Update on my Dad

[sue38]

The Consultant came to see us this morning at home, and I have to say he was excellent. Not only had he received my faxed letter, but had gone through it, made notes, and dealt with everything I had thrown at him. That was the good part of today.

Then my Dad became more agitated, but I had to leave to go back to work. The ‘car’ thing was raising its head again. He had some lunch and seemed OK. An hour after I left my mum rang to say my Dad had gone AWOL. A friend rang to say he had seen my Dad a few hundred metres down the road and was going to try and persuade him to go home. My Dad in fact went home of his own accord and my Mum decided to take him for a drive.

They came home and my Dad insisted my Mum take him into town to get him car. When she wouldn’t he kicked off big time. He became threatening and my Mum locked herself in the study with the phone. She rang the Mental Health unit and all they could suggest was that she call the Police. She rang me (I could hear my Dad pounding on the door) and I said she must call the Police. Both my sister and I went up and got there before the Police. My Dad was OK with me but we kept my Mum out of the way.

The Police came and were excellent. They called an ambulance and they took him to A&E. I stayed with him and tests showed that he had a slight UTI, but the Doctor’s view was that this may be a coincidence. The UTI was not serious enough to admit him, but there was no way my Mum would have him home (and this time I fully support her).

The upshot is my Dad is to stay in hospital overnight. My mum has an appointment with an EMI care home tomorrow morning and our hope is that he will be discharged to the care of the home, temporarily at first, but with a view to it being permanent.

 

[jenniferpa]

Oh Sue I am sorry. I don't want to give you false hope, but it may the UTI - if you have read gigi's latest thread you'll see that any infection can be enough to trigger a change. However, even if it is the UTI you are all obviously getting to a point where an EMI home is likely.

Love

 

[florida mel]

Wow, you've had one hell of a day.

Hope you get to put your feet up and relax a liitle as it sounds like your strength will be needed over the next few days too.

Good luck with everything

 

[Grannie G]

Oh I`m sorry Sue. I know how much you have tried to prevent this.

Has any medication been tried to control your father`s outbursts? I know you are not happy with medication but sometimes it`s a necessary evil.

It is obviously too stressful for your mother, especially as she has her own health problems, but if he could be calmed without being knocked out, it might help.

Poor man. I hope he`ll be all right.

Love xx

 

[Margarita]

So sorry Sue to read what is happening with your father, but for the safety of your mother it does read like your all doing the right thing for your father care needs.

 

[sue38]

Thanks guys. My sister found it the hardest to deal with. She stayed with my mum whilst the Police were there, but as my Dad and I were off to the hospital she broke down. She later came down to A&E, which was a help for me and my Dad was pleased to see her.

Has any medication been tried to control your father`s outbursts? I know you are not happy with medication but sometimes it`s a necessary evil.

The Consultant agreed with us that the valium is not appropriate and was looking to prescribe an anti depressant (in all the excitement I can't remember which one) which can improve behaviour in dementia patients.

I asked the A&E doctor about it and he said that until the UTI was cleared they wouldn't alter medication.

My feeling is that this has been coming on and I agree with the A&E doctor that the UTI may be coincidental.

 

[Grannie G]

Dhiren was taken off Trazodone and given Mirtazapine which has been very successful. He is not nearly as depressed and much calmer.

 

[Margarita]

but as my Dad and I were off to the hospital she broke down.

I do feel for your mother it must of be one hell of a shock for her to experience your father behavior change like that toward her . This brain damage from the disease give out some really horrible symptoms .

 

[sue38]

I do feel for your mother it must of be one hell of a shock for her to experience your father behavior change like that toward her . This brain damage from the disease give out some really horrible symptoms .

Thanks Maggie, but my mum was OK (of a sort), it was my sister who broke down. It was the shock of 2 squad cars and an ambulance ... As I said 4 weeks ago when this happened, you can't believe this is happening to your family.

When we left for the hospital I couldn't help but notice how many of the neighbours were out gardening...

 

[DianeB]

Sue just sending you and your family my thoughts and hugs xxx

 

[sue38]

Thanks Diane.

What I forgot to say in all this, is today has been the best treatment (with regard to my Dad having dementia) we have experienced in A&E (despite the fact it was like Cup Final day in A&E).

There was an understanding that despite seeming physically fine, my Dad needed prompt attention, and when I asked, a sandwich was found for my Dad. The only wait was for the results of the bloods, and we were warned how long this would take.

 

[Sandy]

Hi Sue,

What a day you've all had.

The Consultant came to see us this morning at home, and I have to say he was excellent. Not only had he received my faxed letter, but had gone through it, made notes, and dealt with everything I had thrown at him. That was the good part of today.

The visit from the consultant probably did really help, in that it reassured you that your dad was getting very good medical care and his treatment was being monitored.

Given the events that happened later in the day, if your dad hadn't seen his consultant for months, it would be natural to think that perhaps things would have been different if he had been more closely monitored.

At least you know, whatever happens in the next few weeks, that your family has done everything to get him the best level of medical care possible.

