There is a saying..............

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grannie G, Aug 19, 2007.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    There is a saying which is,

    `If everybody put their troubles in the middle of a field, we would all take our own back.`

    When I post about my trials and tribulations, I receive so much sympathy and understanding from so many on TP.

    But when I read the challenges some members face, I wonder how on earth they manage to get through the day.

    So is it true?
     
  2. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Another saying............

    Hi grannie g,a trouble shared is a trouble halved sprang to mind when i read your post.i think having this site to turn to makes the day worth while.good one or bad one.we are all in the same boat its just some can paddle faster than others.we live in a world full of challenges but we all share the same one on this site.Get through today and face tomorrow when it comes.take care.love elainex
     
  3. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    If I had your problems, Sylvia, I couldn't cope. I'd get ratty, overwhelmed with self pity and probably become, in the words of another TP-er, a 'basket case'.

    That's not to say that I don't do all these things even as I am, with my own tribulations. But I think anyone else's woes would send me round the bend even faster! :D
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    That`s my point Deborah.

    I feel I AM coping.

    And when I read of the problems of others; incontinence, shadowing, disruption, physical abuse, broken nights, final stages, etc. etc. I`ll take my problems out of the field any day.

    Love xx
     
  5. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Maybe a case of better the devil you know than the devil you dont.
    Helen
     
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    I think it really helps to put things in perspective when I read or hear of others' challenges with AD.

    My mother has been aggressive, violent & abusive in the past. Yes, it was difficult and stressful. But a friend's mother cries all the time. If my mother cried all the time, I think it would completely break my heart. As bad as the aggression was, I could usually deal with that. I would come here and vent and it helped.

    But I don't know how I could carry on if she were crying all the time. I don't know how my friend copes with that now.

    As I once said in a post long ago, there is always someone worse off than me and I should learn to count my blessings.
     
  7. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    I do agree - when I come on here I think that everyone's problems seem worse than mine - I think it's the norm with empathetic people.

    However, I sometimes think it's also the path that leads to guilt - why can't I cope when other people can, I have no right to feel bad when other people have it worse.

    But I do enjoy coming on to TP and receiving support and comfort.

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I would rather put my troubles in middle of the filed and never pick them up , let alone thinking of picking up anyone else's instead .

    being realistic [ stop being horrible I tell myself ], am going to put my troubles in middle of that filed next wednesday when I fly away into the sky and over land and sea and pick them up when I get back in 2 week time :D

    brother CPN rings this morning asking me if I organize 2 weeks money in envelope for each day , so he can give it to him daily while I am away , as they have not sorted out LA to have appointship over his money yet , going to take few more weeks :mad: . So ok don't get ****ed of I thought to myself , of I went clothes shopping :D for holiday .

    got so happy that when mum got home , I said I'm going to gibraltar for 2 weeks , '' not to next year she said '':) , No next week I said , No not so soon :( god what have I done why did I tell her :eek: I thought , just to justifier it to myself I thought I ''ll break her in , little by little , she give me the eye , so I ask her what she thinking , she says she wants to come with me , I said I would love that , but your to scared of airplane , then she finish naping in chair . hope she forgot about it
     
  9. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    everyones troubles ARE worse than mine. I honestly wouldnt change places with anyone, and I often feel guilty even being a member here as my mother is in a nursing home and apart from a weekly visit and managing her finanaces I have a pretty, no make that very, easy ride.
    I have huge admiration for everyone here especially those who care at home . I couldnt in a million years do it. I have a dozen reasons not to, like kids and job etc, but i know deep down if I didnt have those reasons I STILL wouldnt be doing it!!
     
  10. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Dear Sylvia,

    I know exactly how you feel. I get very tired, cross with myself at not organising myself better and so anxious about my capabilities as a carer - cooking, toileting, washing, ironing, finances and so on and on. You must know it all so well.

    Then I read TP before I go to bed and feel, God, I am lucky not to.................

    Then I put Dee to bed with a kiss and a cuddle and know how truly lucky I am.

    Hopefully you feel the same, there is only so much we can do but if we were asked to do more, we would find the strength to do it.

