So bizarre !

[niki]

It 's funny and sad at the same time...

My Mum used to love watching the snooker on the telly but she then imagined the men were in her room so refused to go in there! She also insisted that three women came and sat on her sofa chatting, she was most put out and even complained to the warden of the sheltered housing she was in at that time.
I would sometimes visit her and she would have several cups of tea on the table for her 'visitors,' but the saddest thing for me was when she went out and bought ice creams for her visitors and when she returned they'd left. All these people where only in her head. She even phoned me one day and said my daughter was sitting on her lounge floor watching telly, "she's such good company isn't she?" she asked me, and I could only say, yes. (my daughter was at home with me.) It was one of her last phone calls before she forgot how to use the phone.
It was at this stage that we knew something was seriously wrong. When she finally went into a home for awhile she seemed so much better, less anxious and stopped hallucinating. That was over three years ago. Now she's at the awful last stages of her dementia, but I remember those times with humour and sadness - in fact I can imagine my Mum tutting and saying, "silly moo!"

 

[RedLou]

Hi Bizarrites - back from a week in Shropshire and just checking how you all are.
Take care of yourself, Spamar.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

Back to extremely muggy here, after yesterday giving us several downpours and it being a lot fresher - 4a.m. and I was wide awake and too hot to go back to sleep!

Spamar, hope your tummy is on the mend xxxx

I often find myself feeling that something Mil has said (especially some of her confabulations) are really funny, niki, but definitely that sense of sadness is there too. I think sometimes that finding the humour is a way of coping - the old if you don't laugh, you would cry cliche x

Hiya Red - good to hear from you Were you househunting in Shropshire and did you find anything you like?

We had a pretty good evening, up till about 8pm last night - helped by the fact that Mils bag was finally found! Dau went up and had a last check of Mil's bedroom, as the plan was to take her to buy a new bag and purse if a final sweep didn't reveal it. It turned up inside a large gift bag that Mil keeps sitting on the floor, buried under several gifts of toiletries that she had received last Christmas and on her birthday, and which she refuses to use, just wants to keep in that gift bag. Stupidly, assuming I knew what was in the bag, though I'd picked it up and moved it looking for Mil's handbag, I hadn't looked inside it! So there's another hidey hole discovered, at least, and Mil was very relieved to have her precious bag and its contents back.

Mil was very quiet, very relaxed and aside from the odd, very mild bit of confabulation, no issues at all till around 8pm, as I said. Then Mil suddenly asked if she could watch 'her programme' on the TV - well, no one had any problem with that, other than Mil couldn't tell us the name of the programme, what it was about, what channel it was on and when asked 'Are you sure its on today?' replied with 'Its always on on Sundays'. When we told her what day it was, she quickly added 'And Thursdays as well' . She kept insisting that we 'knew' which programme she meant because she always watches it. We went through the listings, reading out the programmes - no, wasn't any of them and nor could we distract her with the offer of anything else that was on. I sympathised, tried suggesting that those silly programmers had perhaps changed the day it was on, or the time. Said I'd buy a TV mag 'tomorrow' so we could go through it, find out what its called and be sure about when it was on so she wouldn't miss it in future, offered to put one of her Mrs Brown DVD's on, suggested a nice cuppa, etc. etc. And Mil just got crosser and crosser - you wouldn't think, she said, that 'people could be so selfish' as to stop her watching the 'only bit of telly' that she watches and enjoys (this after she had hogged the TV with her soaps and game shows since she had got home) and could she not watch even just 5 minutes of the programme, she'll never be able to catch up with the story if she misses it - on and on, getting nastier and nastier. When she grabbed the remote from daughter, shouting that she was going to watch 'her' programme, I said enough - bedtime!

