Turning to alcohol .to help block the scaryness of mams alzhiemers.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by spuddle, Jan 8, 2015.

  1. spuddle

    spuddle Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    I don't really know what to say. what I do know is that every time things get hard or odd with mam I drink. I drink cos im scared. I drink cos things go wrong with mam. and what I really like is to drink enough to pass out and not worry about mam. all of this is totally bonkers as I know I have to be there at the end of the phone and I am.. and yes, I am stuck into a bottle of wine, feeling helpless, got my mobile phone down my bra in case mam needs me. . thank you talking point for letting me vent my emotionsx
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    It's an cliff edge I stood and looked over, you need to take a step back and keep stepping backwards, life with a person with AZ is hard enough put alcohol in the mix and it gets 10 times worse. Stop on your own, join AA whichever but do something please.
    I'm sure we're not the only drinkers on here and it's brave of you to admit it in public and that's very much the first step admitting you have a problem to yourself and then to others it's a move in the right direction. You don't need to stop drinking just get it under control, there's nothing wrong with having a drink but passed out with a Nokia in your La Senza isn't the way forward.
    You're right to worry about the future and the biggest worry is you if you don't do something.
  3. Miss Merlot

    Miss Merlot Registered User

    Oct 15, 2012
    Spuddle - I get you.

    I too drink more than I should, as a way of blotting out mum-in-law, dementia, work worries and just general life stress....

    I have no words of advice - am drinking out of my own bottles at the moment (so to speak). Unless switching to First Cape (low-alcohol) counts as advice, but even then I don't take my own (tastes like glorified Schloer to me).

    If you are anything like me, the thought of going through the day without a little pick-me-up at the end of it is just too much to handle feels unrelentingly bleak. Then that little pick-me-up turns into a larger than intended one...?

    But you are not on your own at least....
  4. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    It is indeed very tempting to blot out all the awfulness with a drink or two or three. What is the result of that though other than a sore head, a sick stomach and self loathing. It may sound like a cliche but exercise is the answer - running, walking, swimming, out on your bike, Pilates, gym membership. Endorphins are not to be knocked in giving you a zest for life again and making the daily grind bearable.

    I have hardly any time to myself nowadays but my one break for a swim leaves me feeling better than any drink or bar of chocolate could do - and I like both.

    Please stop and get your life on track again - we care.
  5. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    completely understand where you are coming from. It's up to you but this is a good website, free for a while then there is a small subscription unfortunately but by then you might have read enough to either make you feel better about yourself and not worry, or to decide to do something about it, or to remember it and go back later when you feel up to it.


    If you want to know some books to try please pm me, I don't want to bang on about this.

    But I personally don't believe abstinence is essential, it's a choice. My problems were a coping mechanism that simply went haywire, I seem to be fine now.
  6. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012

    You're not on your own with another one here too.

    Time for exercise? who has that?

    Don't even have time for showers. By the time you've sorted physical and emotional problems out for the person your caring for...it's 1am.

    Sleep is hard to find because you're either worried about some problem that seems to be brewing and you're trying to work out what it could be or you're faced with total illness and all the servitude that is required, or you're faced with nothing being resolved and the guessing game begins again tomorrow.

    At the crack of dawn.
    Until the c o c k crows.

    Unrelenting caring.

    I defy ANYBODY not to seek respite from it.

    I do not receive any prescribed drugs, no anti-depressants, no sleeping tablets...none of the things that others feel are 'sympathy' drugs as a result of their caring.

    I have a glass of wine.

    It's too much Spuddle, if it feels like too much to you.

    Perhaps you are marking the line yourself...passing out? well..for me... I would say that would be too much...but I don't know your margins and I don't know your troubles.

    Take care, stay aware and always know that if things stress you ttttttooooo much...look for help outside of yourself...as you have done tonight.

    Best wishes. x
  7. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    PLEASE go to your GP and ask for help. Write down what has been happening and how you have been feeling so that if you can't find the words at the appointment you can hand over the note.

    Marionq's ideas are brilliant but I know that when depression hits it is really hard to get motivated unless you have a good friend to support you.

    I do hope you get some help soon. Take care.
  8. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Me too,I'm all or nothing in that I can not drink at all or don't know when to stop.A bit pathetic in a woman of 60.I totally get we're you're coming from graft,either worrying about what's happened,what's happening or what's about to happen.In many ways my worries and stresses have diminished,my dear sister who was in an abusive relationship and suffering from cancer passed away last year,although heartbreaking it was also a relief as brain cancer had rendered her helpless.Now worry about her lovely daughters aged 11,and 6 who we are not allowed to see.Mum and Dad now both in full time care,for about a week I relaxed then a whole new set of worries and guilt crept in.Now a poorly husband to throw into the mix.And the state of the country.And the world.And my own 4 kids.And will I get dementia?I'd like to volunteer for desert island discs and stay there,on my own for a very long time.
  9. Ash148

    Ash148 Registered User

    Jan 1, 2014
    Dublin, Ireland
    Actually, that's a wonderful thought: a desert island, no mobile phone, freedom from guilt as nothing one could possibly do for one's loved ones and no pressure to engage with the system or other family members. Please count me. In the meantime, I've opened a bottle tonight - know I shouldn't but it is the only way to get some sleep.
  10. Benrese

    Benrese Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    I would like to support you in continuing your awareness of what the drink may do to you. Since you said your phone is in your bra, I am going to step out on an edge and say you are a woman. There is a brilliant organization called "Women for Sobriety"-if you choose not to go down the AA route, or even if you do. It's a modern day site for women who are going through all kinds of things and are in all kinds of walks of life. You can safely share there and you will be heard.


