Anongirl's post Fed up tonight has got me thinking about how many of us in this forum must be the real squeezed middle -- ailing, frail parents on one side and children on the other. In my case my 14 year old son and I live with my mother who is 82 frail physically and now, since my father's death this spring, really succumbing to whichever form of dementia it is that's robbing her of her faculties.
This New Year I'm taking Ma to the memory clinic and social services should be there. I have put in a formal complaint against their total lack of help and given they've been shamed into actually meeting me I would welcome any advice how I get them to offer concrete and practical support that would make our lives easier. I would very much like to ensure some action follows this meeting rather than it just be an exercise in them murmuring how terrible things are for me.
So what should I say? That I am concerned that when my son and I are out at school and work that she may hurt herself, that I know she doesn't feed herself and it's all a bit hit and miss with medication? That there have been instances of her letting quite unknown people into the house?
Or do I say that I can no longer cope, that I have no siblings or family to come and lend a hand and that if I have a physical or mental collapse the system will end up taking care of all three of us? Or that one day I'll just leave home and disappear?
Or do I say I can't cope with both of them, so take your pick -- teenager or old woman, don't mind which one but you need to give me help with one of them before I go bonkers?
Which approach is most likely to galvanise some action? I'm not expecting miracles but even if they could just tell me how do I get her to eat something other than toast at lunch time and how to ensure she knows what day it is so she doesn't feel obliged to phone me at work to check that would be something.
Frankly any suggestions welcomed
This New Year I'm taking Ma to the memory clinic and social services should be there. I have put in a formal complaint against their total lack of help and given they've been shamed into actually meeting me I would welcome any advice how I get them to offer concrete and practical support that would make our lives easier. I would very much like to ensure some action follows this meeting rather than it just be an exercise in them murmuring how terrible things are for me.
So what should I say? That I am concerned that when my son and I are out at school and work that she may hurt herself, that I know she doesn't feed herself and it's all a bit hit and miss with medication? That there have been instances of her letting quite unknown people into the house?
Or do I say that I can no longer cope, that I have no siblings or family to come and lend a hand and that if I have a physical or mental collapse the system will end up taking care of all three of us? Or that one day I'll just leave home and disappear?
Or do I say I can't cope with both of them, so take your pick -- teenager or old woman, don't mind which one but you need to give me help with one of them before I go bonkers?
Which approach is most likely to galvanise some action? I'm not expecting miracles but even if they could just tell me how do I get her to eat something other than toast at lunch time and how to ensure she knows what day it is so she doesn't feel obliged to phone me at work to check that would be something.
Frankly any suggestions welcomed