Hi. I couldn't go today. I wasn't going to put us both through that. I may have mentioned before, they have actually reduced her medication. Tomorrow we shall be discussing what's best for her. Up to now they haven't really inspired much confidence but they're the experts so I'll just have to put my trust in them. As for the respite home, yes, she was settled there. That was only because she thought I was in hospital, if i'd have gone to visit they wouldn't have been able to manage her as she would want to come home. All I can do is go tomorrow morning and see what happens. Al.
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
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As usual, the American here is late to the party. Regarding whether the advice not to visit may be cultural, it's possible, but this advice is sometimes given by care homes in the States as well. Judging from the US Alzheimer's forum, it happens in different parts of the country. I was advised against visiting by the director of nursing/nurse in charge of the unit where we first placed my mother, at the care home, after she witnessed my mother's behavior towards me when we moved her in. I didn't visit for over two months, in fact.
AL, hope you are as well as possible.
AL, hope you are as well as possible.
OK Al. I know we have to put our faith and trust in the people that are looking after our loved one. There is no other way. Hope it is sorted soon so that she will settle and you will then feel better. My love to you and your wife.x
Couldn't you tell the staff you have health issues and can't visit for a month or longer?
Al, so sorry you are going through this...I can’t imagine how hard it is for you. It sounds horrendous. Hopefully it is some comfort to you that you are doing what the professionals are asking you, and so, helping your wife.
Hi. Yesterday morning we went for that best interest meeting. The result came as no surprise, section 3. At leastI've got the go ahead to look for a local care home. They've monitored her behaviour and are quite happy to transfer her care to a care home of my choice. I'm still sure she's losing weight and when I mentioned that she told me she'd fallen they said they had no record of a fall while in there care. Odd, a few days earlier she had a fall in her room while I was with her. I reported it to them and even had a chat about it with the o.t. obviously if she falls and lands on her backside it doesn't count as a proper fall. I'll be glad when she's out of there. I've not visited today. It hurts not to go but whenever she sees me she thinks she's going home, I'll go again on Monday. Al.
Yes, you said you were going to take the weekend off and I’m glad you are. I’m doing the same here..but I am speaking to my husband on the phone twice a day. I really hope you find a home that you like for your wife.
Hello Al. I hope you find a care home that you are happy with and soon. And hopefully not to far away from where you live. Try to get advice on homes from people like Alzheimers Society, Social worker and others that will know the different homes. I am sure they can't say bad things but there is no reason they can't say good things. I hope it all goes well and gets sorted quickly.xxxHi. Yesterday morning we went for that best interest meeting. The result came as no surprise, section 3. At leastI've got the go ahead to look for a local care home. They've monitored her behaviour and are quite happy to transfer her care to a care home of my choice. I'm still sure she's losing weight and when I mentioned that she told me she'd fallen they said they had no record of a fall while in there care. Odd, a few days earlier she had a fall in her room while I was with her. I reported it to them and even had a chat about it with the o.t. obviously if she falls and lands on her backside it doesn't count as a proper fall. I'll be glad when she's out of there. I've not visited today. It hurts not to go but whenever she sees me she thinks she's going home, I'll go again on Monday. Al.
Hi. I did have the weekend off but it wasn't easy to actually enjoy it. All the time wondering how she was feeling, what she might be doing, yes, it's certainly a bumpy ride.
I spent this morning visiting the four suitable care homes on our side of the borough. Two of them don't take anyone under sixtyfive. If nothing else it made the choice easier. Not to worry, there are several more over the bridge in the other half of the borough. Though, after all the trips I've been making just of late, a short trip over the bridge should be a doddle.
I'm trying to keep it together, go to the shops for nothing in particular, buy flowers for the vases in the front window, fighting a losing battle keeping the place tidy, same goes for the garden. I know I must try harder but all the time I just keep telling myself, I'll do it tomorrow, always tomorrow. I recently had a big tidying session, had numerous trips to the local tip, yet looking around I can't tell. It's now five minutes past six. The cupboards are full yet I'm just not hungry. It'll get better won't it, it will, won't it?
