Stressed about sorting mothers house.

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
I am very stressed as my brother wants to come and help clear out the house although I don't believe you can go into another household yet.

MaNaAk
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,387
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
I am very stressed as my brother wants to come and help clear out the house although I don't believe you can go into another household yet.

MaNaAk
That’s how I understand it @MaNaAk . I need some furniture moving but my sons say the are not allowed inside my house only garden and 2 meres apart of course.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou you two. I had trouble sleeping on Wednesday and also I have woken up early worrying about it. I know he is worried about money but even if I was ready to move at the moment probate hasn't gone through and we don't know what the housing market will be like. I can't really do this on my own. I had enough stress as a carer without this. The lockdown enabled me to clear my mind off this for a while but I've lost a lot of income due to not being able to teach all my pupils. I have also missed my pupils because they provide company and you have the pleasure of seeing them develop as musicians. I also miss my friends and today my orchestra should have been performing a concert. My brother has his partner whereas I am here on my own. My other brother would also like everything to be resolved but he seems to be a bit more level headed at the moment. In my eyes you are all godsends here. I will be ringing a few friends later but otherwise I am going to get on with other things besides this.

MaNaAk
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,654
South coast
@MaNaAk - as far as I can see, you cant sell the house at the moment because you dont have any legal authority to do so. POA ended when your dad died and until the probate is complete the ownership of the house is not resolved. Once probate is complete all the co-owners of the house must act together to sell it.

Thats what happened to my MILs house after she died, anyway.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Just had a long conversation with my brother who was quite happy to agree that I could move out a month after probate goes through although he has never bought or sold a house either. The other day I got the impression that he was going to come into the house and pack stuff up
despite lockdown regulations. This morning it seems he was going to just collect stuff from the front room am I being too harsh?

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Just had a good chat with a friend who is going through probate and she is wonderful. She also cared for her sister and at one point she suspected dementia.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
It didn't feel good telling my brother that he can't come into the house yet and he didn't understand but when he asked me how long it would take for me to move out once the house was sold and I said a month he was happy. Today I looking at the whole situation again with regard to re-mortgaging, looking at what I can afford and the housing market and giving myself my own timescale. In other words I am sorting out my head yesterday was rather lonely doing this in lockdown except for my lovely friends here who are probably getting fed up with reading this.

MaNaAk
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,538
Nottinghamshire
I understand your stress @MaNaAk I’d be the same. I don’t think anything’s moving very fast in the housing market at the moment. Once you work out what you can afford and what you’re going to do you’ll feel better. People don’t normally move out until completion - which in my experience will be more than a month after a sale is agreed - so don’t let your brothers dictate to you. While you’re living there you still have some control over what happens in spite of what they may think.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou @Bunpoots,

It is my youngest brother that's doing this with no regard for anyone's health. When I spoke to his partner on the phone I explained that they couldn't come into the house only the garden. Then I needed to explain this to him again (he reminded that I took Easter eggs and cakes for VE day to neighbours and I said I never went into their houses and I kept two metres) and of course I can't move a lot of this stuff on my own so I won't be going anywhere soon at this rate.

This lockdown has forced me to look at the finances again from every angle and once again it looks the invisible thinks he knows best. He did mention about going to the solicitor if he thought I was going to stay without them getting their share but it won't get that far as I can't stand the stress as it is. He mentioned before that it doesn't look like we'll be able to sell but now he's thinking of Xmas and he doesn't want to communicate with our other brother either.

It's strange because as carers we prove our love for the family so I would have thought this would go some way towards proving that they will get their inheritance. I can't pay them any rent because it would take too long from their point of view I have to move or re-mortgage.

MaNaAk
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,538
Nottinghamshire
I have a brother just like yours @MaNaAk - no compassion or regard for others feelings. I got so stressed I started taking St Johns Wort which helped no end but you have to be careful with it if you’re on certain medications. I found out about it on the NHS website.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Thankyou @Bunpoots,

Yes if I take it I will look at how I can use it with other medications as I also take thyroxine. I think invisibles don't like it when they are not in control. My brother is short of money like everyone else but dad's money became available before so he isn't quite as bad as some people.

MaNaAk
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
474
This might seem like a silly question, but what is the point in you moving out a month after probate when it is likely that it will take several months to sell the house? What does your brother hope to gain by having the house empty?

We are having to sort out my mother's house to get it ready to rent out now that she is in a home. My brother and sister have both been round a few times to get things that Mum needs ( it was a sudden move into care after being in hospital) sort out paperwork, empty the fridge and start to empty drawers etc. They make sure they are in separate rooms or remain apart if forced to be in the same area. I know that technically they should not be in the house but we can't just leave it as it was ( blood and faeces all over the bathroom and bedroom!) and as we were allowed to make care visits when mum was at home, they decided to crack on. I've not been round though as we felt that three people together would be difficult and I have some health concerns so am self isolating as much as possible.

We have to make weekly visits to check on the house to meet the insurance conditions anyway. The Property Company are now working again so we need to get some jobs done so tenants can be found. I'm inclined to wait until after lockdown but my sister is very impatient so I'm just letting her get on with it!
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Dear Lynmax,

What a horrible job you are all having to do
and I agree you couldn't leave that house as it is? One month was a guess but then he did say that he will help once he and his partner will be allowed back into this house
and we could to arrangement about leaving items in the garden to be collected.
However things are very slow with the lockdown and our other brother will be interested in the house prices nevermind him wanting to keep items as well. Things can't be rushed in times like this because of what one person wants and I've said it before we carers have an inner strength to be able to put with whatever is thrown at us. In short we are amazing when dad's Alzheimers was mild he said to me "you have probably saved my life".

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,106
Essex
Dear Lynmax,

I should have I think my brother hopes for a quick sale. Our brother started filling in the probate form on Wednesday so assuming it could be finalised by September my youngest brother could be hoping for a quick sale (by Xmas) and once the house is sold he expects me to be ready to move in a month and everything should be done and dusted!

MaNaAk
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
414
South east
I suspect that there will be delays to probate being granted over the next few months because of the excess deaths from the virus and the probate office are likely to have been short staffed.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,654
South coast
When brother starts hassling you shrug and say "I cant do anything until probate is granted". Deflect the blame to someone else. Honestly, he can rage and fume for all hes worth, but he wont get his money any quicker.
 

Nigel_2172

Registered User
Aug 8, 2017
41
Shropshire
I submitted a probate application the weekend before the lockdown kicked in. The probate website was quoting a likelihood of being able to process it within four weeks which I thought was very optimistic. I then had an email saying they would turn it round in eight weeks. Eleven weeks now and no sign of anything. I'm sure the virus will have affected the Probate office just as it has everyone else. I now have an empty property 60 miles away and' like you, the insurance company insist on it being visited weekly.
 

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