The Leisure Seeker-An American Novel and Movie

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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Oh dear...an hour later...and now I must put it down and shower and get out!
@Amethyst59 you made my day! So glad you are enjoying it! If you have any questions about our American way, I can answer them! They make references to many of our famous songs and people. Having it on my ipad, it is always with me and I can sneak peaks at it anytime I'm down. After everyone's got it, we can talk about our favorite parts!
 

Amethyst59

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Jul 3, 2017
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Kent
I’ve just finished it. I had about twenty minutes left of it after this morning, and have only just had the freedom to read it.
It was BEAUTIFUL. It’s one to re read, and one that will stay with me. I’m so grateful that you’ve told us all about it. I would love to discuss it with everyone, once they’re done.
 

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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I’ve just finished it. I had about twenty minutes left of it after this morning, and have only just had the freedom to read it.
It was BEAUTIFUL. It’s one to re read, and one that will stay with me. I’m so grateful that you’ve told us all about it. I would love to discuss it with everyone, once they’re done.
Yay! This is going to be fun. I hope to see the movie soon. It won't be as good as the book. Even the road trip was in different directions, beginning and ending in different towns. I still have to see it since I loved the book and I just want to relive it!
 

Amethyst59

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Jul 3, 2017
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Kent
Yes, I was awake in the night and watched the trailer. I will see it too, but I don’t think it’s going to be as good as the book.
 

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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I will say that my husband doesn't have the same type of dementia as John. OH cannot drive and doesn't forget simple things. He knows where home is. I'm in a support group and those women share similarities to John. I think that's why the book was so important to me. I know that there's more to come that will be even more unbearable.
 

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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Last month, my two sons and their families were kicking around the idea of an RV trip. We could find a lot of reasons to travel to visit my brother, DIL's family, mountains, sight-seeing, and just to get away. It was to be an adventure. I am so ready for an adventure, tears have come to my eyes while I type. I hate the adventure going on in my home. Of course, we were doing the RV because OH would not do well on a plane or 10 hours in a car. And, we wanted him to have something to look forward to. All that changed when he had an incontinence accident and he loudly proclaimed I'm not going on that trip. There would be a 4, 3, and 1 year old with us. I think an RV, with it's small quarters would be much more manageable than our house.
OH also has lost his boundaries on cursing (I wish I knew for sure if that was a mental thing or just him being him thing. I'm pretty sure it's him) When I ask him to refrain, he says, that's why I'm not going on that trip. He has no patience and is so angry that he chooses to curse. He was a curser before the diagnosis but now I hear it ferociously! It wears on me. Dropping the TV remote brings out a spew of profanities. Again, I'm sure he does it only with me. We haven't reached the level of not being able to go out in public.
Anyway, the scene being an RV trip was one of my reasons for totally enjoying this book. I have never done that camping excursion. The author described the experience so well, I felt like I was there.
I grieve because I hide this book/movie/story from him. I do love having y'all to share it with. If he were well, we would probably go see the movie together.
We didn't go on the trip. I haven't given up on the idea, and my boys are still on board. OH can choose to come or stay with his daughters. I will have an adventure soon.
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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New South Wales Australia
I think I could see the movie with my H without him imagining he had The problem
I recently saw a movie in our town ( 1 Small theatre - 2 movies a month) ..”stepping out” I think it was called - in the story, a man was saying goodbye to his wife in a care home who had D. I was contious that my friends were worried for me !! No one mentioned the scene !! o_O
 

Amethyst59

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Jul 3, 2017
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Kent
I think I could see the movie with my H without him imagining he had The problem
I recently saw a movie in our town ( 1 Small theatre - 2 movies a month) ..”stepping out” I think it was called - in the story, a man was saying goodbye to his wife in a care home who had D. I was contious that my friends were worried for me !! No one mentioned the scene !! o_O
I was widowed in November of 2008 and that Christmas, just a few weeks later I was bought two books, two different people, both novels about being widowed!! It does make you wonder what people are thinking!
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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New South Wales Australia
I was widowed in November of 2008 and that Christmas, just a few weeks later I was bought two books, two different people, both novels about being widowed!! It does make you wonder what people are thinking!

I hope they were very funny books and not murder and mayhem !!
The other thing some people do - is when you mention “illness” they outdo you !
If I mention my husband’s D to one friend she immediately describes the “much worse “ symptoms of her mum.
Never makes me feel better though !
 

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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@Mudgee Joy I can't wait to hear what you think of it! I talked about it at my support group yesterday and of the other 3 women, one had read it. She enjoyed it thoroughly. Someone did say they didn't think the movie had hit our town yet. Maybe it will be here this weekend. I need a good escape!
 

