Don't feel guilty
I really sympathise with how you feel. I had to put my Godmother into a home because of her dementia and felt like a criminal. I did a course at the local hospital memory clinic to understand the illness and it really helped. I had set days for visits and trips and other days for my family. I got to know the care home staff well and trusted them implicitly. I knew that my auntie was loved and cared for when I wasn't there. Once you understand what the illness does to people and how it makes them behave it is much easier to detach yourself emotionally from the guilt feelings. My auntie died after nearly four years in care and I still miss her but I recognised early on that Firstly I could not care for her around the clock as well as the dedicated nursing staff and secondly my family needed me too.
My Dad also has Alzheimer's and is cared for by my Mum with a lot of support from me and my husband. Dad can be very difficult and has had a complete personality change but because I know this is part of the illness and not wilful it is somehow easier to deal with. I try to talk to him about how he is feeing and approach his illness head on. If he is difficult or confused then I try to adopt an adult role rather than that of a daughter(junior). I supposed I have learned to detach my emotion as a coping mechanism. I know that my Dad would not want me, my marriage or my children to be adversely affected by his illness (we are a very close family and I love him to bits) but he is coming to the end of his life and it must not damage the lives of his grandchildren.
This may all make me sound very hard but getting professional advice, help and training was the best thing I ever did. I also eventually persuaded my mum to do the course and it did help her to meet with other carers in the same situation. I hope that you can find some help in your area. Our local memory clinic and the local Alzheimer's branch are fantastic. Ask for help.
I really sympathise with how you feel. I had to put my Godmother into a home because of her dementia and felt like a criminal. I did a course at the local hospital memory clinic to understand the illness and it really helped. I had set days for visits and trips and other days for my family. I got to know the care home staff well and trusted them implicitly. I knew that my auntie was loved and cared for when I wasn't there. Once you understand what the illness does to people and how it makes them behave it is much easier to detach yourself emotionally from the guilt feelings. My auntie died after nearly four years in care and I still miss her but I recognised early on that Firstly I could not care for her around the clock as well as the dedicated nursing staff and secondly my family needed me too.
My Dad also has Alzheimer's and is cared for by my Mum with a lot of support from me and my husband. Dad can be very difficult and has had a complete personality change but because I know this is part of the illness and not wilful it is somehow easier to deal with. I try to talk to him about how he is feeing and approach his illness head on. If he is difficult or confused then I try to adopt an adult role rather than that of a daughter(junior). I supposed I have learned to detach my emotion as a coping mechanism. I know that my Dad would not want me, my marriage or my children to be adversely affected by his illness (we are a very close family and I love him to bits) but he is coming to the end of his life and it must not damage the lives of his grandchildren.
This may all make me sound very hard but getting professional advice, help and training was the best thing I ever did. I also eventually persuaded my mum to do the course and it did help her to meet with other carers in the same situation. I hope that you can find some help in your area. Our local memory clinic and the local Alzheimer's branch are fantastic. Ask for help.