Thank you Noorza. That's very kind of you. I mostly post the positive mixed with requests for advice on Bill's thread. The negative exists too but I don't post about that so much. Not sure why. x
T o diagnose or not
- Thread starter bemused1
- Start date
Thank you Noorza. That's very kind of you. I mostly post the positive mixed with requests for advice on Bill's thread. The negative exists too but I don't post about that so much. Not sure why. x
I think you're too busy Izzy, keeping us entertained, as well as Bill - I bet he doesn't realise he's a film star on TP does he?
Ha! I somehow him from time to time but he's not impressed!! Wait until we take him to Lanzarote next month!!
Well, now I've got a bit of hindsight, if I knew the horrors that would have come, I would do as I originally intended before looking for help and go it alone! Thing is, it's not the same in every area of the country. If you live in a place where services are readily available, you'll get on better. I've seen people who come here with various stories of how help eventually came, and I'm immediately glad for them.
If you live in an area like mine, where even my own problems were never taken seriously (spinal condition), you're likely better off looking after yourself if you can. With my own condition, it set off an illness which was again never investigated. I got through it and now manage it with supports and a TENS machine. How I love my TENS machine. It's me best mate when the spine is having a flare up I don't bother complaining any more, bemused. That's nothing but a pointless exercise, and folk get fed up with hearing it! Rather, I'm thankful that at least I don't owe anyone anything, and that after the first two years of having the arthritis and being in a wheelchair for most of that time, I can now walk. That's a huge blessing when I consider how I also have to care for someone who has it far worse than I do. I have everything to be grateful for. I know I grump here sometimes (forgive me), and I hope I've answered correctly!
I do know that if I have a query, there are a lot of folk here who can answer it, and you are all awesome, xx
Hi All
My husband is happy not knowing and refuses point blank to see anyone. He won't even let me take his BP (which we know has been high for years but he refuses any medication for that). While I do respect his wishes and am grateful he is happy, I can't worrying selfishly how I will manage totally on my own, with no access to any financial or social services help. It is 5 years since he had any income at all, and we have been managing with my income and the help of the old credit card. He will be 65 next April so at least then he will get a pension. But how do you ever get "in the system" without a diagnosis?
My husband is happy not knowing and refuses point blank to see anyone. He won't even let me take his BP (which we know has been high for years but he refuses any medication for that). While I do respect his wishes and am grateful he is happy, I can't worrying selfishly how I will manage totally on my own, with no access to any financial or social services help. It is 5 years since he had any income at all, and we have been managing with my income and the help of the old credit card. He will be 65 next April so at least then he will get a pension. But how do you ever get "in the system" without a diagnosis?
You can get in the system by contacting ss and having a carers assessment. My husband is much the same as yours but we do not have money worries. Also talk to age uk or alzheimers society and they will be able to tell you what benefits you are entitled to. You do not have to go it alone because your husband like mine is an ostrich.Look up your local adult social care but personally I would start with Age uk or AS -they tend to be more helpful.good luck and let us know how you get on.
I would not respect his wishes if it meant that income was lowered and my life was harder. With a diagnosis the first steps are medication if appropriate and access to attendance allowance which is not means tested plus a reduction in council tax.
There is advice on carer support, groups which help both of you to stay connected, and possibly day care or respite in the fulness of time. I am surprised that so many resist a diagnosis as it makes no sense to me to bury your head in the sand.
oops so busy reading the posts, I burnt the bacon. he probably won't notice though. Thanks Bemused - I will let you know how I go on but I doubt he will even let anyone in the house. He gets very irate if I even try to talk to him about it. Fingers crossed.
They are used to this situation so ring them and it may be possible to meet elsewhere. I've been through that stage with my husband but now we have carers and attendance allowance to help.Sometimes you have to be devious
Having a diagnosis for my OH-who is in total denial-aided me in applying for and getting PIP. As he has gone back to the 70s financially-and is very controlling with money - having that paid into our joint account which is used for the household bills only(using the PoA)has been a godsend. It means that I can buy food/petrol etc without any rows-he gives me 45.00 a week as 'his share' and tells me I'm robbing him. He has no recall of this being applied for -no awareness of it-so this has got rid of a huge amount of tension and means so I can avoid a lot of conflict; he can get quite aggressive so that is important.At the moment, he still 'runs' his separate account-although has no concept of household bills etc. which I deal with. I also pay the mortgage as he refuses to.
I do keep a record of how it's spent-down to every penny- and I've been open with our GP and CPN who are totally supportive. I will soon be applying for his pension (he's 64) and may well do the same. That will allow me to save up and pay for help/carers at home without having to get him to release money. I know there will come a time when I can take over the running of his finances-but we're in that grey area of him still being aware in some very limited areas and not others, which has meant that I have had to take out loans and get into debt to pay for house repairs etc-worrying as I'm close to retirement. I know I could have challenged him on all of this-but there is no logic and he just gets very agitated - so I have avoided conflict when I can.
So-diagnosis does have it's uses! Sorry to ramble-but it has helped so much.
I do keep a record of how it's spent-down to every penny- and I've been open with our GP and CPN who are totally supportive. I will soon be applying for his pension (he's 64) and may well do the same. That will allow me to save up and pay for help/carers at home without having to get him to release money. I know there will come a time when I can take over the running of his finances-but we're in that grey area of him still being aware in some very limited areas and not others, which has meant that I have had to take out loans and get into debt to pay for house repairs etc-worrying as I'm close to retirement. I know I could have challenged him on all of this-but there is no logic and he just gets very agitated - so I have avoided conflict when I can.
So-diagnosis does have it's uses! Sorry to ramble-but it has helped so much.
You do not need a diagnosis definitively for attendance allowance.My husband has it because with poa I applied for it for him. His was influenced by his mobility problems so its worth a try lily. Have you managed to sort out power of attorney is that too tricky?
Poa
I didn't know that Bemused - I thought a diagnosis would have been necessary for everything. We have discussed POA and he said as I sort out all the money that it is fine - go ahead. His son is coming next Saturday (going to act as replacement attorney) from Shrewsbury and we will fill in all the forms then. Got someone lined up to certify as well so hopefully I won't make a mess of it. I should be able to get help with the cost of registering it as well as only his income is taken in to account.
I didn't know that Bemused - I thought a diagnosis would have been necessary for everything. We have discussed POA and he said as I sort out all the money that it is fine - go ahead. His son is coming next Saturday (going to act as replacement attorney) from Shrewsbury and we will fill in all the forms then. Got someone lined up to certify as well so hopefully I won't make a mess of it. I should be able to get help with the cost of registering it as well as only his income is taken in to account.
Hi.
Sorry if I missed your response, but have you applied for the Council Tax reduction? I telephoned the Town Hall, and received a very simple form. John's GP signed the reverse, and the refund was back-dated. My son still lives with me-he's 22-so I don't think we'd get council tax reduction. Also, I teach full time, so think that would count out attendance allowance?
Attendance Allowance isn't means tested. I got higher rate for my mother and lower rate for my husband while I was still working full time as a headteacher. My mum passed away but my husband is now on higher rate. It really is worth going for that.
It is based on the level of need the person has.
It is based on the level of need the person has.