Up she went, I followed, got her into her pull ups in frosty silence and came downstairs. 2 minutes later, could hear her shouting, and OH went up - her bed was wet! Now, I'd checked it that morning when I got her up and it was fine, and I left it with duvet turned down ready for her to get back into at night. I did notice that the duvet had been pulled up when I was helping her into her pull ups, but sometimes Mil does attempt to 'make the bed' so I didn't give it a second thought - the only explanation I can come up with is that in the morning as she had sat on the bed to get her pants on, she had had an accident then, and pulled the duvet up to cover it - that's happened once or twice before, as she has gone to get up in the morning OH stripped and remade the bed whilst Mil ranted about how someone must have deliberately poured water on her bedding, but thankfully, once he got downstairs, that was it - all quiet!

The TV incident was one of those occasions where I was left wondering if there was anything I could have done that would have placated or satisfied her? I didn't correct her, I sympathised, when I spotted a re-run of a game show that I know she sometimes watches I tried 'Oh look - that's the programme, isn't it?' - only to have her tell me not to be stupid, that I knew fine well it wasn't the one she wanted. I tried distraction, I stayed polite and nice, apologised because I 'couldn't remember' the name of the programme - didn't make a blind bit of difference, and I can't think of anything that would have stopped her blowing once she started.

I did a 'mega house clean' yesterday, so am hoping that as we are forecast sunshine, today I can just whizz through anything that needs doing and head out to a local nature reserves pond, on the hunt for dragon and damsel flies to photograph - an hour spent doing that will definitely be a lovely break!

Hope you all have a good day xxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Ann that's always the dilemma: could I have behaved differently? Just what I thought after last night's episode. Yes I should have let sleeping dogs lie. I could have locked all doors gone to bed and left Maureen asleep on the sofa. By trying to minimise distress i may have caused even more. Still as least i got to watch more of Lionel Ritchie's set on YouTube. Must remember in future music can either keep her 'on side' or if she doesn't like it encourage her to go to bed. I feel a cunning plan is available when needed. If only things were so simple..... Have a good day all bizarrites.

 

[Ann Mac]

Ann that's always the dilemma: could I have behaved differently? Just what I thought after last night's episode. Yes I should have let sleeping dogs lie. I could have locked all doors gone to bed and left Maureen asleep on the sofa. By trying to minimise distress i may have caused even more. Still as least i got to watch more of Lionel Ritchie's set on YouTube. Must remember in future music can either keep her 'on side' or if she doesn't like it encourage her to go to bed. I feel a cunning plan is available when needed. If only things were so simple..... Have a good day all bizarrites.

The second guessing is inevitable, but I sometimes think largely useless, isn't it GL? On another day, at another time, any of the tactics that you or I employed with Mil and Maureen last night, might have worked - but you don't know till you try and the annoying thing is that by even trying, you can sometimes make things so much worse and create a fraught situation that is even harder to get out of. I hope Maureens confusion abates soon for you, and that she feels more relaxed - and fingers crossed you get the extra support you have requested today xxx

 

[Grey Lad]

The second guessing is inevitable, but I sometimes think largely useless, isn't it GL? On another day, at another time, any of the tactics that you or I employed with Mil and Maureen last night, might have worked - but you don't know till you try and the annoying thing is that by even trying, you can sometimes make things so much worse and create a fraught situation that is even harder to get out of. I hope Maureens confusion abates soon for you, and that she feels more relaxed - and fingers crossed you get the extra support you have requested today xxx

Sunny day here and I have been listening to Willie Nelson on YouTube in the garden. Thank Buddha I found my Hudl. Just brush myself down pick myself up and get on with the Tai Chi. Another day another dollar.

 

[Spamar]

Good morning all! RedLou, so nice to hear from you. Shropshire is a place I haven't been to, but wanted to go to, if you get my meaning.
Grey and Ann, my mantra was leave sleeping dogs lie. Waking them up for pills was definately a no no. I was really pleased a year or so ago when his last evening pill was stopped,
Only a light shower yesterday, luckily. Bright and sunny at the moment.
Have a good day, all!

