Two years to get this bad. What now?

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
His. It's hard to believe that it's over a month now since my last post. I must be feeling better. I was out earlier with friends, not a care in the world, well, barely a care. I came home shortly before midnight and spent an hour with those two lovable pups before bed. At twelve thirty, one cup of tea and three biscuits heavier I decided to go to bed. On putting out the lights and standing in the darkness staring out of the back window, for some reason I was suddenly overcome with a wave of grief, it took me by surprise. It never really goes away but it does get easier. I feel fine now.
I can visit the home now without getting shouted at , in fact there's very little conversation anymore, just sitting in silence, i sometimes wish she would shout at me. Can't win can I. I take those t wo little dogs with me whenever I visit and to be honest, she seems to love them.
My youngest daughter is finally about to move out. I've got mixed feelings about that. Part of me is looking forward to it, all that empty cupboard space in the kitchen, extra space on the knicker airer in the utility room, :) room for my stuff in the freezer and fridge :)all the extra space in the house once all of that stored furniture has gone. But how empty and lifeless is this place going to be afterwards? I guess you'll have to wait a while until the next post. I'm slowly coming to terms with life as an ex carer. Every now and then I have a low moment, usually short lived and nothing like those dark days of those this time last year. Truth be told I'm looking forward :) I've booked new year in New York and booked a family holiday in France next summer :) This post may seem a little up and down but don't worry, it's more up than down. I'm off to sleep now, although not having to worry about getting up for work, i still have to get up early to see to those two dogs, Noodle and Marley. Having those two in my life have made such a difference, i could go on but I'm not going to ;) so for now, goodnight. Al.:):):)
Trust me, it really does get better.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,005
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72
Dundee
I’m glad to read of so many positives in your post. Your two little dogs sound such a comfort to both of you.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
It`s so good to see all the smiley faces within your post @AL60.

I understand the pockets of grief which hit you but if the good is outweighing the bad it`s fine.

At least your wife is showing some positive reaction to the pups which helps your visits to be less traumatic.

Enjoy your well deserved holidays and you newly found zest for life. No one will benefit from a miserable you .
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
I can identify with so much in your post @AL60 and having seen the depths of despair you have written about, this is very heartening and we need that in this terrible journey. I try to find bits of pleasure as well but also have that experience of sudden overwhelming grief.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
Hi @AL60

Glad to see your uplifting post and pleased that things are going well for you.

My wife has been in her nursing home for 5 weeks, having spent the previous 9 weeks in a care centre (2 weeks respite, week in hosptial and 6 weeks assessment).

I have not had any problems in recent years with behavioural issues, as she's nearly always seemed happy and content (albeit in her own little world with little or no conversation).

I know it's early days for me but I too have found it very hard to get used to being on my own. I've had many moments like you describe, which for now at least, I am getting through by telling myself to "suck it up and put your big-boy pants on":D.

Looking forward to your future updates.

Regards
Phil
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
925
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I can visit the home now without getting shouted at , in fact there's very little conversation anymore, just sitting in silence, i sometimes wish she would shout at me. Can't win can I. I take those t wo little dogs with me whenever I visit and to be honest, she seems to love them.
I think getting those two little dogs was the best thing, both for you and for your wife. It was the turning point. Your posts are so much more positive now. I look forward to your next post.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,652
0
South East
Great to hear about your New Year plans and those two lovely little chaps . Long may your adventures with them continue . Enjoy the extra knicker space :D. Look forward to your next post .
 

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
208
0
I thought I'd had it bad but stories like this really do bring it home that no matter how bad things are, there's always someone always worse off. I came away from that meeting with some very mixed emotions. Feeling so much better about myself and at the same time feeling absolutely helpless about the predicament of some of the others.
Often others seem 'worse off' than how we see ourselves. But I often say....'just because others are worse doesn't lessen yours'
It doesn't hurt to have empathy, but don't dismiss your own stresses just because someone else seems worse.
its lovely to read positive posts I am really pleased it is working out for you.
best wishes
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
617
0
Good to hear that you are feeling more positive and looking ahead to holidays etc. What a journey this is! Wishing you the best in the months and years to come :)
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
So pleased to hear your update. Highs and lows make up life and hopefully you are moving away from a very low point. So glad the 2 canine companions have helped you on the journey. Enjoy New York
 

