Hi. I’m getting regular pupdates from home, looking forward to getting back refreshed and ready to take on the world .happy new year
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
Hoping all goes well for you and you get that much needed rain sooner than later. All the best for new year Al.
Hi. It does get better but it’s never the same. Think that sums it up. Enjoy your evening with friends, it’s the best thing you could do. Have a good new year, Al.Hi @AL60
Glad to hear about your adventures. Strange isn't it that you can be surrounded by people yet all alone.
I shall be spending NYE with some of our great friends in our local pub - something my wife and I have done these last 6 years. First year without her with me, though, so although I will be grateful for the company, I will end up feeling like "Kevin" (Macaulay Culkin) in Home Alone- so sort of with you in New York - in spirit (and hopefully, without the burglars
Hope the rest of your stay is enjoyable and a Happy New Year to you and all our readers.
Phil
It sounds good to know your wife is far enough down the road to be unworried, that has to be the best of this miserable existence. I would love to go away, but cannot yet bring myself to not see Len most days.
I wish I could know just what he is thinking, where he is, what he needs, or wants. How far away he is from reality, from me? The thing is that his feelings behaviour are so volatile, sometimes we seem to be having a perfectly simple chat, then I realise he is not really with me.
It would be so good to just know where he is, ok? Or just enduring?
Hi I couldn’t agree more. I went for a walk through Chinatown last Saturday. I’ve never seen so many people, all just going about their daily business. I walked through a park and it was full of people sitting around park tables playing cards, all wrapped up to keep warm in the late December sunshine. It was so nice to just sit and take it all in and forget all your problems. In a city like this if you can find peace and quiet, you can find it anywhere. I’m rambling again. Happy new year to you and all the best for 2020
Hi. I know exactly what you mean, I too often have those same thoughts. But I realise now that she’s out of my reach and drifting further away. The only solace I get from this is the thought that wherever she is she’s happy there. There’s nothing I can do to change things so I carry on , doing different things, looking for something that is no longer there, chasing rainbows. One day I’ll come to terms with how things really are and start to live normally again. In the meantime I’ll just go on kidding myself that everything is fine. I am getting better. Certainly much better than I was eighteen months ago and I’ll carry on getting better. And so will you but it takes time, Do try and have a nice new year, and all the best for 2020.. Al.
And now it is your turn to be happy ( as far as possible) again.
Might it happen in the new year, @AL60
What an uplifting thread you have created here @AL60 your triumph over adversity is a great example. I guess we can’t expect to overcome completely the weight of our loss but at least we can change our mindset a bit. Have a wonderful evening tonight Al, and hope everyone can find some inner peace in 2020.
Thanks Al.
I will raise a glass to you and all the lovely folk on TP at midnight.
Happy New Year
Phil
Hi everyone. Hope all well went with your new year celebrations. All my doubts about coming here to New York alone have been well and truly kicked to one side. It’s been an excellent week. I’ve met some lovely people from all over the world. New Year’s Eve went well, the river cruise out by the Statue of Liberty for the fireworks has made memories I hope to keep forever. But as we all know on this site memories can be fragile, they’re not always forever. But it doesn’t do to think like that. I already have a great responsibility remembering for the two of us. So, tomorrow I’ll be leaving for home, and I’m ready. It’s been good, but this place proves you can have too much of a good thing. After Saturday I’ll be back amongst real friends, Marley and noodle and the rest of my family. On Sunday I’ll visit my wife, she’ll smile through my visit, laugh at the antics of the dogs, there won’t be any conversation, no questions about where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing, just silence. But there’s nothing new in that. At least I don’t get shouted out of the place anymore, that’s got to be a bonus So I’m going out this evening for my last New York steak, so I’m going to enjoy it I don’t know what the coming year has in store for us, just as well we don’t know, but whatever it is I can take it. I’ll sign off now but before I’ll just repeat my happy new year to everyone
Al
Al
Happy New Year everyone. I spent it alone as my OH is in a care home, although he would have gone to bed early not really knowing it was New Year’s Eve! I enjoyed hearing about your trip @AL60 to New York. I don’t think I would be brave enough to go alone like you. I did think about going to Warners at Nidd Hall but didn’t manage to book it. I spent Christmas Day and Boxing Day at my daughters with my new baby grandson which was lovely. I did see my OH on Christmas Day aswell. It was hard as he wanted to come home and I wish he could. But I know it’s too much for me and he will not accept any carers or let me speak to anyone else. A resident offered me a chocolate and he said stop talking to him he wants to chat you up!