The upshot is my Dad is to stay in hospital overnight. My mum has an appointment with an EMI care home tomorrow morning and our hope is that he will be discharged to the care of the home, temporarily at first, but with a view to it being permanent.

It seems to me that you and your family have been on a distressing roller coaster ride over the past few months. If your dad does enter an EMI care home for a spell, perhaps it will give all of you a chance to rest and reflect on future choices.

You are a wise and resourceful family and I'm sure that you will explore your options carefully.

Take care,

Sandy

 

[Skye]

Dear Sue

I second everything Sandy has said.

You've tried so hard to keep your dad at home, but this disease is inexorable. Most of us have to admit defeat in the end.

I do hope they manage to get your dad stabilised, and that the EMI home proves suitable, for the short term at least.

What I forgot to say in all this, is today has been the best treatment (with regard to my Dad having dementia) we have experienced in A&E (despite the fact it was like Cup Final day in A&E).

That's really good news! Hopefully they're beginning to get the message.

Love,

 

[sue38]

Thank you Sandy and Hazel.

My mum went to see a care home this morning and liked both the home and the manager. My mum visits a lot of care homes visiting clients, so she has a pretty good idea. My sister's neighbour's mother is in this home and he is happy with the care his mother is receiving. It is about 3 miles from my mum and dad's and even nearer to my sister. On paper it seems to tick all the boxes

- Large grounds for my dad to walk around (supervised)
- A secure 'sensory' garden
- The CSCI report commends it for its activity programme (the Consultant feels that as my dad is still fit boredom may be playing a part in his behaviour)
- Offers nursing care for as and when my dad needs it thus hopefully avoiding a move in the future should he deteriorate

They have 3 vacancies, 1 being ensuite. My sister and I have yet to see it, but will try and visit over the next few days. My sister may go with her neighbour 'to visit his mother'.

My Dad is now on a ward at the hospital. My sister visited this afternoon and physically he is fine and wanting to come home. We are hoping he will remain in hospital over the weekend (this time we are avoiding asking about discharge in the hope they will keep him in) and perhaps the home can assess him early next week.

I am off to visit in an hour's time.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks for the update Sue. Your mother is one step ahead having visited so many homes. It must help her make a fairly accurate assessment.

I hope the visiting goes well for you. I think it will be more painful for you than it will be for your father.

Let us know.

Love xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Sue:

I have followed your thread. It looks optimistic (sad though that it has to happen at all). The home you mention sounds good and at least they have vacancies.

Half of me knows I am getting closer to this with my husband, but the other half just does not want to know. I feel for your Mother and you of course.

I hope the visit goes well for you.

Jan

 

[Skye]

Hi Sue

I'm glad your mum liked the home, it's good that it's so convenient. I know it's the last thing you want, and it's going to be difficult for your dad, but at least he'll get the care he needs, until he's stabilised.

It's a good thing to transfer straight from hospital, you can say it's just for convalescence. It will certainly be good if the activities programme is positive, it makes such a difference.

Let us know how the visit goes.

love,

 

[heartbroken]

Hope you have a good visit and things work out for you.

When we left for the hospital I couldn't help but notice how many of the neighbours were out gardening...

I hate nosey neighbours haven't they got better things to do, I would have given them a wave

 

[sue38]

I visited my Dad tonight, and where do I start?

Firstly the ward is completely inappropriate for a dementia sufferer. It is in the old part of the hospital and unlike the new wards where there are bays with 6 or 8 patients, it is a long old fashioned (think Carry On Doctor) ward. Patients are packed in like sardines. The door to the toilet is unmarked, just a plain door and exactly the same as the door opposite which is the laundry. How is my dad who can't remember my name or that I am his daughter supposed to remember where to go?

My dad was very agitated when I got there and was sat at the nurses' station. They had been struggling to keep him calm for most of the afternoon. His face lit up when he saw me and I led him back to his bed (opposite the nurses' station) and sat him down. I immediately looked at his chart and was alarmed to see that they had given him haloperidol, and he was also down for lorazepam I have looked at a couple of threads since I got home and am now prepared to keep an open mind and a close watch on the administration and effect of these drugs.

I spoke with the staff nurse and expressed my concern. She seemed well informed and said she too was reluctant to give him the lorazepam as she considered it to be an old drug which tended to knock people out.

During the hour my dad calmed down. He kept telling me that he loved me , asking how the dog was , and did I have a car?

They are doing cultures of his bloods and urine samples before they call in the psych team. This will be Monday at the earliest, so we know he will be there until Monday at least.

Will see him again tomorrow afternoon and hope I can persuade my mum to come too.

I just hope that if he is discharged to a care home, at least he will think it is better than his current residence!

Thanks again for your support.

 

[Skye]

Sounds a complete nightmare, Sue. Exactly the opposite or the requirements for patients with dementia.

At least they're culturing his samples, so you should get a better idea of the extent of any infection.

At least you know he's safe, but it must be upsetting having to leave him there.

They must know who you are, too, so they'll do everything by the book.