Reading all the replies to this thread, I would like to, if I may,. share our families experience so far., and ask for anyone to please give me their honest point of view. I see many familiar things written here.
Despite having regular visits from a mental health nurse and on occasions a psychiatrist, Dad's and anxiety seemed to get worse. Over a period of 18months, medications were prescribed, then increased, then changed, finally he was given lithium. Still with no improvements.
Everyone was baffled.
He'd months previously taken to his bed, saying he was tired, but on checking him frequently, he would be laid staring at the ceiling ~ thinking ~ he would rarely get up, but when he did he'd just lay on the sofa staring at the tv.
Conversation was almost impossible as he'd become vacant looking, disinterested, and often just get up and walk off leaving whoever, talking to themselves.
He gave up driving saying he couldn't concentrate (mum reckoned he was just saying that as he couldn't be bothered to go to the supermarket. She doesn't drive.)
I noticed he wasn't bathing on a regular basis, or changing his clothing, underwear etc his nails were dirty, his clothes bobbled and creased. Dad had been the kind of man to be up early wash, shave and dress, always a shirt, tie and jumper, (quite vain if I'm to be honest) ~ he now looked bedraggled. Mum was so upset, for any suggestions she would make regarding his appearance would be met with an angry reply.
The love of his life has always been his garden. Owning the bungalow from new it had taken a lifetime of hardwork to get it looking as he wanted it. It's a very large area and needed attention in small doses, daily. He refused to go into his garden ~ shrubs grew, roses died, grass (usually mowed with stripes
) became overgrown and yellow, he had no interest at all in it.
It has taken me 2 years of back breaking work to get it back to how it was, thinking this would ease the worry over maintaining it himself...has it? errr noooo
He began obsessing over things, eg; the new central heating boiler, convinced it wasn't worth the money he'd paid, that the engineer was a 'cowboy' (so hurtful to the young man as he returned 3 or more times to explain the workings to dad who literally couldn't comprehend any of what was being said, but argued the toss anyway!!) and strangely enough it was the engineer's reaction to Dad that brought it home to me that there was something very 'wrong'....he spoke 'over' dad, to me, as if he was aware that dad had a problem understanding. That sounds a stupid way of putting it, but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. ..the way he looked at dad, the way he spoke to him, slowly,carefully, as if dad's illness was so obvious, it shocked me if I'm honest.
He constantly faffed about with the thermostat and drove everyone to distraction with his never ending obsession.
He became confused with the tv remote, no longer being able to 'work it out'.
He moved on from the central heating to his financial affairs, and to this day is obsessed with the subject. 100% convinced we are all in dire straits and we'll lose the house and end up on the street. There is no reasoning with him.
He has always had an unhealthy interest/obsession with death for as long as I can recall (I'm 51) but he began to lay down with his arms crossed over his chest,stating he was dying, would say goodbye in a tone that would suggest a sincere 'goodbye', then ignore us totally for hours on end...it was at this stage I called in an ambulance, dad was admitted to a mental health hospital~that was 4 weeks ago~ he has refused certain meds, his appetite is virtually non existant, he's lost a further 10lbs since being admitted, the staff have a battle with him daily to get him out of bed,washed,and dressed.
He became paranoid~ he said staff members were going to kill him,his room was bugged,his food was poisened, they were medicating him behind his back to sedate him,everyone there was 'in' on the 'plot', He fought sleep at night so he could keep a vigil on the 'goings on' in the hospital......
He has become 'impatient', frustrated, withdrawn~choosing not to socialize with the other patients as he feels he 'frightens' them by his appearance. He's lost quite a lot of weight and is convinced he has also lost height and is shrinking nightly due to his 'nerves'~ he's been on risperidone~ is now on Olanzapine.
we were advised to stop reassuring him that all was ok because all that did was infuriate him, set him off in an agitated state (he's even raised his hand to both mum and I) and he wouldn't believe anything we said anyway...so that's what we've done, stopped the reassurance...so now he won't talk to us
I could go on and on and on with examples of changes in his behaviour......we haven't been given a diagnosis proper. severe depression with paranoia AND early stage dementia have been mentioned. Ct head scan showed 'minimal' changes in the size of the brain.......
The medical staff are fabulous. The hospital is small, cosy and very friendly. It's spotlessly clean and we couldn't wish for dad to be in better hands~but crikey it is such a massive learning curve for mum and I, especially as we haven't been actually 'told' he has dementia, we do what we can (which often turns out to be the exact opposite of what we should be doing and saying lol), I read many of the threads on this wonderful site and I'm sure you'll agree that dad does display signs of dementia, it is so difficult to know what step to take next. I've read on here that a diagnosis can often be a long time in coming, how on earth does anyone 'manage' in the meantime,ie; do you think I'm wrong in 'presuming' dad has dementia? am I barking up the wrong tree? I feel like I'm going round in circles and repeating myself in every thread I write or reply too, I am so sorry if I'm out of order in this way, but I guess in looking for help,I'm actually looking for answers and I'm aware these can only really come from the hospital, but I so appreciate any kind of advice you give.
Heartfelt thanks in advance xxxxxx