It’s lonely without him but I know he is well cared for and clean now. He seems to talk more since he went in there not making a lot of sense though.
It’s lonely without him but I know he is well cared for and clean now. He seems to talk more since he went in there not making a lot of sense though.
AL60 - so much of what you say resonates with me. I look at other older married couples doing things together and really envy them. I would have loved to travel now that we have more time, but I took my husband abroad last year and it was terrible - he was so disorientated and difficult to manage that I will never do that again. The thing is I'm 67 and full of energy and have a lot I want to do, but being dragged down by endless waking at night is sapping that energy, and I've started to feel very resentful. I hate all the repetition about every single small task, and I'm gradually eliminating all the things he does that go wrong (eg putting things in the wrong recycling bin). It sounds so petty to anyone else, but when you've had the same conversation 10 times within half an hour you have to have the patience of a saint not to snap. Sometimes I have to laugh about the way he insists that Savlon is a glue and he repeatedly tries to stick things with it. The endless 'searching' is what irritates me the most - he spends a large part of most days looking for something, but he doesn't know what it is so of course he can't find it. What he's actually looking for is his missing memory. Yesterday he could no longer tie up his shoelaces, he dresses himself but that frequently means two pairs of trousers and two jumpers. In essence the problem is this - I would never have chosen the job of carer, I just don't have the patience for it. It's forced on me because I'm his wife, and I do love him but I hate the way being his carer is making me so irritable all the time. I've had counselling for depression and the counsellor assured me that it was normal to feel this way. Trouble is I have a life-limiting condition, I may have another 8 years of health, and I want to go out there and live my life while I can. I feel that so many people on this forum are so saintly and self-sacrificing, and all I can think is when can I have a holiday. I guess I'm a bad person, or am I normal?
No you are normal. It’s not normal to give your own life up to for someone else! We do it gradually until it takes over completely. I kept trying to get help for my husband but he wouldn’t accept anyone he just wanted me!
Everyone needs their own space and time or we go insane and you can’t look after them because you are too ill then yourself.
Because I had to have an operation on my eye in August my husband had to go into respite and he is still there. It’s still hard Because I do feel guilty but I don’t feel as stressed. I do go out now with friends and family I can see my baby grandson and look after him which was difficult before. My husband is clean now and well fed and seems reasonably settled. He thinks he is on holiday but can’t understand why I’m not there all the time! It will never be easy. But I feel I am recovering and planning a holiday with family. I couldn’t have taken him on holiday anymore as it would have been too much for him and everyone else! The lastholiday we went on was a Warner’s weekend last April which was a nightmare for me I came home exhausted and he couldn’t remember going on holiday!
Everyone needs their own space and time or we go insane and you can’t look after them because you are too ill then yourself.
Because I had to have an operation on my eye in August my husband had to go into respite and he is still there. It’s still hard Because I do feel guilty but I don’t feel as stressed. I do go out now with friends and family I can see my baby grandson and look after him which was difficult before. My husband is clean now and well fed and seems reasonably settled. He thinks he is on holiday but can’t understand why I’m not there all the time! It will never be easy. But I feel I am recovering and planning a holiday with family. I couldn’t have taken him on holiday anymore as it would have been too much for him and everyone else! The lastholiday we went on was a Warner’s weekend last April which was a nightmare for me I came home exhausted and he couldn’t remember going on holiday!
