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Update on Lionel

katherine

Registered User
Sep 5, 2006
57
dear connie
it's lovely to read a positive account of hard times. i think you must be pretty special. what a lucky husband you have...i haven't really followed what has happened with you on here. i don't get much opportunity to come to tp. i have two very little kiddies as well as my mum - annie - who has alzheimers.
but i hope that things get a little easier. i know there are tonnes of difficult times with this but there are also good times too. they shine brighter as a result...
love kate
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Futher update

Hello: yet a couple of months further down the line:

Today was my birthday, a day that the old Lione lheld 'very dear'
So I took my birthday cards in with me today............no response, indeed....confusion.

O.K But only on Valentines day 3 months ago he was just about able to sign a card for me, and enjoy a 'special tea'.

I am so sad for him, so sad for me, but really for him. There now seems to be nothing at all he can do:

Wash, hold a cup, knife, fork or spoon. Reading has long gone, cannot focus on the television. I keep the radio on in his rrom (radio 2) in case it jogs a memory.

God...this is his world....would I want to be there...NO, NO.
Can I live without him........NO, NO, NO, NO,

Sosorry, but I SHARED MY DAY WITH HIM, AND NOW i SHARE WITH YOU.
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Dear Connie,

Your message was the most moving I have read since I joined TP. Thank you for sharing it with us. It was so brave of you. At the end you apologise - there is no need.

I am sure I am one of very many who have you and Lionel in our hearts - especially today.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
connie said:
Sosorry, but I SHARED MY DAY WITH HIM, AND NOW i SHARE WITH YOU.
Connie, love, thank you for sharing your day with us. No need to apologise. I've travelled your journey with you for almost a year now, and feel privileged to have been with you. You have been brave, and loving, and dignified throughout.

I know how hard this is, I see almost daily changes in John just now, though he is not as far along as Lionel.

I share your pain because I have it to come. I just hope I can handle it with as much dignity as you.

You are a lovely, caring lady, Connie. Lionel is lucky to have you, as you are lucky to have Lionel. You have shared so much, been part of him. May God give you the strength to support him through this desperately hard time, and to continue to be his Connie for a long time to come.

You are so highly thought of on TP.

Much love, and thanks,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,545
Kent
Dear Connie,

A painful birthday instead of a happy one. You shared it with Lionel but he was unable to share it with you. We are a poor second best. Sorry is so overused, a simple expression of regret, for you, for Lionel, for all of us.

With love to you on your special day. xx
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi Connie

There's no more difficult path to tread, is there? Your resilience is profoundly moving, your spirit inspiring.

I have found that, even now when Jan has gone some way past where Lionel is presently, I can lie there with her and look at her hands - they speak to me and say "we are the hands that brushed your cheek once, not so long ago; we are the hands you held when we were in church that time 39 years ago... WE'RE still here for you". I look at her fingers and they say "We played Chopin for you, and knitted that Arran sweater you like so much... WE'RE still here for you". Her eyes, though blind now, speak and say "We saw you, and loved what we saw..WE'RE still here too" - and they are still beautiful.

Each part of her I can see speaks to me, for Jan can no longer do that in any other way.

Even when so much has gone, there is so much left.

Hang on in there. See you soon.
 

Grommit

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
2,127
Doncaster
Connie, for once I just do not know what to say that could possibly help. I really do not know from where you find the strength to carry on.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Message from Michael

hello im connies granson im going to see lionel tomorrow. I am twelve years old, and into acting and drama.

lionel was always there for me, and deep down he still is. I hope he will still remember my face. if he is asleep, maybe he will know my voice.

love to all, michael
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
connie said:
hello im connies granson im going to see lionel tomorrow. I am twelve years old, and into acting and drama.

lionel was always there for me, and deep down he still is. I hope he will still remember my face. if he is asleep, maybe he will know my voice.

love to all, michael

Hi Michael,

how lovely of you to pop in and say hello on here. Great that you're visiting Lionel tomorrow!

You know, I'm sure Lionel will know in some way that you're there, even if he can't tell you properly all the time. Keep talking to him and tell him what you've been up to. Just think - if he were well, he'd want to know these things too, and by telling him, you're making sure he's still part of all your activities.

Have a good day tomorrow and say hi to Connie too!

Best wishes,
Tina
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,545
Kent
Hi Michael, what a lovely surprise to hear from you.

Lionel was always there for you, and now you will be there for him. I hope he does remember you tomorrow, but if not, I`m sure you will understand.

My Grandson Harry is 9 years old. he is into drama and acting too, and last Easter played Mowgli in the Jungle Book at the Marlowe Theatre in Canterbury.

