Yes I think there is a lot of guilt at play here
And yes I think it would be better this time but maybe I am deluding myself
If Im honest, this worries me.
Your husband is getting CHC and, even if this is later removed, it shows that there are additional challenges over and above "normal" dementia. You did not say why he became eligible for CHC, but the usual reasons are an additional health need (like cancer), unpredictable and extreme aggression/violence, a very high risk of falls, or because they are at end of life. The bar for receiving CHC is very high and it is difficult to get.
Many people with dementia seem to improve enormously once they move to a care home and their needs are being met, but they only seem better
because they are where they are. My mum was never eligible for CHC, but became totally paranoid while she was living at home, not eating, living in squalor and thinking that I was doing terrible things to her. But this was born of fear and anxiety because her needs were not being met. Once she moved to a care home where her needs were being met her paranoia disappeared and her old personality returned. It would have been very easy to think that she had improved so much that she would have been able to live at home again. I knew that she wouldnt, though. She needed 24/7 care by a whole team of people working in shifts around the clock and she couldnt be left alone even for a minute. Without this she would have very quickly gone back to square one.
If you want to bring him back you will have to take off rosy glasses and find out exactly what his needs are behind the scenes. Then find out exactly what help you will be offered. Even with CHC, in many places you would only be offered 4 carer visits a day and nothing overnight. Find out if there is anything else, like befrienders, that you can access. You will have to be realistic about what you can do and will need some form of respite built in.
And dont listen to the guilt monster