Al.. ps. I've got an appointment at the Drs on Friday afternoon. I think it's time to be honest. Trying to pretend everything is ok and don't worry I'll be fine. The only person I'm kidding is me. Al.
I spent this morning visiting the four suitable care homes on our side of the borough. Two of them don't take anyone under sixtyfive. If nothing else it made the choice easier
. Not to worry, there are several more over the bridge in the other half of the borough. Though, after all the trips I've been making just of late, a short trip over the bridge should be a doddle. I'm trying to keep it together, go to the shops for nothing in particular, buy flowers for the vases in the front window, fighting a losing battle keeping the place tidy, same goes for the garden. I know I must try harder but all the time I just keep telling myself, I'll do it tomorrow, always tomorrow. I recently had a big tidying session, had numerous trips to the local tip, yet looking around I can't tell. It's now five minutes past six. The cupboards are full yet I'm just not hungry. It'll get better won't it, it will, won't it?
Al.
. ps. I've got an appointment at the Drs on Friday afternoon. I think it's time to be honest. Trying to pretend everything is ok and don't worry I'll be fine. The only person I'm kidding is me. Al.
Don't force yourself to do what you don't feel like doing.
We often need to rest and float in the void. We need time to adjust
I’ve heard that when a loved one goes into a home a grieving process begins, grieving for what will no longer be etc. Maybe you are going through this so don’t be too hard on yourself. You are bound to feel lost and a bit adrift. It’s not what you want but you know it makes sense. It will get better and you will have good and bad days, whatever sort of day you are having, it’s ok to feel whatever you feel.
I hope you find somewhere suitable soon and yes, be honest with the dr. Sending you a big hug.
I hope you find somewhere suitable soon and yes, be honest with the dr. Sending you a big hug.
Dear Al. I hardly know what to say to you. The pain you have is just so awful and it will take some time before you start to feel better. Once your wife is settled and I hope, shows signs to you that she is happy, you will then start to accept the situation (that is not your fault) and realise that you can now try to enjoy the visits and there will be all sorts of things to do, but different. Davids care home is like a second home to me. The staff always acknowledge me and ask how I am. Sometimes we sit at the table when lunch is finished, and chat about all sorts of things and I now class them as my friends. Also I know the other residents sitting at my husbands table and always speak to them and take in magazines now and then for them to look at whilst waiting for dinner to arrive. Sometimes there is entertainment which you will be able to watch with your wife if you want to. Just trying to paint a picture for you. I know how you feel and it will get better, but it will take time. love to you and your wife.xxHi. I did have the weekend off but it wasn't easy to actually enjoy it. All the time wondering how she was feeling, what she might be doing, yes, it's certainly a bumpy ride.
I spent this morning visiting the four suitable care homes on our side of the borough. Two of them don't take anyone under sixtyfive. If nothing else it made the choice easier
I'm trying to keep it together, go to the shops for nothing in particular, buy flowers for the vases in the front window, fighting a losing battle keeping the place tidy, same goes for the garden. I know I must try harder but all the time I just keep telling myself, I'll do it tomorrow, always tomorrow. I recently had a big tidying session, had numerous trips to the local tip, yet looking around I can't tell. It's now five minutes past six. The cupboards are full yet I'm just not hungry. It'll get better won't it, it will, won't it?
Al.
Quote Casbow
I know how you feel and it will get better, but it will take time
Casbow is so right @AL60
Those of us who've been there also know how you feel and there's no escaping these feelings until you see your wife is settled and have had time to rest and recuperate.
Your first step in taking yourself to the GP is a wise step.
I know how you feel and it will get better, but it will take time
Casbow is so right @AL60
Those of us who've been there also know how you feel and there's no escaping these feelings until you see your wife is settled and have had time to rest and recuperate.
