Struggling with dads diagnosis

[Pippin2601]

I am 23 and two months ago my dad whose 58 got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. After finishing my exams at the beginning of the month I have really struggled with my dads diagnosis. This weekend I have spent the majority in bed crying about it. I feel like my heart is literally breaking and I just can't seem to find any positives. My dad is still at home being cared for by me and my mum. She is away this weekend visiting my brother in London. Being on my own with my dad has highlighted how bad he can struggle with dad to say life such as remembering to eat. I know there is people worse off which riddles me with guilt for feeling like this. I feel like I am grieving for the dad I will never have again. It's breaking my heart and I just don't know how to cope and stay positive.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Pippin2601
your post is so full of sadness; you clearly care so much for your dad and mum
so I'm pleased you found the forum to get this off your chest - have a read around and you'll discover so much kindness, sympathy and practical help
your feelings are wholly understandable; finishing exams is usually a time to relax and celebrate and look to the future with hope, and this time is a little different for you - so have a good weep, get that out of your system - no guilt, please - each of us here is travelling along the same road; each at our own pace, with our own challenges and different stops along the way; no better or worse, it's just what it is - the positive is that we can support each other
maybe put some of the research skills from your studying to use in looking out for ways to support your parents, so that your mum doesn't need to take that on as well as be the main day to day carer for your father eg organise the legal side, POAs, wills; contact the LA Adult Services for a needs assessment for your dad and a carer's assessment for your mum; find the local support available eg dementia cafes, day care centres .... - that will give you a positive role in your dad's welfare
care for your dad, look out for your mum, and look after yourself - you will all cope together
best wishes

 

[Liyar6]

Hi

Hi,
I know how you feel. I'm 21 and my dad got diagnosed last year and he's 48. It does get hard but help is out there. You've just got to source it.

Here if you wanna talk x

 

[bblb9]

Hi,
I feel like I can relate to this a lot. I can see a deterioration in my Dad who is 50, but I know other people have it worse so feel guilty for being upset. I'm 18 myself and have a younger sister.
I'm here if you ever need a chat x

 

[Pippin2601]

Thank you

Sorry for the delay in responding. Thank you for all your kind words and advice. I have just found out I failed my exam that I was sitting around the point of my dads diagnosis and now I am starting to wonder whether I should carry on. I just don't know if I can handle everything and to be honest I'm feeling pretty ****ty about it all. Any help is appreciated.

 

[Pickles53]

Sorry for the delay in responding. Thank you for all your kind words and advice. I have just found out I failed my exam that I was sitting around the point of my dads diagnosis and now I am starting to wonder whether I should carry on. I just don't know if I can handle everything and to be honest I'm feeling pretty ****ty about it all. Any help is appreciated.

Talk to your tutors, especially a personal tutor if you have one, or a student counsellor, about the best way to manage your studies. Take a deep breath, failing an exam isn't the end of the world and there is almost always a way to recover lost ground. Is there a way you could continue your studies at a slower pace eg fewer modules at the same time? Problems come along for many students and they should be helping you to find a way through this.

Please don't give up on your future. That is the last thing your Dad would want you to do. It must seem overwhelming at the moment but he would want you to live your life and fulfil your dreams.