Tips to 'get started' in the morning

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Nutty Nan, Jan 13, 2005.

  1. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    787
    Buckinghamshire
    Does anyone have any useful tips to help me getting my husband up in the morning?
    I am still working, and have to leave by 8am. I get myself ready, prepare breakfast, packed lunches and everything else by 7am, so that I have the best part of an hour to spend with my husband, to ease him into the day. He is safe throughout the day, with occasional visits/phone calls, and although he cannot tell the time any longer, he knows/remembers that I will be home by 4pm.
    Just recently, I have had real difficulties waking him, and getting him to get out of bed, and on a couple of occasions I have had to leave him in bed. On those days, I have no idea whether he gets up 10 minutes after I've left, or 2 hours later. Unfortunately, I can't ask him to ring me, as he has forgotten how to make calls.
    I know that dressing is a big challenge for him, as is food preparation, and he certainly would not take his medication. That's why a 'joint start' to the day seems the only answer: he can then relax in an armchair if he needs to, while I can get on with my job instead of worrying, fretting, and asking for time off to pop back home and check on him.
    He is physically well, he has not had any new medication, he is not doing anything unusual or strenuous during the day, and we have brought 'bedtime' forward so much that he is usually asleep before 9pm now. I turn lights and music on gradually, before I actually try to wake him around 7am.
    I have grown to dread every morning, as I feel so guilty for expecting something of him that is clearly too difficult, but changing my hours to work later is almost impossible, as that is the busiest time for me.
    Sorry, I've gone on a bit - any ideas anyone?? Has anyone noticed a similar development?
    Many thanks and kind regards, Carmen
     
  2. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    Hi Carmen

    I too used to dread waking my mum in law up in a morning as she just did not want to get up, worse now its dark in the morning. I needed her to get up to go to day care. She would be very aggressive and i used to look forward to days she wasn't going to daycare just so i didn't have to face waking her up. What i have tried now is taking her a cup of tea up and i find this helps a great deal as she appreciates the cup of tea enough for her not to be nasty about being woken up before her time. It may not work for everyone but it is worth a try. i leave her for about 10 mins then go back on the pretence of picking up her cup to ensure that she has not gone back to sleep.
    Incedently if left to wake up by herself she will stay in bed till at least lunchtime.

    Good luck

    jan
     
  3. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    787
    Buckinghamshire
    Thanks, Jan!
    Anything is worth a try!
    I have considered the idea of an early morning cuppa, but discarded it a) because it's not something Tony is used to, and b) because I suppose I was worried that having had a cuppa he might be even more inclined to snuggled down again and snooze - as you say, possibly till lunchtime.
    Still: I will give it a try, and I'll let you know how I get on.
    Love, Carmen
     
  4. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Dear Carmen

    If hubby snuggles and sleeps until lunchtime is it really going to matter - he may as a plus stay up a little later and at least he'll be safe. I found the 'norm' was caster-adjustable, going with the flow was easier than the angst after god knows how long of trying to keep things to a fixed routine.

    Do you have any help coming in during the day at all? Or is now not quite the time?

    Best wishes
    Chesca
     
  5. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    I agree that time and how it is used is a relative thing, so sleeping late is not such a problem.

    We went the other way when Jan was home and we went to bed earlier and earlier in the evening. I always had to go to bed with her [even when she said that she shouldn't be getting into bed with a man] as she would wander otherwise, or get frightened. Fortunately she usually slept through to morning.

    Where it could cause trouble is if he begins to sleep later and later, and then is awake during the night. Time shifting can be a major problem, especially if one of the family needs to keep to conventional sleep patterns.

    Just something to watch.
     
  6. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    787
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Chesca,
    Sleeping later is no problem at all. The problem starts when he gets up after I've gone off to work: he won't know why I am not here, and he will struggle with clothing as well as food and drink. At the same time, I can't concentrate on work because I feel guilty for not being there for him ...
    'Outside help' is a bit tricky for that particular scenario - if the problem continues, I may have to ask for an hour off in the middle of the morning to go back and do 'my bit'. Easier said than done, but hubby will come first.
    Will keep you posted. Carmen
     
  7. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Dear Carmen

    You can't legislate for any of this along the lines of a timetable. You'll break your heart and your will. Leaving hubby may be OK for an hour, the next you may get to work and your hour's help may be too late or not even needed. There is nothing predictable about any of this, sure you know, I know. How are you to sustain both work and worry simultaneously? You must be worried sick when working. In order to have the benefits of both worlds you need to have hubby in the system - not needed now perhaps, but the initial chat with the support services gets your name on the list sooner rather than later - by which time they will be asking 'just what do you want us to do right now, these things take time, don't you know'.

    Quite frankly, I would be scared stiff that there is no ability to use the phone, no immediate help available because your husband has found himself in a 'situation'. Anything could happen. You could have the best of the worst of worlds if somebody was at home during the morning, a friendly face (call he/she your gardner, whatever) with your blessing and assessment, leaving you with the emotional health to get out to work. Yes, he comes first, but you don't have to abandon your work, it's not a competition. You're important too even if it is hard to find the balance.

    Thinking of you both
    Chesca
     
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Carmen, good point Chesca makes, you need to get SS on board and the system involved. Once they agree you need someone to do a mid morning call. This could save you worrying so much and enable you to carry on at work. Perhaps you could introduce the caller as a "cleaning lady" to give you a hand as you are "beginning to feel your age" (sorry) a bit? I used every ploy in the book to get Mum to accept the help we needed to allow me to cope. It is NOT a sign of failure believe me, just self (and them) preservation to face another (and another) day. Mum accepted the cleaner, then the Saturday friend who came to bath her because my back was bad, (incidentally that was true) then the lady to help at night once a week so I could sleep (courtesy of Crossroads) etc. Get into the system, then find out how it can work for you. We can help you with suggestions and you can fit it to suit your needs. You don't have to take any help you don't want, just make your life easier. Love She. XX
     
  9. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    787
    Buckinghamshire
    thanks

    Thanks for all your help!
    The problem is, as you can imagine, intermittent, and I keep my fingers crossed every morning.
    CPN is due next week, and I will talk to her about it then. I am also hoping that brighter mornings may help a bit.
    No need to apologise about 'getting on', Sheila: another birthday yesterday - 'trendy' clothes, flowers and anti-wrinkle cream from family and friends! If I was a 'glass-half-empty' person I might be offended, but since I am a 'glass-half-full' person, I take it there is a little bit of hope left for me yet!
    Cheers! Carmen:)
     

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