dancer12

Registered User
Jan 9, 2017
498
0
Mississauga
His. It's hard to believe that it's over a month now since my last post. I must be feeling better. I was out earlier with friends, not a care in the world, well, barely a care. I came home shortly before midnight and spent an hour with those two lovable pups before bed. At twelve thirty, one cup of tea and three biscuits heavier I decided to go to bed. On putting out the lights and standing in the darkness staring out of the back window, for some reason I was suddenly overcome with a wave of grief, it took me by surprise. It never really goes away but it does get easier. I feel fine now.
I can visit the home now without getting shouted at , in fact there's very little conversation anymore, just sitting in silence, i sometimes wish she would shout at me. Can't win can I. I take those t wo little dogs with me whenever I visit and to be honest, she seems to love them.
My youngest daughter is finally about to move out. I've got mixed feelings about that. Part of me is looking forward to it, all that empty cupboard space in the kitchen, extra space on the knicker airer in the utility room, :) room for my stuff in the freezer and fridge :)all the extra space in the house once all of that stored furniture has gone. But how empty and lifeless is this place going to be afterwards? I guess you'll have to wait a while until the next post. I'm slowly coming to terms with life as an ex carer. Every now and then I have a low moment, usually short lived and nothing like those dark days of those this time last year. Truth be told I'm looking forward :) I've booked new year in New York and booked a family holiday in France next summer :) This post may seem a little up and down but don't worry, it's more up than down. I'm off to sleep now, although not having to worry about getting up for work, i still have to get up early to see to those two dogs, Noodle and Marley. Having those two in my life have made such a difference, i could go on but I'm not going to ;) so for now, goodnight. Al.:):):)
Trust me, it really does get better.
Hi:

Funny how life seems to know exactly what we need and when we need it most it presents itself in the most unusual way. Nice to see the smiles & chuckles.:):)

Have a nice day.:)
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Hi. It’s been quite a while now since last posting. I’m in New York now for the new year celebrations, I’ll be staying away from Times Square, that’s for serious revellers . I’ve booked a cruise ana meal for myself on the night. I’m trying to enjoy myself but as time goes on it’s like I’m chasing rainbows. Everything looks better just Over there but when you get there it’s just the same. The day I’m looking forward to is the day I return home. It’s incredibly lonely at times even surrounded by millions of others. I’ve no regrets about coming here by the way. I’m actually enjoying my own company but every now and again it hits you. I think it’s the season, in the run up to Christmas I got more depressed thinking I’ll be glad when it’s all over for another year. Decorations stayed in the loft, what was the point of putting them up, I was away for Christmas and new year anyway. Excuses. No change with my wife, she smiles when I go to visit and oblivious if I don’t go. I’m a little homesick as I’m missing my little Marley. She’s always there and doesn’t judge . So I’ll carry on this evening, I’ve found a great little restaurant off the main area so I’ll keep coming back here, stranger in a strange town surrounded by strangers . There are many worse off than I am, in darker places than I’ll ever know. But I’m posting my feelings to make me feel better and once I’ve pressed that send button I know I’ll feel better, it’s good to share.
I’ll finish now with a happy new year message to all of you out there, it gets easier but it’s never going to be as good as it was. It’s as good as it’ll ever be. Happy new year everyone
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,455
0
Kent
Happy New Year Al.

You are very brave venturing away by yourself, especially during times of festivities.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Happy New Year to you too. I am glad to hear that you have no regrets going to New York and have found a restaurant that you are comfortable to eat in. I hope the cruise and meal on NYE are better than you expect.
So glad you mention Marley, my dog got me through some hard times too. They are amazing. Take care
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,746
0
84
East of England
Happy New Year to you too @AL60 and I wish you contentment for moments especially with Marley. I try in the midst of the sadness because I can’t be sad all the time. I think New York is a good choice, a fantastic city with lovely walks, great food and the people are friendly as most Americans are. I was there with my husband a couple of times but he was always working and I spent a lot of time on my own exploring. I really enjoyed the old downtown area around Soho and Lower Manhattan which I found was like being in a European city.
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
Happy new year to you all - we are over here in extreme drought with raging fires and smoky air - so enjoy you cool damp weather and appreciate it !!!
We would so love a rain storm. And yes New York is a great choice.
I long to travel but not quite yet -
Happy New Year
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
Hi @AL60

Glad to hear about your adventures. Strange isn't it that you can be surrounded by people yet all alone.

I shall be spending NYE with some of our great friends in our local pub - something my wife and I have done these last 6 years. First year without her with me, though, so although I will be grateful for the company, I will end up feeling like "Kevin" (Macaulay Culkin) in Home Alone:rolleyes: - so sort of with you in New York - in spirit (and hopefully, without the burglars:D).

Hope the rest of your stay is enjoyable and a Happy New Year to you and all our readers.:)

Phil
 

AL60

Registered User
Oct 14, 2016
509
0
Cheshire
Happy New Year Al.

You are very brave venturing away by yourself, especially during times of festivities.
It’s a fine line between bravery and foolishness. There have been times when I wondered if I had made the right choice. On the whole I think I did. If it’s a distraction you want, this is the place .