Update on my Mum and Dad .....

[fearful fiona]

Crunch time....

Hi everyone,

Had a call from the home today and it is clear that Mum is simply not going to settle in. She has absconded two or three times (she was not considered bad enough to be in the secure wing) and said she will kill herself if she can't go home. She has also hit some of the nurses and upset other residents. We went through all this with suicide threats when we had to stop her driving so history is repeating itself.

So the home have requested an urgent psychiatric assessment and I suspect she will have to go somewhere else more secure. Shame as my Dad has really settled in and my hopes of them spending their twilight years together with some quality of life are not going to be realised.

Anyway I'm going to visit tomorrow afternoon and will probably have to tell Mum she can't go home which no doubt will get her all angry and violent again.

Anyway rant over, I'm sure we will survive all this.

 

[nemesisis]

fiona

Oh fi so sad to read your post
can only offer my best wishes and support when mum was in hospital after she broke her hip she pulled out her drip twice and hit two nurses who tried to help her (one nurse who she hit in the face and had a visable bruise said don't worry its only because she is confused) bless her there are some nurses that care. Its so sad because my mum was the most gentle person I have ever known and for her to even think of hitting anyone proves that Alzheimer's takes over the person that once was

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Nemesisis

Thank you for your nice message and so sorry you have been through this too. The staff in the home are wonderful to my Mum and have tried so hard to make her feel at home. I just tell myself that this is no longer my Mum but some terrible monster created by this awful illness.

 

[Grommit]

Fiona.

I am watching your posts with great care as it will not be long before I am in the same situation.

I can only send you my love at this time but I hope that you know that you are helping me by posting.

 

[christine_batch]

Love sent from Above to comfort you

Dear Fiona,
Firstly I am so pleased your Father has settled in but so sorry to read that you Mother has not. Do you have any support at all ? Has your Mother always been a strong minded person ? I only hope that things improve quickly for you as it is such a worry and very stressful. Take care of yourself.
Best wishes and love from Christine

 

[fearful fiona]

Thank you Grommit, I wish you all the very best when your turn comes and I shall be thinking of you when it does. The good thing to come from all this is that I have discovered that there are some wonderful devoted nurses and carers out there so I couldn't wish for more for my Mum, I'm just sorry she doesn't see it that way. I hope you are as lucky as I have been on that front because with all the traumas going on, at least I know my Mum couldn't be in better hands.

 

[Grannie G]

. The good thing to come from all this is that I have discovered that there are some wonderful devoted nurses and carers out there so I couldn't wish for more for my Mum, .

Dear Fiona

That`s as much as you can hope for. You`ve chosen well.

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Dear Fiona, I'm so sorry you're having these problems with your mum not settling.

Alfjess is having similar problems, she too wants to keep her mum and dad together, but her mum is not settling.

Is there an EMI unit attached to the NH? If so, that could be an answer. I was very uncertain about John going into an EMI unit, but in fact it's great. He's safe, there's a higher staff ratio, and he gets a lot of attention.

If there is one at your parents' home, it should be possible for them to pend time together during the day. It would be a shame to have to move them when you're so happy with the care.

I hope you get the assessment meeting soon, and you can find some solution. Good luck today.

Love,

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear All,

There is an EMI unit at the home and in fact Mum had such a bad day today they took her and Dad there for the day. There isn't room for her to stay there and the staff are doing their best to keep Mum and Dad together, but not sure if that will be possible. I was called this afternoon and they asked if I could go along as Mum had been very agitated all day; she had escaped again and asked one of the nuns (the home is attached to a convent) to call her a taxi and when this request was refused she hit the nun, not good.

I went over and sat with them for a couple of hours and all was calm. Mum is having her psychiatric assessment tomorrow morning. The home asked whether I could attend, but it's difficult for me and anyway I'm not sure it's a good idea, as Mum is calm when I'm with her and they really should see her at her worst I feel.
The hope is that they will prescribe her some medication which will calm her, I keep my fingers crossed. Trouble is that she has always been a very strong willed person.

