late and some dreadful accident might have happened affecting them both. Whatever happens now, I know that both of them are safe and in the best possible hands and I don't think I can ask for more than that.

Much love

 

[Grannie G]

I made the right decision

Dear Fiona,

That is such a good place to be. I`m so pleased you feel that, and you are absolutely right.

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Hi Fiona, it sounds as if your meeting went well. Your dad is obviously happy in the NH, and they have ideas to help settle your mum. I hope she won't have to be moved.

You've definitely made the right decision, so perhaps you can relax a bit now.

We have our six-week assessment meeting next Friday. The staff are happy with John, and I'm happy with them, so hopefully it will be straightforward -- so long as nothing goes wrong between now and then!

Love,

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Hazel

Good luck with the assessment, not that you need it I'm sure. It's such a relief when everyone is happy and it must be such a relief to know that John is in such a good place. As far as my Mum is concerned, what will be will be, but I would really lovely her to be able to stay if she can.....

 

[fearful fiona]

A day I would rather forget......

..... but I won't ever.

Call at 8.00 am yesterday morning from the home to say that in the small hours Mum had locked herself in her bathroom and pulled the radiator off the wall and flooded not only her room but the room below, ceiling fallen in, you name it. Fire brigade called as they couldn't stop the water, etc. etc. So obviously something had to be done and a room was found for her in the psychiatric unit of the local hospital and I took her there with a nurse late afternoon yesterday. She got angry of course and told me and the nurse in no uncertain terms to go away, so we did . (All this came on top of me having to have two hours of root canal treatment at the dentist's in the morning after the call from the home, so it never rains....)

Anyway I have been told not to visit Mum for a few days, but I went to see Dad tonight and told him that Mum needed some specialist treatment that they couldn't give her at the home and he was OK with that. The home have been lovely to him and given him special attention and lots of company so hopefully he will be OK. Anyway the hospital have said that if Mum calms down I can take him to visit or vice versa. She hasn't been sectioned yet, but that may come.

Anyway, I suppose they are both in the right place for them, just a shame Mum wouldn't take her medication as if she had she would have been able to stay with Dad in the home.

Over and out..

 

[Skye]

What an awful day, Fiona.

There's nothing much I can say, except to send you huge sympathy. I hope they manage to find some way to calm your mum down.

Love,

 

[fearful fiona]

Thanks Hazel, I'm so grateful for all the support and friendship I get from you and others on TP because I know I'm not alone with all this.

Much love.

 

[connie]

Oh Fiona love, what can I say? So sorry for the day you have had, for the uncertainty both mum and dad must be feeling.

Love n'hugs to you all.

 

[fearful fiona]

Thanks Connie for being such a good friend. Some good has come out of all this (1) my Dad can now have some visitors, as he couldn't before because Mum was so disruptive (2) as a result of the ongoing root canal treatment I have to eat sloshy food which means soup etc, which means I may be able to report a weight loss on the next TP slimming club weigh-in. It's an ill wind!!!

Much love

 

[connie]

Just a few grapes for you to eat until your teeth settle down again.

(I know you would rather have a glass))

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Fiona,

Whatever you were trying to prepare yourself for, I`m sure it wasn`t this. Your poor mother, what must she be going through.

We can only hope the correct medication can be found to help her, and she will take it.

At least your father will have some relief. He can`t possibly be expected to live with such extreme behaviour long term.

It`s so sad, I`m really sorry.

Love xx

 

[alfjess]

Dear Fiona

It does indeed appear we are in a similar situation.

So sorry to hear that your Mum has had to be moved to the pysche ward in hospital, same as mine.

My Dad was soo exhausted with Mum, in the care home, that he slept for nearly 48 hours after Mum went to hospital and is now no longer aggresive.

But,I'm sorry to say, Mum has rapidly deteriorated since admittance, whether it is the medication (sedatives) or the illness I can't tell, but she is a poor soul and it is heartbreaking to visit.

She was seen by the consultant to-day and had her medication changed. I am hoping for an appointment with the consultant soon.
I know it is early days, but it would be nice to know what to do next, regards care.

I don't think the care home will have her back with Dad and would it be in Dad's best interests anyway? It is difficult when we have tried soo hard to keep them together.

I hope the hospital can stabalise your Mum enough to go back to the lovely care home with your Dad

Good Luck, take care
Alfjess