Amethyst59

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Jul 3, 2017
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Kent
I hope they were very funny books and not murder and mayhem !!
The other thing some people do - is when you mention “illness” they outdo you !
If I mention my husband’s D to one friend she immediately describes the “much worse “ symptoms of her mum.
Never makes me feel better though !
Oh! We had a friend like that! She used to tell some awful story to make you feel ‘better’ about your situation. Years ago, my (then) husband was in hospital for months following a bad road accident, and she came in and told Mum and I a story about someone dying and visiting Disneyland just before the end came. She left...Mum and I looked at each other...and I’m sorry to say we both burst out laughing!
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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New South Wales Australia
Ok - I am reading - hopefully - over the sound of the football !! My H cannot drive now, but I’m glad he gave up driving as it was scary and that was before I even knew there was a problem !
I haven’t been to the US but have of course heard of Route 66 !! There was a tv series I think - “Route 66”... ;) :cool: cool man -?not enough emojis!!
 

Ann Mac

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Oct 17, 2013
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@imsoblue - I spotted this thread on Thursday, though I didn't have the time to reply, and on Friday morning, after finishing the book I had been reading, I remembered this and I bought a copy for my kindle. I finished reading it last night!

What a beautiful story, well written and so real. I loved how fiesty and 'human' the wife is - and recognised so many of her emotions when dealing with her husbands behaviour, even though in my case, I was carer to my Mum in law, not a spouse. The account doesn't gloss over or sugar coat the problems, it faces them head on and I love that she made no apology for her reactions at difficult times. She just described it like it is. Too many books I've read that deal with dementia, whether they are autobiographical or fictional, the carer beats themselves up for their (very human) reactions and responses to situations. I do get that - I've beaten myself up often enough to understand it - but oh, how refreshing to just have someone (even a fictional someone) relate that sort of experience and just tell it, without apology, without a rider saying how guilty they feel and how they shouldn't have done or said this or that. It sort of brings home that her reactions, whilst maybe not conforming to 'compassionate communication' or to the 'correct' way of dealing with the issues, are actually perfectly normal, and understandable and just how most of us react, at least some of the time. And at the same time, as the book went on, there was no doubting her love for him, or the fact that although there were times that she maybe didn't react the way all the info tells us we should, she cared for him in the best possible way she could. Her determination and strength are so evident, even whilst she isn't perfect and doesn't claim to be.

I guess it was a romance - not a sloppy, unrealistic, all hearts and flowers type story - but a romance nevertheless. Not a genre that I tend to read usually, but I'm glad I read this one. And I think the ending is exactly how she see's it - it is a happy ending.

Thanks so much for posting and putting me on to this book - In my head, dementia didn't win in this story and I so enjoyed reading it xxx
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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New South Wales Australia
Loving the book !!!
Lots of little moments are really relevant !

Sorry for diverting - but My personal funny story for the week ! On the base of our tv screen -headlines are written - my OH gets them completely confused with what is on the pictures above - so I covered the base of the screen with black tape - he didn’t notice and tv was a bit more sensible - then last night football was on - but no scores - they were under the black tape!!! My OH just couldn’t understand why there was no score - I diverted his attention and ripped off the tape ! All good -
Put the tape back today :cool:
 

Mudgee Joy

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Dec 26, 2017
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New South Wales Australia
I’ve read a 100 page:) so far - how is everyone else doing - I thought there would be more feedback - the trip seems fairly horrendous really - all roads !!

But I guess that’s what it’s like - I think the wife could be kinder to John - but then I loose it with my husband too - the other day I took home for a little cycle but the access to the bike path was blocked temporarily- so we had to cross the highway - ... he was so slow that I found myself yelling -.. “can’t you go faster” - mind you the drivers were patient - slowing almost to a stop while this 87 year old man on a folding bike crept slowly across the lanes - phew !!
We made it.
How you’all Going :D
 

imsoblue

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Feb 19, 2018
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Hey MJ! Yes she is mean and he appears not to be bothered by it. Did y'all ever watch On Golden Pond years ago? Katherine Hepburn, Henry Fonda, and Jane Fonda were the stars. He was beginning to show signs of dementia and Hepburn as his wife was so cute with her picking on him. I'm trying to imagine that John's wife is cute too. The movie has not hit my town yet and I'm dying to see how their bickering is portrayed on the screen. Do all movies show a PWD as being docile? I'll have to set that record straight! Mine is anything but!
What made the trip believable to me was that they had done this for years. This was how they vacationed, in an RV, driving from one campsite to the next. That to me is a nod to the effect that doing something repetitive isn't as stressful. If she'd decided to put him on a plane to a foreign land she would have had more difficulties. And she had plenty just doing something familiar. She was really alone on this trip.