Time for a care home?

[CatherineC]

My aunt (83) suffers from dementia - she was diagnosed c 2018/9. She lives alone in London (2 hours away from me) and was coping reasonably well. However it’s starting to feel like she has deteriorated a lot and I’m not sure if it’s now time for her to go into a care home. I don’t think that she ever goes out anymore - certainly she has not withdrawn cash or used a bank card for a year. I arrange for supermarket deliveries of food. She was not washing her hair so a hairdresser now goes in weekly- I suspect that she rarely washes herself although no one knows. I have carers who go in daily to make sure that she has an evening meal and takes her medication. She is lucky in that her upstairs neighbour keeps an eye on her and helps her when she loses her keys, runs short of milk etc. Her memory is terrible: she literally can’t remember anything & the neighbours say that they don’t think she knows who they are - I’ve been fairly sure that she doesn’t know who I am for some time. I‘m quite sure that she would let anyone in to her flat. I think she pretty much lives in chocolate biscuits and cups of tea during the day…although she has not lost weight. She doesn’t ever go anywhere or see anyone and the neighbours say she is bored and lonely. There are monthly dementia drop ins near her, but these appear to be more about supporting the carer than my aunt - and getting the care agency to do more is an uphill struggle. The neighbours say she is often up in the night, opening the front door and calling for her cat - they now bolt the front door high up so she can’t do this so easily.
I’m concerned for her safety. It’s hard for me to sort things out for her from a distance even with the carer agency as I have to chase them to get anything done. She isn’t washing and looking after herself from a hygiene point of view and her clothes are dirty (I’ve asked the agency to help with this but they don’t). She doesn’t eat properly and doesn’t see anyone apart from the carers daily and her neighbour some days. She doesn’t go out or do anything except wander around her flat drinking tea incessantly and looking for her cat.
it seems like she has no quality of life or structure and I’m wondering if a care home is the right option now? In some ways it would be easier if there were a crisis (wandering, frailty) - but there is not so it’s harder to decide…. I’d be grateful for some experienced opinions…

 

[leny connery]

just from that information you give, there s no question..it is care home for her. lonely, bored, bad eating habits and hygiene , risk of wandering out looking for her cat etc. I was told the parameter if one is a danger to self, then it is time. don't you agree she is ?

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @CatherineC I also think that your aunt would be best cared for in a nursing home. The lack of washing, eating, being on her own most of the time etc cannot be good for her. From your description there also seems to be a lack of care from the carers.
The looking for her cat would also be a red flag, as would your statement that she would let anyone into the house.
I think that you need to contact adult social services and tell them that your aunt is a vulnerable adult at risk of harm, citing all of the issues you have stated here.

 

[Sonya1]

It very much seems to me as though your Aunt might thrive in the right care home. Some will even allow pets and it would be lovely for her to have the reassurance of company and help on hand. There's a limit to how much you will be able to do as things decline, and in fact could it be that she could move to a home nearer to you so she could benefit from visits? Definitely think very seriously about it. If she is self funding for care then Social Services may not be overly interested although they should still agree to do a needs assessment! Sounds as though her current carers are doing the absolute minimum.

 

[CatherineC]

Thank you for your replies. Sometimes it’s hard to get clarity when you are close to the problem, and experienced people at the care homes day she is in the early stages, but it feels like she is further along than that but because she is physically fit and stays at home - so she comes across as less needy than she is.