I eventually god

 

[Margarita]

I keep my fingers crossed

Shall keep my finer cross also

The home asked whether I could attend, but it's difficult for me and anyway I'm not sure it's a good idea, as Mum is calm when I'm with her and they really should see her at her worst I feel.

You know better then anyone about your mother , so go with your feeling xx

 

[fearful fiona]

Update

Dear All,

It's a while since I've posted but I've been looking at other posts and particularly at Margaret's about her Mum, which I could so relate to.

Well Mum and Dad are still in the home. Dad can do no wrong and the staff are visible terribly fond of him. Mum has been on medication for about ten days now, but it is quite a challenge getting her to take it, as she pretends to take the pills but keeps them in her mouth and puts them into her hankie when she thinks no-one is looking and throws them away. Only thing is you can see the colour from the pills on her hankie! They are giving her the medication during the daytime as that is when she is most agitated as she has always slept right through the night.

I went in yesterday and joined them for Sunday lunch which was really tasty. The nurse came along with the medication saying it was for flu prevention - Mum did her usual trick and I think only took a couple of the three she should take (she is now on 75g of Quetiapine). Anway they found a stray pill on her chair which I managed to get her to take. (I think)

Anyway they are now looking to see if they can get some medication in liquid form or an injection because she doesn't seem to mind that. She had her flu jab quite happily!!

Will report again soon,

Love to all

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Dear All,

Anyway they are now looking to see if they can get some medication in liquid form or an injection because she doesn't seem to mind that. She had her flu jab quite happily!!

Will report again soon,

Love to all

Well done Fiona, that sounds a very sensible solution. Love Deborah x

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Fifi,

I`m so pleased everyone loves your father, at least you know he`s settled and happy.
Your mother is a worry, but you always have been more worried about her, haven`t you, as she`s been much more challenging.
It must be good for your father not to have the sole responsibility of your mother , and I`m sure he will be more relaxed.
I do hope the liquid medication goes down better than the tablets. Your mother could probably do with a bit of peace as well.

Take care
Love xx

 

[fearful fiona]

Thanks for the support!!

 

[Margaret W]

Fiona, I don't know what to say. How awful it all is for you. Well, you can only do your best and that is what you are doing.

Much love, though it isn't much use to you.

Margaret

 

[fearful fiona]

Dear Margaret and everyone else,

It is of use to me, I don't know how I would cope without my TP friends.

The care home called me last night and asked if I could go over as my mother was totally out of control, hitting staff, bothering other residents and trying to break out. It was the worst I have seen her, it wasn't my Mum at all, it was some sort of wild animal. We sort of calmed her down and she went to bed and the nurses said that they would contact the psychiatrist to try a different sort of medication.

On Friday I have an assessment meeting with the Matron/Manager as my parents' trial period is coming to an end. I don't think there will be any problem with my father as he has settled so well, but I just can't imagine what they will say about my mother. Presumably both my parents attend the meeting (ouch).

Anyway nothing I can do at this stage.

Good night everyone

Much love to all, I really value your friendship.

 

[Skye]

Dear Fifi,

Much sympathy. It must be so difficult when one parent settles and the other doesn't, alfjess has exactly the same problem.

I do hope the meeting is not as traumatic as you fear, and they can find some solution.

Love,

 

[BeckyJan]

to try a different sort of medication.

I do hope a different medication is the solution you need. It is good to hear that your Dad has settled well.

Take care Beckyjan

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Fifi,
I think you are doing brilliant job and that everything works out well for your Mother and that with ease a lot os worry and stress for you.
Take care of yourself. God Bless. Christine

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Fifi,

I do hope a solution can be found to calm your mother and help her settle. You are right, you can only wait, but the waiting will be hard and I hope you don`t let it get you down too much.

Really your mother`s treatment is out of your hands, it`s down to the medics and what they can come up with.

It must be such a worry for you.

Take care

Love xx