 

[Ann Mac]

Good morning all! RedLou, so nice to hear from you. Shropshire is a place I haven't been to, but wanted to go to, if you get my meaning.
Grey and Ann, my mantra was leave sleeping dogs lie. Waking them up for pills was definately a no no. I was really pleased a year or so ago when his last evening pill was stopped,
Only a light shower yesterday, luckily. Bright and sunny at the moment.
Have a good day, all!

We're a bit stuck with the tablets, Spamar - the angina and diabetes medication we can be flexible on time, but she has to have the second dose of both at some time in the evening Hope your tummy is back to normal now and you are feeling better? Shropshire isn't that far from me, you know

Getting some fantastic confabulations this morning - started with a claim that when she was younger she had 'bright red hair' (nope, mousy brown going to blond in the sun, but never mind ) which led to her spending £3.50 on hair dye, behind her Mum's back, when she was 17 - she went a bit off course then, digressing to a tale about the 'hansome tinker' she bought the dye off and how she had a bit of a 'fling' with him (shades of Mills and Boon?) then back to how her Mum caught her with the dye, threw it in the fire and 'clacked me one, right across my ear' - and then an incredibly detailed account of the resulting argument, that she started to get worked up about - I tried to distract by saying she must have had a well paid job to be able to spend that much on hair dye - which led to her discription of her ordinary job as a maid in a hotel (which is true enough) - and her well paid part time job in a show, where she danced on the tables and on the stage 'for business men' - and if her Mum had seen what she wore while she was dancing, she would have got another 'clack'

I really am beginning to suspect that my little Irish Mil was quite the wild one when she was young!!!!

 

[Grey Lad]

Hope she declared all her income. Don't want her to have to face a tax demand at this stage of her life.

 

[Ann Mac]

Hope she declared all her income. Don't want her to have to face a tax demand at this stage of her life.

Lol

After the hair dye and dancing for business men, she seagued into the trip she wants to go on with her class next week - Matron has said she can go because she has got good marks in her lessons lately - and how she wants to make sure that the blouse she is wearing this morning is washed and pressed for the trip, as she likes it for 'sentimental reasons' - when I asked what the 'sentimental reasons' were, she told me its just that whenever she wears 'this blouse' she gets lot of wolf whistles from the boys

 

[Spamar]

 

[Spamar]

Visited OH. The first thing he asked was why am I here? And the second when am I leaving?

Heard somebody shouting from out in the road. Astonished to find it was a friend of ours ( with dementia, probably worse than OH). I know he gets wrapped up in things on TV, but he was sitting outside! Apparently all the people upstairs who were sitting on the veranda went in!
OH was OK after that but out friend kept calling out. He was moved indoors, then to a table, then to his room.. Everybody else (residents) were telling him to shut up. The care assistants were doing their best, but he always started again after a few minutes. Couldn't believe what I was hearing! A good churchgoer with extreme language and shouting! Just goes to show!

Hot enough for everybody? No rain here yet, still sunny and bright.

Hope everybody had a good day.

 

[Grey Lad]

Lol

After the hair dye and dancing for business men, she seagued into the trip she wants to go on with her class next week - Matron has said she can go because she has got good marks in her lessons lately - and how she wants to make sure that the blouse she is wearing this morning is washed and pressed for the trip, as she likes it for 'sentimental reasons' - when I asked what the 'sentimental reasons' were, she told me its just that whenever she wears 'this blouse' she gets lot of wolf whistles from the boys

I can whistle could do with a subject for one of my few skills. Let's see the gal then.

 

[jugglingmum]

sparmar - sorry you've had a bad visit.

Hot here - good bike ride.

Visited mum yesterday. She's still not showered but was really well in herself. She remembered I'd said the house had sold for a lot of money (although she got the amount completely wrong) and seemed to understand she can afford a few nice bits of food! When she first moved in she sat at lunch with someone who was moaning about how expensive the place was and she's moaned about it and mentioned this person on and off ever since. She had clearly let the carer clean the flat today which is progress as well. Might try and get her round on Sunday, both kids will be at home in the afternoon.

don't hear wolf whistles that often now, although when shopping with daughter last weekend one lad looked her up and down so obviously he might as well have wolf whistled. She hadn't noticed in the previous shop a lad bump into me he was so busy looking at her. Chance for trouble ahead

 

[spurs50]

Confusion

Mils delusions/confabulations are getting more and more extreme - though Thank god, she isn't finding them upsetting and they are not stressing her out at all. But the sheer 'strangeness' and the absolute lack of logic behind them is breathtaking.

