It was four weeks ago today when Mum went into the CH. How have we all got on?
There have been some ups and downs, which is natural. Mostly she looks clean and smart, she not only has had showers but also a bath, which surprised and pleased me. On occasions she refuses help and reverts to her 2/3 pairs of trousers, no bra and shoes not done up. Quite often with no hearing aids in. On these days, the carers tell me that she can be quite forceful in letting them know verbally that she doesn’t want help and they don’t want to make the situation worse by making her. The jury is still out with me on this approach - just go back after an hour and she will be more compliant, in my experience. If she is like that on days that I visit, I get her sorted out, just like the old days and it makes me wonder why we are paying £1200 per week when obviously I can look after her better - but of course that is not the case. She did a huge amount of wandering the corridors at first, so much so that they have put a pressure mat by her bed so that they can be alerted when she is doing that during the night. Just recently, she seems to be sleeping a bit better but it can be variable. Nighttime wandering is certainly something I don’t miss.
She mostly seems to be mixing and getting involved in activities especially any those that involve music. When we visit she is often talking to other residents but she tells us she has no idea who any of them are, so I don’t think she remembers them, it must be like speaking to someone for the first time every time. We have been told, however, that at night, Mum and another resident, go round and into everyone’s room to make sure they are okay to go to bed. One of the assistant care managers told me that she thought of them as her little helpers when she was on nights. I’m not quite sure to make of this behaviour but am erring on the side of it being positive. It doesn’t stop her asking me if I “know her/him” if they wave or speak to us during a visit though.
I was worried at the outset about people going into Mum’s room and taking her things, but I have found other people’s belongings in her room and once she was even wearing someone else’s shoes - apparently she had just bought them, weren’t they nice? They were exchanged and returned much to her chagrin, but, as I told her, they were much too nice for everyday wear!
She doesn’t ask to go home much but she does talk about going for a walk to see her Mum. She asks us where we live and I’ve tried to avoid saying the name of our village but once it slipped out and she didn’t respond negatively. I think she thinks the “hotel” is actually in the village. She may not ask to go home but she pleads with us to stay, or go back in the evening, which is quite difficult to deal with. She eats well and seems resigned to being there, so all-in-all, for four weeks, it could have been a lot worse.
Mum’s old companion and I still find the whole thing difficult, both of us dread going to see Mum in that environment but equally find it difficult to leave her there. The feelings of guilt and regret are beginning to abate but not sure if they’ll go entirely. I still have times when I want to bring her home but then we would have been through all of this for nothing - not that I could go back to being full time carer again.
She hasn’t been away from the CH in those four weeks apart from a quick trip to the audiologist. The senior carers are saying she needs some variety and are encouraging us to have her at my brother’s for Christmas lunch, so we are going to try that. That’s a week today - another Wednesday of stress but, I hope, of opportunity and memories as well.