1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    The last six months:
    I can hardly believe it is almost six months since my dear Lionel went into the care home.
    Looking back over my notes on him, as he will have his review soon, it has become very apparent how his condition has changed.

    First month was unsettled, but why not, as he had to adapt to a new home, with me just visiting.
    Next three months were pretty good, had some really lovely times together. Last six/eight weeks he has gone so downhill.

    His mobility has deteriorated to such an extent that he can no longer stand, even assisted . Difficulties in transference from armchair to wheelchair means that he can no longer be taken out of his room. He shouts obscenities at his carers when ever they try any form of personal care, and all care has to be done either on his bed, or on the floor. He resists the hoist. He now has to be fed with everything, although his appetite is good. Does he know me? I don’t think so, but at least he likes what he sees.

    Writing this down has clarified what in my heart I know. What now, only time will tell. How much time…………….please let me have lots more. I cannot think of my life without him,

    I have ordered him a new type of armchair, to enable him to sit more comfortably, without sliding forward or being strapped in. It is on wheels, somaybe we shall be able to get out in the gardens again. It seems like only yesterday that I posted a pic. of him outdoors, and a lovely one of us both on Valentines day.
    Makes me even more determined to treasure every single chance.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Connie, your account of Lionel is so moving.

    It's so sad that he has gone downhill so quickly, but good that he is being well cared for -- and that he has you!!!!!

    What a great gift your love is.

    It was good that you made the decision when you did to give him 24 hour care, those three months when he was cared for and you were able to have lovely happy visits have given you moments to treasure. I remember so well the photos you posted.

    My heart aches for you, love, the more so when I think that I have this to come.

    And yet despite everything your post is positive, because it is written in love. I too pray that you will have lots more time together.

    Thank you for that.

    Love and hugs,
     
  3. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Writing this down has clarified what in my heart I know. What now, only time will tel

    Thanks for the update Connie. It makes me feel so sad reading it as I know I probably have the same ahead of me. You handle it all so well and I so admire you for that. Although I try to anticipate the future, it is in the end 'day by day' and each good moment has to be treasured.

    Hope the armchair is successful.

    Best wishes Beckyjan
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Dear Connie, Look after yourself.
     
  5. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    DEAR CONNIE.How very sad , you know i have always followed you posts on Lional , so i know the reason you had to make the decision to have Lional in a care home was because his mobility was so bad and the constant falls he had ,so six months on , it is not surprising how bad things are going by my own experience with Jim .will he be able to stay at this home or will he have to move to a nursing home , i hope not .... as you seem happy with his care here . so glad you still make him happy .he might not as you say recognise you , but i bet deep within there is still a glimmer . I hope the wheel chair makes some difference . its a credit to you that you keep on striving to make his days bearable,
    TAKE CARE,
    ANGELA.XX
     
  6. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    I sincerely and deeply sympathise with you Connie and i truly wish there was somthing practical I could do.

    All I can do though is offer you my love and hope that you can continue oto find the strength needed to carry on.
     
  7. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Connie

    Just to let you know I am thinking of you. Fingers crossed that new chair turns up soon and you can enjoy some more lovely moments in the gardens together.

    Sending you hugs.

    Alison
    x
     
  8. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Connie, may the sunny weather shine a whole lot more on you and Lionel. (Have you noticed what a wonderful spring it's been?) Thinking of you and sending kindest regards, Deborah
     
  9. annesharlie

    annesharlie Registered User

    Connie
    I'm not sure what to say.... maybe just that you find peace, and Lionel can sense your love and caring. I can appreciate how hard it must be through those long winter months indoors in the care home, the spring must be greeted with such pleasure by all of you.

    Thinking of you
    anne
     
  10. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Connie,
    I am thinking of you, and what comes to mind is the saying

    He may not remember what you said or what you did, but he willremember (know) how you make him feel

    Treasure the good times and let the future take care of itself.
     
  11. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Connie

    Thinking of you and Lionel.

    Hope the new chair arrives and you can have many more happy memories out in the garden

    Love
    Alfjess
     
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Thank you

    Thanks for all your messages of support.

    Angela, you have mentioned the one aspect that concerns me most - the fear of Lionel being moved. I have the care home on my side, even though some of the newer staff will not see to Lionel (he is so hard to handle and abusive).

    The consultant called to see him today, as the CPN is concerned about him staying where he is. So upsetting. I know there are other good places around, but Lionel so settled where he is really, and majority of staff so understanding, as they had just a little time to get to know Lionel the man, not the monster he appears to be now.

    I could not find better carers to help Lionel and they are so supportive to me.

    Please keep your fingers crossed for me, and him.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Oh I will, Connie, I will.
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Everything crossed, Connie!

    Love,
     
  15. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    HI CONNIE
    So sorry Lional has reached this stage ,
    i know the despair you must feel
    as we have both trod this same path
    watching a loving kind man,decend into what you now describe .
    I know you have had many ups and downs with Lionals medication,
    i wondered if he has been tried on something to calm him down ?,
    and so enable him to stay where he is now .
    i hope there is still some scope for this .
    wish i could help
    but can only send you ,love ...hugs ..... and stuff.
    stay strong
    ANGELA.XXX
     
  16. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Memories

    One of Lionel's friends visited him on Saturday. They have known each other 50 years, and have always had fairly regular contact.

    He brought with him a DVD of old cine footage of a holiday that Lionel had with three friends when they were 19, some 45 years ago. Lionel could not focus on the TV screen, so I don't think he had any idea of what was going on, but gradually he seemed somehow to pick up on the happy atmosphere in his room.

    I have sat a watched that footage again today (on my own) and I bless his friend for giving me these memories of Lionel, even though I did not meet him until 35 years later. Very bittersweet, he was so young, and carefree then.

    Some people are so thoughtful. Makes a change from those who say "I would rather not visit, just remember him as he was". I do wish people would not try to justify themselves. Sorry, must stop rambling. God bless,
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Connie, what a lovely present. In fact, two lovely presents. The fact that Lionel's old friend bothers to keep in touch, and give Lionel some extra stimulus, and the DVD of Lionel's youth.

    It's lovely surprises like this that brighten our day.:)

    Love,
     
  18. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Dear Connie,
    I always follow your posts on Lionel. Can imagine seeing the footage was bittersweet, but how nice that the friend keeps in touch and provided some additional happiness for both of you. Seems like Lionel knew someone familiar and close was there. Nice for the two of you.
    Love and hugs,
    Tina
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,560
    Kent
    Dear Connie, now you have a permanent treasure. I hope it gives you hours of pleasure.
     
  20. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Posting this picture tonight. Hopefully his new chair arrives tomorrow. Then we may see a 'new' Lionel
     

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