Just yesterday, we had her asking when her next exercise session was - you know, the one where she and the dog go to the gym!

We had her frantically looking for the 'Christmas Mobile phone' she had bought - she showed it to me, she said - the red one, that she is allowed to use to phone her brother at Christmas.

Last night she leapt out of her seat to go and 'clean that room'. What room? The one upstairs, where we play ten pin bowling, apparently - oldest daughter caught that one - I walked in to find Mil demanding that daughter accompany her up the stairs so she could SHOW her the bowling alley, and Mil then insisted that I went too. She went in every bed room, bathroom too - even opened the landing cupboard - but wasn't that worried when it couldn't be found.

This morning, she is worried about getting to her job at the theatre on time - the theatre where she wears the blue dress on the stage and there are horses

Because she isn't upset, then it doesn't worry or upset me, and its not stressful to deal with - but I am seriously puzzled by where on earth these odd ideas come from!

Have you had tested for a UTI? They can cause hallucinations.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

Not a nice start to your visit, Spamar - and it must have been distressing to see (and hear) your old friend so agitated Horrible what this illness does, how it so completely can change the beaviours and personality of people. We had a much fresher (though still very warm) day yesterday, which culminated in an unexpected heavy downpour starting last night - its still warm this morning, but curently looking very grey outside and very muggy.

JM - lovely to read that your Mum was so well in herself. Hope the visit to yours, to see the kids, goes well x

spurs50, the delusions, confabulations and sundowning are - sadly for Mil and us - a pretty much constant part of her dementia. They are certainly a lot worse when she has a UTI (Though she has been on a maintenence dose of ab's for several months now, and has been UTI free since then) or with any infection/illness, but even when she is as physically well as possible (given her other health issues), still she lives largely in a world where she believes all sorts of odd and sometimes awful things have happened or are happening.

Bad evening with very agitated sundowning for poor Mil (and us) last night. She started within an hour of coming home, when to give me a break after the last few days, OH had taken her outside with him as he pottered round. A really sudden and rapid descent into going home to her parents , accusations of kidnapping and keeping her prisoner and some really foul language. She had the completely fixed look on her face and couldn't/wouldn't listen to anything said to her to try and distract or calm her. On and on and on about why didn't OH think of how worried her Dad would be? Demands for the phone so she could call her parents. and when OH quietly and firmly stuck to refusing to discus anything with her (he'd already tried and failed with lwls and distraction) she would then turn to me, asking what I thought of 'all this'?, what did I think of his behaviour. One time, when I delivered the usual polite but firm 'I'm sorry you feel like that but I am not discussing' line she responded with she wasn't surprised - apparently I 'always was one' for doing whatever men tell me to do - which was news to OH!

She was just getting more and more worked up, and sending her to her room simply had her heading back down the stairs within minutes, still ranting and throwing out accusations. We'd yet to have tea, as son had volunteered to do the cooking and he tends to take his time getting any meal out, though Mil said she didn't want food anyway (nearly dropped when she said that - rarely is she so agitated that she refuses food!) . She started putting two fingers up at OH, calling him some rather nasty words and switched to wanting to know why he felt the need to have 'two women in his house' (?) though she didn't seem to think he was either her husband/boyfriend or her son. Back to wanting her Father - OH gently said to her to think about how old she is and how old her Father would be - she insisted she was just 39, and her Dad was fine and well - and looking for her. She just seemed to keep going up and up, and no mater how politely, kindly, patiently, firmly we spoke, no matter what we said, nothing was helping. She couldn't sit still or stop with a constant flow of comments, insults, demands and accusations and was heading to the door to get out or to look for the phone every few minutes.

