The invisibles
- Thread starter copsham
- Start date
Please could people stop having a go at Vesnina for expressing her feelings in less than perfect English.
I think I understand what she is saying, and other people have shared similar views on TP many times.
If you will allow me to paraphrase your post Vesnina (and apologies if I get it wrong) you say that we should not be concerned with the opinions or actions of the invisibles because we are not responsible for what they do, only for what we do ourselves. "I believe it is us we do what we do, not them, anyone at all."
You also say that we choose to help other people because of our personal moral values and wish to do good in the world. "Of course, we do our bests maybe for the benefit of someone, but it is our taste, our views, our decision, our way of things... how world should be arranged... we make it to be better.. in our opinions... " This is a very subtle point, that every single individual has a unique perspective on what 'doing the right thing' means. We can only be responsible for doing the right thing in our own life, not deciding what someone else should be doing.
And Vesnina followed this up by explaining: "I am happy I can do something for her, even when she does not recognize it." By implication, some other people might make the choice not to remain involved with their relative when the 2-way relationship fades away, and therefore may choose to become 'invisibles'.
I think I understand what she is saying, and other people have shared similar views on TP many times.
If you will allow me to paraphrase your post Vesnina (and apologies if I get it wrong) you say that we should not be concerned with the opinions or actions of the invisibles because we are not responsible for what they do, only for what we do ourselves. "I believe it is us we do what we do, not them, anyone at all."
You also say that we choose to help other people because of our personal moral values and wish to do good in the world. "Of course, we do our bests maybe for the benefit of someone, but it is our taste, our views, our decision, our way of things... how world should be arranged... we make it to be better.. in our opinions... " This is a very subtle point, that every single individual has a unique perspective on what 'doing the right thing' means. We can only be responsible for doing the right thing in our own life, not deciding what someone else should be doing.
And Vesnina followed this up by explaining: "I am happy I can do something for her, even when she does not recognize it." By implication, some other people might make the choice not to remain involved with their relative when the 2-way relationship fades away, and therefore may choose to become 'invisibles'.
Yes, many thanks, dear Katrine, many thanks for helping in various ways.
As a matter of fact, I unfortunately lost some words while editing the sentence,
maybe I was tired, and did not notice later on that the key word might be missing.
Today we had someone to stay with my mother while I am at work,
and this makes me so happy, I cannot clear my eyes from tears.
As a matter of fact, I unfortunately lost some words while editing the sentence,
maybe I was tired, and did not notice later on that the key word might be missing.
Today we had someone to stay with my mother while I am at work,
and this makes me so happy, I cannot clear my eyes from tears.
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Dear Vesnina
You sound like such a loving and lovely daughter doing the very best for your mother in what I am sure are sad and difficult circumstances. I'm glad you were able to have someone care for her while you were at work and hope this support is available to you again.
Px
You sound like such a loving and lovely daughter doing the very best for your mother in what I am sure are sad and difficult circumstances. I'm glad you were able to have someone care for her while you were at work and hope this support is available to you again.
Px
Dear Pheath,
Many thanks for these warm words. They mean a lot to me.
One of the sad points in my mother's life - or any older person, maybe - is loosing the dear ones.
Her husband, her dearest friends, all went one by one. Her school friends, dear colleagues from work, new friends - as she was always socializing a lot.
Some rare friends who still live - after recognizing that mother can be lost in time sometimes - stopped calling.
Even my friendships, after I stopped going out in the evenings or having "coffees" on Saturdays, somehow dissolved one by one. Maybe this is my fault.
Maybe this will change if I have someone here now.
This new person is here again, I just gave them breakfast, it seems they are chatting nicely.
We are the same age, we read the same books in young years, I hope this could work.
I hope.
I could cast of my boat...
Many many thanks for all the support here.
I was not aware I needed all this support,
but I am so deeply moved...
Very best wishes
And I am grateful to all who tolerate my far less than perfect or sometimes no English at all.
Many thanks for these warm words. They mean a lot to me.
One of the sad points in my mother's life - or any older person, maybe - is loosing the dear ones.
Her husband, her dearest friends, all went one by one. Her school friends, dear colleagues from work, new friends - as she was always socializing a lot.
Some rare friends who still live - after recognizing that mother can be lost in time sometimes - stopped calling.
Even my friendships, after I stopped going out in the evenings or having "coffees" on Saturdays, somehow dissolved one by one. Maybe this is my fault.
Maybe this will change if I have someone here now.
This new person is here again, I just gave them breakfast, it seems they are chatting nicely.
We are the same age, we read the same books in young years, I hope this could work.
I hope.
I could cast of my boat...
Many many thanks for all the support here.
I was not aware I needed all this support,
but I am so deeply moved...
Very best wishes
And I am grateful to all who tolerate my far less than perfect or sometimes no English at all.I was not having a go - just my perception (rightly or wrongly) of her response to me which came across as patronising.
I apologize. This was not my intention. I would never like to put myself above anyone else. I apologize.
I wished to offer a bit of support - as a strange woman may. To give a new approach, another idea... I am sorry I was not good.
You have my very best wishes, dear Swmbo
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Dear Vesnina
Please continue to use the site to reach out to others for support and advice. Even better you can start a new post of your own and am sure will find others who are in a similar position to yourself and will understand.
Being a carer is incredibly isolating as your freedom often becomes limited and the few hours you might get off sometimes all you want to do is rest and recover! My dad is now sadly in a care home but before this I spent several years caring for him at home and had very little life outside being a carer, everything suffered – friendships/ job etc. Things are a bit easier now that I have more time to myself although we still visit him often and it can be very upsetting.
I’m really glad you’ve found some new companionship and extra help for your mother. You can still be there for her but share the load with someone else, it becomes too hard in the end to do all on your own.
Look after yourself and warm wishes
Px
Please continue to use the site to reach out to others for support and advice. Even better you can start a new post of your own and am sure will find others who are in a similar position to yourself and will understand.
Being a carer is incredibly isolating as your freedom often becomes limited and the few hours you might get off sometimes all you want to do is rest and recover! My dad is now sadly in a care home but before this I spent several years caring for him at home and had very little life outside being a carer, everything suffered – friendships/ job etc. Things are a bit easier now that I have more time to myself although we still visit him often and it can be very upsetting.
I’m really glad you’ve found some new companionship and extra help for your mother. You can still be there for her but share the load with someone else, it becomes too hard in the end to do all on your own.
Look after yourself and warm wishes
Px
Vasnina no need to apologise. The written word can often be misconstrued.
Support is here for us all so lets put this behind us and continue from here.
Best wishes
Support is here for us all so lets put this behind us and continue from here.
Best wishes