    Hang in there. Clearly you have the insight to know this is not the road you want to head down. x
  11. Liz57

    Liz57 Registered User

    Dec 22, 2013
    Me to.

    I think there's more of us than we like to admit.
  12. Torontonian

    Torontonian Registered User

    I can't drink because every time I open a bottle, she'll say what are you an alcoholic.... so I eat, lots of chocolate.. no going to bar either because I have to be home, if not working....what a fun life I live...

    We must take care of ourselves sometimes..
  13. Benrese

    Benrese Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    Well, good to know we are not alone, eh? I will have a year under my belt next month. I can tell you that going through the death of mum-in-law last week...well...if I were drinking, I wouldn't have been able to be a support to my husband and his sister.

    I was thinking, it is January and that is our UK dry out month. I wonder if there is anything stopping us from creating a thread in the Tea Room to support each other, for those who would like to working on reaching dry ground.

    Thoughts? :)
  14. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Yes, let's start a wine club instead:D
  15. Benrese

    Benrese Registered User

    Apr 12, 2014
    Is that wine or whine club? :p
  16. spuddle

    spuddle Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    Thanks for your replies and more importantly advice. I know that adding alcohol into the mix isnt gonna help things, think thats why i put it out here. most of the time im doing ok then some days after trying to keep a cheerful face and positive view i feel like exploding and thats when the wine oclock comes in. and yes it has been getting more frequent lately as mams problems have been getting more frequent.
    Just gotta keep smiling..... and breathing calmly in... out..in.. out.
  17. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    Spuddle I have been thinking about you over the last few days and wondering how you are doing. Of course during a bad spell it is a lot harder. John over the last few days has been manic, my sister has an SSI ( surgical site infection), and my sister in law' s sheltered housing management have been phoning me because she keeps switching her flashing light alarm off - she is deaf.

    To be honest if I had a weakness for drink then I would be tempted to lock the bedroom door and just go for it. When you are overwhelmed you need a crutch. Well today John has calmed down and is very tired, my sister is showing a slight improvement and my SIL is going to sit with John this week till I get a swim.

    So, I am glad I don't have to start the week with a hangover because things are a bit better and I can only hope you will be able to say the same very soon. Nothing lasts forever. Try to look after your health and find ways to make life better for yourself. We will be thinking of you.
  18. irishmanc

    irishmanc Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    It's important not to berate yourself for this. We all need a crutch at difficult times and reaching for a bottle of wine is by no means uncommon for many of us. Your drinking is a response to the situation you are in - it won't go on forever.
    Give yourself a break!
  19. leicester61

    leicester61 Registered User

    Aug 26, 2012
    Nothing has ever touched me as to what you have said here. your an amazingly wise and wonderful person giving that response. I too hit the wine at the begining but all of a sudden i didnt want it anymore, couldnt stand how bad i felt the next day either. dont get me wrong i still have the occasional 'friday nite' blast and enjoy every last drop,but just wanted to say thank you for your insight it has touched me immensely xx
  20. marsaday

    marsaday Registered User

    Mar 2, 2012
    Just thought I'd add my tuppence worth. Coming from a family with 2 alcoholics (dad and sister both dead from it) I am always thinking about what I drink. And I love a drink! But I do try to have say 3 alcohol free days in the week and on the others, well half a bottle, maybe more, at the weekend- OK usually more at the weekend:))

    It's scary how one's drinking can creep up over the years. While I don't have the feeling that once I start I can't stop, I do like a more regular supply than I used to and think life would be terribly dull/boring and depressing without. As for a dry January, hand on heart, I don't think I could do it. A dry week would be an achievement. Then I think of people I know who don't drink much and they are either on regular sleeping pills which I don't touch or wound up and can't relax.

    I once read an article about the French and how their level of drinking is going down but their consumption of tranquillisers for depression/anxiety has increased. Now I know what I think is much more civilised. I never took drugs, don't take any medications and eat a fairly healthy diet so I'm happy to continue self medicating a little and when you see what problems people are dealing with - well it's a miracle we're not all alcoholics.

    Spuddle I would say though, that drinking to the point of passing out is another matter. When my sister died she left some diaries describing her struggle with alcohol which helped me understand how hard it was for her. Unfortunately she only ever managed abstinence for a short time. I think for some people it is necessary. They just can't regulate it.

    Good luck and seek help if you think it's gone too far.

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