Your first step in taking yourself to the GP is a wise step.
Hi. Good morning. Im posting earlier today. Not because i feel the need, more because I can't sleep. Been awake since three, now I've not got a clue what the time is. Tablet and clock are an hour different. So what, nothing spoiling. I was so tired yesterday, I fell asleep more than once, probably why I'm wide awake now. I'll be visiting my wife later today. I hope that this visit is as good as the last two, she was in a much sweeter mood. In many ways that makes it harder to leave her behind, why couldn't she be like that all the time. It doesn't work like that though does it. Later on I've got an appointment at the Drs, it's a recall after a recent blood test, the appointment is with a member of the health improvement team, how I can change my lifestyle to reduce my cholesterol levels. Well, I've certainly been eating less cake and biscuits since my wife hasn't been here, if they're not in the cupboard I don't miss them. I could find ways of reducing stress but I don't for the life of me know how to do that at the moment. My diet could do with improving, that's when I do eat, it's so easy to skip meals. Where oh where is life taking me next? That's anyone's guess. At least it seems for the immediate future it won't be to sleep. I must try though, I can think of nothing worse than visiting this afternoon and falling asleep in the next chair, don't laugh, head back, mouth wide open, it's happened before, I call it a power nap, must be the environment. No chance of sleeping now though. Well, the five o'clock news is on so I guess this tablet is out of sync with the rest of the world, a bit like me. Once again, good morning, Al.
. I must try though, I can think of nothing worse than visiting this afternoon and falling asleep in the next chair, don't laugh, head back, mouth wide open, it's happened before, I call it a power nap, must be the environment. No chance of sleeping now though. Well, the five o'clock news is on so I guess this tablet is out of sync with the rest of the world, a bit like me. Once again, good morning, Al.
Good morning, Al. My husband has been in his care home for almost two weeks now. Up until now he has been pretty confused and very sleepy. Yesterday he was much more alert, and I found myself thinking (again) did I make this move too quickly?
I’m finding it hard to decide what I should be doing for myself. Is that how it is for you? I’m good at looking after people, but my roles are disappearing, Mum, wife...and I’m not sure who is left! I think one of the reasons I am eating quite well, is because my daughter is on school holidays and she and I are eating together in the evenings at the moment. Is your daughter still living with you? I know I should get out and walk more, but I’m visiting Martin most days and that is taking up three or four hours a day. I think you have to drive to where your wife is?
Not sure what I’m saying here, except I think our situations are similar. If I discover a wonderful way to cope with this, I will tell you immediately, and maybe you will do the same?!
I’m finding it hard to decide what I should be doing for myself. Is that how it is for you? I’m good at looking after people, but my roles are disappearing, Mum, wife...and I’m not sure who is left! I think one of the reasons I am eating quite well, is because my daughter is on school holidays and she and I are eating together in the evenings at the moment. Is your daughter still living with you? I know I should get out and walk more, but I’m visiting Martin most days and that is taking up three or four hours a day. I think you have to drive to where your wife is?
Not sure what I’m saying here, except I think our situations are similar. If I discover a wonderful way to cope with this, I will tell you immediately, and maybe you will do the same?!
Hi. Yes the similarities are definitely there. I'll only visit every other day, a fifty miles round trip and a two or three hour visit and a whole afternoon disappears. She's still in the assessment centre at the moment so I'm hoping that a move to a care home will happen soon. I also don't know what to do with myself in the free time I have. I'm not eating well and I know it. My daughter is still at home but she works shifts so isn't always home at meal times. Half the time I'm just not hungry. All my regular routine has gone out of the window. Things will probably get worse before they get better, at least I hope things are going to get better, I just can't bear the way things are at this moment. Oh well, the time fot sleep is here, hope i don't wake up again at daft o'clock again, im in with a chance tonight, i didn't get my afternoon power nap today. Today's visit went reasonably well, she only gets upset when it's time for me to leave. That's the hardest part of the visit. Al.
