Here are the basic facts. My uncle (91), aunt (72) and widowed mother (85) live together in one house in which they all own a share. The house is their only asset of note, they have few savings. Uncle is senile – can remember what he did in the war, but not 20 minutes ago. Is doubly incontinent but refuses to wear appropriate underwear, “Women’s pants” he calls it, and gets stroppy, even threatening, if attempts are made to make him wear it. He occasionally wanders at night, and twice this year emergency services had to be called because of incidents at home involving him (he got stuck in the bath, another time he fell). A carer comes in every morning to wash and dress him. He has no memory of this. Day care was arranged for one day a week, but persuading him to go proved too difficult and stressful for all concerned, so it stopped. He did not remember it upon his return, and the rigmarole of trying to persuade him to go repeated each time. Mother’s health is suffering, and aunt has eyesight and mobility problems. Mother is being driven to despair, aunt to the bottle. GP, the daily carers, and a paramedic (who had specialised in geriatric care) who attended the last call out, all agree uncle should be in a home. There are spaces available but the social services stubbornly refuse to even consider it. They say he does not meet the criteria and their answer to everything is just to send in more carers. Aside from the fact that mother and aunt don’t want an army of strangers trooping through the house, it is not the answer. In their desperation they have even considered moving to Scotland in the hope of availing themselves of free care there (I don’t know if this would work). Now they are thinking of re-mortgaging the house to pay for uncle going into a home. But this would only compromise their own future should they need the funds. Both have been battling social services for months, and are at their wits’ end. I live too far away to be much use. Advice please!