Surrey / SW London Area


Registered User
Aug 30, 2014
Hello all!

I've been reading really helpful posts for a few months now and felt like joining in with discussions.

Straight to the point... I was wondering whether anyone knew of any good groups or activities a young (55 year old) mum could participate in near Epsom/Banstead/Esher/Wimbledon? She participated in the local church's Wednesday lunch dance class for retirees but has recently begun to really struggle and so we pulled her out.

As a summary Im a 23 year old with 2 sisters - 26 and 32. Mum was diagnosed with alzeimers about 5 years ago and she has been very much deteriorating recently - sometimes aggressive, wanders out of the house onto the street, often angry and upset, finds it difficult to contribute to conversations and is becoming slightly incontenant. Dads been amazing - although a very organised, forward panning, bullet-point lover and hard working man, he's adapted well. He's even set up a social group for early-on set alzeimers from St George's hospital to do a social event on mass once a month (like theatre trip) and drink at a pub with just the careers once a month. But as I said mums situation has deteriorated recently and dad is struggling emotionally and with a full time job and only being able to afford 4 hours of care per working day (and he's out 8 hours a day). Saying that, Dad is considering working from home on Wednesdays and myself on Fridays as a start.

Biggest concerns are:
Hygiene - she wants to wear the same dress and underwear every day and even though dad now showers with her, it's a fighting battle every morning.
Her mood - sitting at home alone bored in front of the tele wouldn't do anyone any good...
How its affecting my dad - he's struggling between enjoying his work (which also acts as respite) and being with mum

This forum is brilliant and has provided me with lots of sound ideas to implement around the home. A couple of more points I'd like to add is we bought mum a GPS watch so can track her when she goes for a wander in the local town and have sewn her mobile and bank card into her handbag so she maintains ownership other belongings but we can call and locate the mobile if she looses it :)

I'm looking for advise for my mum but also my dad for a bit of respite. They are music lovers and dad in particular keen to meet similar aged (60) carers.

Thanks in advance :)


annie h

Registered User
Jun 1, 2013
hi KL,
I don't have the perfect answer to your question, but if nothing else this will bump you back up to the top!

Before my mum moved out of London to be nearer me (several years ago so now out of date) she was under an excellent Community Mental Health team that covered her part of South London - I think it's further East than where you are, but have you managed to access proper support for her dementia within the NHS, because I have always found that the best people for signposting me towards services and activities suitable for mum have always been the specialist mental health team. Otherwise it's an impossible task deciding which of the numerous day centres and other activities around are suitable, because it's usually hopeless trying to fit in when they are not designed around dementia sufferers, by which I mean both that the activities may not be suitable and that they may not be able to cope with your mum.

The other best source is of course other carers who are further along the road than you. It looks like there are local dementia cafes you could meet people through - try searching on the AS website.

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009

Hygiene - she wants to wear the same dress and underwear every day and even though dad now showers with her, it's a fighting battle every morning.
How about buying a few more identical dresses and undies and see if she'll wear them?
Best wishes


Registered User
Apr 10, 2013
I used to take my dad to the memory lane cafe in Belmont. It was twice a month on Saturday for 4 hours. Lots of music and lovely people. Via sutton alz soc. Great to fill a day at the weekend when there is nothing much on.
He also used to go to a day centre behind Cheam swimming pool- sorry
Can't remember the name. He loved the lunches and could have a bath/haircut which might help you too.
Good luck


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

I suggest you telephone the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society as they should know what is available in your area. You can find them here:

I found our local groups exceptionally helpful. Most were run as 'cafe's' in the form of coffee mornings, pub lunches or just general get togethers. These were for both carers and sufferers and make some good friends there. It would be great if you/your Dad could do the same.

My husband also loved just sitting in front of tv. Endless repeats of Frost, Midsummer Murders etc. I varied these by playing the old favourite musicals, most of which he watched as if it were the first.

Best wishes


Registered User
Aug 30, 2014
Thank you all for your advice!

We do try and switch over her clothes however my Dad often doesn't get round to it during the struggle getting her into the shower every morning, but as I will be around more, I will re-attempt this! Thanks a lot for the encouragement!

Following advice, I have also contacted the Cheam Priory Day Centre and Epsom, Sutton and Banstead Alzheimer's Teams (we awkwardly sit in the middle of the three) and hopefully see a positive response. My dad contacted them years ago but there wasn't a need for the particular services at the time, but definitely feels like there is now!

Thanks again! It feels like a nice relief being proactive about it again and will keep y'all updated :)

Thank you for the support!!