Hello, my mum has dementia and is gambling and drinking. She just won $7000 and spent 5000 in the last 3 days. I’m so worried about her. It seems that she doesn’t realise that she is ill, she does not acknowledge she has dementia and her husband just thinks she is lying to him but I think she genuinely doesn’t remember what she’s done. I’m stuck between supporting her to make her own choices but also protecting her because she is vulnerable. I need some perspective- can anyone offer me some guidance please?
Struggling to understand
- Thread starter RainyH50
- Start date
Hi @RainyH50 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your mum. I don't have experience of what you describe but it is usual for people who have dementia to deny or not recognise this. Has she been diagnosed by a doctor? If so, one might expect her husband to at least recognise that her behaviour is driven by disease rather than wilful deceit. But of course he may be in denial or scared of a future of unpredictable behaviour and growing care needs.
I am not sure if this will help you at all but perhaps others members of the Forum may have more experience that you can draw upon.
I am not sure if this will help you at all but perhaps others members of the Forum may have more experience that you can draw upon.
Thank you so very much for your reply.
She was diagnosed last April with ‘Alzheimers-possible alcohol related dementia’. I feel like I need other people’s views to help me work out what to do for the best. It’s so complicated.
They live in Australia and I don’t know whether I should try to get her back to the UK or if that would be too distressing for her. He is unwell and she is out late at the ‘pokies’, gambling until she has no money left- which can be 10 hours at a time.
She was diagnosed last April with ‘Alzheimers-possible alcohol related dementia’. I feel like I need other people’s views to help me work out what to do for the best. It’s so complicated.
They live in Australia and I don’t know whether I should try to get her back to the UK or if that would be too distressing for her. He is unwell and she is out late at the ‘pokies’, gambling until she has no money left- which can be 10 hours at a time.
Hello, it all sounds incredibly complicated and stressful for you and I can see it's hard to know what to do for the best not least from the other side of the world. I would try and break it down into the current problems that need solving and future considerations. I see there are several parts to this, her diagnosis, the current gambling, her husbands ill health and what the future looks like. Has your mum been diagnosed but just left to her own devices to get on with it ? Does your mum have a gambling history... If she does, are these amounts normal or have they increased? If they have increased it sounds like she needs some help with setting reasonable gambling limits / help with managing finances. In terms of grappling with bringing her to the UK, why are you thinking of that and what does her husband think about that ? Is there anyone else in your family involved in trying to sort this out or is it all falling to you?
www.dss.gov.au. This is an Australian government website that or may not have some information about problem gambling and they could be different in each state.
www.myagedcare.gov.au is another website that might have information for you but it might be a bit of a trawl.
www.dementia.org.au is our Australian based organisation and I am sure you should be able to contact them via email but have lots of info too.
I am curious as to how you know about these amounts of money that your mum says she has won and lost. How can she remember these amounts if she can’t remember what she’s done.?
I feel sure that someone on one of those websites will be able to point you in the direction of getting some emergency help and if you get to speak to anybody stress the emergency bit. If you are contemplating returning your mum to UK, would you be bringing her husband too?
Just one thought that even though our universal health care system here in Australia is in a mess, I think NHS is in a bigger one.
www.myagedcare.gov.au is another website that might have information for you but it might be a bit of a trawl.
www.dementia.org.au is our Australian based organisation and I am sure you should be able to contact them via email but have lots of info too.
I am curious as to how you know about these amounts of money that your mum says she has won and lost. How can she remember these amounts if she can’t remember what she’s done.?
I feel sure that someone on one of those websites will be able to point you in the direction of getting some emergency help and if you get to speak to anybody stress the emergency bit. If you are contemplating returning your mum to UK, would you be bringing her husband too?
Just one thought that even though our universal health care system here in Australia is in a mess, I think NHS is in a bigger one.
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