    I have benefited from your advice, now feel the love of others. There's a lot coming your way.


    With love
     
  11. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    There is a saying

    I think we find the strength to carry on to meet the demands made of us by our respective care’ees (if that’s a word) as and when it is required.
    I too read others postings and think “I don’t know how they manage”
    But I have found in my case that for every deterioration there is a compensating easing of some description.
    For instance when Margaret was mobile she would wander and get lost, (once lost her for 5hr in York) and that can be terrifying, but now she is immobile she can’t wander, and though the work load may have increased the mental strain is much less.
    When she started being incontinent it was in the beginning, irregular with no indication when or where it might happen, she was still enough compos mentis to refuse to wear pads and in consequence I had no end of washing and cleaning up to do. Now she wears pads all the time and very rarely do we have accidents.
    Then she forgot how to swallow her food and had to have solid food pureed, which take a little longer to prepare, but she eats it so much faster that meals only take about a third of the time taken previously.
    So for every down there is an up if you look for it, at least that is the thought that keeps me going.

    Cheers Frank
     
  12. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    That's good thinking. Yes David's poor mobility stops me worrying about what he would otherwise get up (trying to mend broken electrical wiring for example some 3yrs ago). It means he does not want to tackle 'difficult' jobs and happy for me to take over; he would never have done that in the past.

    Thanks for the thought Beckyjan
     
  13. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    I agree with Margarita. Couldn't we all just leave all our troubles in that field and let someone else pick them up? Say, erm , Gordon Brown? Then we could all fly off en masse to Gibraltar with Margarita. ( Is that OK by you, Maggie? How big's the plane?) :D
     
  14. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Frank

    I so admire your attitude and admire the way you have cared for Margaret.

    If only I could have been like you and indeed so many carers here on TP.

    I tried, but found I wasn't coping as well as I had hoped.

    Take care of yourself

    Alfjess
     
  15. MillyP

    MillyP Registered User

    Jan 5, 2007
    108
    London
    I would just like to know what people did in the days before the internet....suffered in silence I suppose.....thank heavens for the internet..hip hip hooray!!!:)
     
  16. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Yes, with all the things that are not good about the Internet, still we are able to reach out to each other.

    Imagine how horrible it had to be 50 or 100 years ago, not to mention the fact that what was perceived as "mental" illness was deeply shaming and to be hidden at all costs. What happened to both the poor AD sufferers and their carers then?
     
  17. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    My poor Mum had my Dad with Vasc.D for 15 yrs. (he died 30 yrs ago). She only had ME, a District Nurse in the latter stages and 1 very good friend. She was a gem and now I understand her more now because I am handling it as well.

    In spite of all the difficulties I do realise how lucky I am.

    Beckyjan
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    Oh please don`t think like that. You must know it`s so different caring for parents, as you have other family to consider, and to have both parents to care for at the same time is too much for anyone.

    Now you are rested, knowing your parents are safe and being cared for 24/7, it`s so easy to think `Could I have gone that extra mile?` But think back to your state of health then, not now, and know you could not have done more.

    Love xx
     
  19. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    I wish in the early days I had had all of you here to "talk" to..as Mum's problems became more pronounced. I was exhausted and grieving.

    As mentioned the problems change. I am lucky that Mum is for the most part settled (although she does sundown at times!), I am relaxed about it. I have accepted what is..though it was a massive struggle and I have a sibling that hasn't accepted, has had a nervous breakdown and cannot see the joy in what is!

    I think though that everyone has troubles and that all of us would sooner leave them in the middle of the field but because they are ours we would always find them easier..becuase they are familiar and I would agree with Frank, every cloud does have a silver lining..it's just at times it can be hard to see until you get through the mist!

    Mameeskye
     
  20. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    i think what is great about this site is what ever problem one is haveing with a loved one someone on hear will be able to answer them. No we are not doctors we are just normal human beings that all share the same heartach. Iam glad i found this sight i lost my mum aged 62 last year in march and still i log on here and hope i can help outhers take care all

    kathyx
     

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