OH made the decision to go with the diazapam - we only use it when she hits really extreme agitation, and last night definitely qualified. Its only a 2mg dose, and it seemed last night it took quite a while to kick in - she continued for over an hour after taking it If anything, she initially seemed to get worse, very childish face pulling, flicking two fingers, calling OH a b****** constantly. She was also - for a change - aiming her anger purely at OH, and I got told repeatedly how sorry she felt for me being stuck with a '&^%$£$%' like him! There was no way any of us were going to be able to eat - or do anything - while she was like that, so OH sent her to her room. He had to send her back up twice again, in the space of 10 minutes because she came down demanding the phone to call her dad, but then at least she stayed up there and we were able to eat in peace.

Once we finished eating, OH offered her her meal, which she decided she wanted and down she came - still no change and she ate her meal whilst throwing out nasty comments, demanding we 'let her go', telling us she wasn't going to eat the ribs on her plate (which she usually absolutely loves) as she had never liked them and they were 'horrible', berating us for causing her parents such worry and upset. So, back up again when she had finished. This time she stayed up there - the diazapam finally kicked in - OH took meds up at 8.30, finding her undressed and in bed, very polite and saying did he mind if she stayed in bed as she was very tired? So, I went up to make sure the pull ups went on, and she was like a little lamb - and actually said, as I was leaving the room, 'Thank you for looking after me' There wasn't a peep from her after that, and it wasn't till after 5 this morning that I heard her heading for the loo for the first time.

She missed visiting her friend last weekend, so hoping she is calm and Ok for that today - though I am beginning to think that it makes no difference to Mil whether she visits or not, I feel bad when either she is ill or too agitated to go see her mate - and I know her friend, who was so good to Mil whilst she still lived in her own house, looks forward to the visits too.

Hope you guys all manage to have a good day today xxx

 

[RedLou]

Ann - I know little about diazepam etc. but I infer that you are not using it often because of side-effects or addiction. (?) Question - and purely because of concern about you and family - couldn't you use it a little more often than you do and hang the side-effects? It sounds as if MiL gets so agitated that being sleepy (?) instead would not be a hardship. IE It might be in everyone's best interests to reach for it more readily and you should not feel guilty for doing so. -?

JM - hope she enjoys her power! As long as she has a firm sense of her own intrinsic worth, being gorgeous is no hardship.

Spamar - hope you are okay.

 

[Grey Lad]

Sounds a rough evening: makes my little lot seem like a minor irritation. Hope today goes well for you all.

 

[Ann Mac]

Hiya Red, I worry about the combination of diazapam with her other meds - but the main reason for not over using is that Mil seems to be able to develop a tolerence for medication pretty quickly - lorazepam, initially brilliant at calming her, ceased to help after about 12 months of use and it was eventually stoped completely. At the moment, although it takes a while to kick in, the diazapam does work and is our last resort/safety net, when things do get extreme. However, OH thinks we should use it a little more often and after a chat last night, we are going to try doing just that - not all the time, but if say after an hour she isn't calming, then we are making that our 'go to' and seeing if it helps. As OH says, any potential side effects are offset by the upset she experiences anyway.

Thanks, GL x

 

[Spamar]

Sounds a good idea, Ann, more diazepam that is. One thing you said struck a chord - the fixed look on her face. OH used to get that a couple of years ago when he had delusions. His face would harden, his eyes ( light blue) would glint like pieces of steel and out would come some extraordinary delusion. It got increasing difficult to cope with. With the odd bit of threatened/actual violence, until an antipsychotic was introduced. This worked, but his TIA rate increased, they were replaced by Memantine. But it was an extremely difficult time.

Electrical storm, thunder and sheet lightening, but no rain, which woke me up. Then slept until 07:00 which is late for me at the moment. Hot and humid now!

Can see me staying indoors today, sun blazing!

Have a good day, everyone!