I know your Grandma is just as proud of you as I am of Harry.

Take care,

Love xx
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Brucie said:
look at her hands - they speak to me and say "we are the hands that brushed your cheek once, not so long ago; we are the hands you held when we were in church that time 39 years ago... WE'RE still here for you". I look at her fingers and they say "We played Chopin for you, and knitted that Arran sweater you like so much... WE'RE still here for you".

Each part of her I can see speaks to me, for Jan can no longer do that in any other way.

Even when so much has gone, there is so much left.
Gosh, Bruce, some of those things you said were often my thoughts when I used to visit my nan and gramps and aunty and uncle in hospital when they were ill...Why do hands especially have this effect?

...the hands that worked in the garden, the hands that peeled the spuds and cooked raspberry jam; the hands which turned pages of the paper or a book or photo album; the hands that prepared enormous picnics; the hands that held mine when I was little, and also when I was not so little any more; the hands that brushed away tears, that patted shoulders, that stroked my head...

Later on the hands that looked for mine in those hospital / nursing home beds, that held on and returned pressure, that still looked the same as they did years ago.... Powerful memories tonight, Bruce...

All the best,
Tina
 
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Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Michael

How nice of you to pop in and say hello to us. We don't get many youngsters on TP, so it's extra special for us.

I'm glad you're going to see Lionel tomorrow, and I hope he has a smile for you, it will mean so much to both you and your grandma. If he's asleep, I'm sure he'll know you're there, just hold his hand as you talk to him.

Goos luck with the acting,

Love,
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Tina said:
...the hands that worked in the garden, the hands that peeled the spuds and cooked raspberry jam; the hands which turned pages of the paper or a book or photo album; the hands that prepared enormous picnics; the hands that held mine when I was little, and also when I was not so little any more; the hands that brushed away tears, that patted shoulders, that stroked my head...

Later on the hands that looked for mine in those hospital / nursing home beds, that held on and returned pressure, that still looked the same as they did years ago.... Powerful memories tonight, Bruce...
Hi Tina

Your post is so moving, powerful memories for me too.

Glad you're still with us I think of you often. I hope all is well with you.

Love and hugs,
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Hello Michael, it's lovely that you are going to see your granddad tomorrow. I hope you have a happy day. Sometimes music can help to remind people that something nice is happening. Do you know any of your granddad's favourite songs? Anyway, it will be very nice for your granny Connie that you are going along. Well done.
Best wishes, Deborah
 
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Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Thanks Hazel,

yes, am still here, but read along more often than I post.

Many messages still strike a chord even though, with nan and Aunty Jean gone (who were the VD sufferers), and gramps and Uncle Harry also dying within the last 6 months shortly after Aunty Jean, my "caring from a distance" is over. Can only contribute from a "this is how it was in our case" point of view and find it hard sometimes.

The caring from a distance was often filled with worries because I couldn't be there on certain occasions, apprehension that I wouldn't get there in time when it mattered, regrets that I couldn't be closer, that I couldn't do more. Now I'm holding on to happy memories, but that's not always easy either.

However, I'm hijacking Connie's thread here, so let me just say I'm still moved by how you all carry on and still full of respect and admiration for all you do for your loved ones.

And I'll keep reading along and piping up inbetween :)

Love, Tina
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Thank you for replying to Michael. What he did not post was that his maternal grandmother is in the same home as Lionel. Not something that my DIL feels comfortable talking about.

Michael will see her tomorrow also. She has not taken so kindly to care home life, and can be quite abrasive at times. Understandable, from an adult perspective, but he finds the visists to her quite daunting. He usually 'adopts' on or two of the quieter residents, and sits and talks to them.

He has always had a good relationship with Lionel, as have my other 4 grandchildren. I am so fortunate. Thanks,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,545
Kent
Connie, it`s lovely to see such a young boy able to cope with the decline of, not only their own, but other elderly infirm too.

As you have told us about your wonderful parents, caring must be in the genes.

Love xx
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Dear Connie

Rather late in the day, but I wanted to say how nice it was to see Michael's message. It is a wonderful thing he is doing, you must be so proud of him.

We have young people in our family too who are very good at visiting the "oldies" who are not so well. I even have a young friend who is not at all related but brings her little girl to tea with my parents and me sometimes, which cheers them up no end.

I shall be thinking of you all tomorrow.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Lionel with Michael

Lionel really responded to Michaels hugs and chatter today. Not for long, and afterwards he still would not eat or drink, but , for a few minutes, he was more his old self.
 

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