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Sitting here with doors and windows locked.

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Oh Noorza. What a shame. Your poor mum - and poor you. It must be so hard. I'm glad you've found TP is supporting you through your troubles. x

I am in tears here, my mum is like a child who has had a massive temper tantrum who is saying sorry and craving affection afterwards. It's so sad, she was such a capable woman, just tears from me now.

I feel guilty because I didn't chase her for a week but I know if I did she would just get angry so it would be futile. I have to wait until the storm passes but while there is the storm the rejection is devastating no matter how brave I pretend to be.

TP has been fabulous so many wonderful people. xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,931
0
70
Dundee
I know it's easy to say don't feel guilty but try not to. What an awful disease this is. x
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I know it's easy to say don't feel guilty but try not to. What an awful disease this is. x

I had to cut her out until it passed Izzy, though of course I feel guilty. I went into self preservation mode and son preservation mode. She had left messages on my answer phone saying I was such a bad mum that my son would go into care. She said she would report me. For what I have no idea, if it is spoiling him then I am guilty. My son has autism he takes things literally while being high functioning. He was terrified for a short time that social services would take him away from me as I do give him the best life I can. I had to lock down the phones so Mum couldn't get through so as to not put him or me through any more trauma.

My son and I have a fab relationship, he was so scared his nan would tell social services lies. I had to reassure him that they would talk to him and everything would be fine. One look at him and he towers over me, is the fittest, healthiest and non abused child you could ever wish to meet. I don't even believe in smacking and managed until he is almost grown without smacking him. I have never smacked him.

She has threatened to have me done for elder abuse (it is her who hits me), to get me sacked, to leave me without being able to run my car after being sacked. The venom sometimes is unbearable, then later she regrets it. I know it's the illness.

She attacks nurses too.
 
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Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,516
0
Near Southampton
I ahve no words of comfort for you but I just had to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. It must break your heart, it would do mine.
Why is your sister so vindictive? Is she jealous of your relationship with your mother. she certainly sounds it. Sending love and sympathy. xxx
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I ahve no words of comfort for you but I just had to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. It must break your heart, it would do mine.
Why is your sister so vindictive? Is she jealous of your relationship with your mother. she certainly sounds it. Sending love and sympathy. xxx

My sister chose to have no relationship with my mother for 30 years. She could not visit unless someone was with her so she managed 2 or 3 visits a year for a few hours a time and no overnights. My mum has never ever been to her home in 30 years.

i think she carries a huge amount of guilt.

I think that I have filled the void left my her and the rest of my families absence, so she now feels that at the end of life she has to make amends which means convincing mum I am bad and evil (that has been taped). She can then feel better by taking over now. I am also worried that she has put mum in so many life threatening situations that maybe I am being kind to her and she just wants rid of mum. Including trying to get her life support switched off 10 years ago.

I just feel so sick.

I think she is sick.

I am happy to hear alternative views as I don't want to believe this is true.
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
What kind of a coward am I. It is my sister's weekly visit, she manages to get mum into a serious frenzy which leads to verbal and physical attacks on me. Sister in angry I wouldn't let her have PoA because she barely even visited for 30 years and doesn't help at all.

My friends rally round on a Monday because the temper frenzies are normally here by tea time. Mum is not in control she is easily manipulated, I don't blame Mum, I do blame the dementia.

I am in self-preservation mode after 20 years of being her only carer. How cowardly am I?

How did you go with INVISABLE???????? are you still LOCKED IN??
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
How did you go with INVISABLE???????? are you still LOCKED IN??

Mum has phoned in tears wanting to be my friend, she's heartbroken, what my sister is doing is so harmful to mum and I. Mum is so vulnerable. I'm devastated as I know she will listen to my sister again and blow up at me again. The relationship between my mum and my sister is toxic and there's nothing I can do about it.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I'm so sorry things are so bad. I wish I could say something helpful.

Thanks Izzy, I don't know how to get my mum to see what is happened to her and to me. I don't think I can. In the meantime my mum is in utter misery. My sister has now convinced her that I am depressed and need a doctor. I haven't spoken to my sister in several months so she knows nothing about how I am feeling. I pray Karma is a reality because she will have one hell of a dose coming.
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
Yep Noorza


think we are in same boat but have to say I get no support but they would never to anything to mums money that is the pits what a shame.

POA or not your mum needs to be protected you should be the only allowed to access her finances this is so wrong.

Im not working god forbid if my mum died tom I would not be able to run this house re bills etc..... and would have to get lodgers to pay rent.

I worry that my bro and sis would demand I get out of house if mum was no longer here??

BUT my other brother would not let this happen.

Like you my mum thinks the sun shines out of their backsides and i get the abuse??

All the times I thought my head was going to pop with rage when my mum says "you dont do a tap" "leave your sister alone SHE WORKS VERY HARD":mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
Noorza,

Am in tears reading that: I know exactly how you feel when my mum kicked me out at xmas last year I came in to feed cat when they were out and she had left a card gift and money??

Dont want to be too dramatic but I had to ring a womens refuge as the only friend I could stay with was a drinker and I couldnt be near him when he drinks as he is nasty although a heart of gold when sober??
The womens refuge said they couldnt help as even having a sofa to sleep on was not homeless?? How I managed I dont know but told my mum to shove her money etc...

And like you she was crawling all over me when they went back buying me things giving me money well stuff that, I took every penny and since then do not feel guilty I owe her nothing have done everything but wipe her bum but I guess that will come!!:(

GUILT nah been there done that IM AN ANGEL like everyone else on this site but know the abuse is going to get worse and just want away from this and know my mum is safe and cared for.

Also I would be like you and live near her BUT i hate this one horse town be easier If i liked it here and could move out near her but no can do will be moving 2hrs away so not too bad.

Have told my bro that if we need to get a home then she may move to a home near me and I would visit her everyday BUT could not live with her NO WAY done my time illness or not have been treated appallingly and have no guilty feelings left!!!!

:(:(:(:(
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I was summonsed this morning to see her. I said I was busy working and would fit her in when I could. She was looking for an excuse to talk to me and be friends and I wasn't ready.

I am such a t u r d.

This afternoon I got another call that I was needed this time urgently, she was shouting at my brother to stop hurting the dog, who wasn't there, it was my brother and our family dog 30 years ago.

Then she starts crying that she is losing her mind, saying sorry to me as I have been her carer for 20 years, telling me I am a fabulous mother and daughter, she doesn't know what she'd do without me but she wants to die it is too hard.

I melt as I always do after a nasty episode and see a frightened scared woman, who is hitting out as she can longer understand the world around her but she is still well enough to know she is losing her ability to think straight.

It's so heartbreakingly sad.
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I was summonsed this morning to see her. I said I was busy working and would fit her in when I could. She was looking for an excuse to talk to me and be friends and I wasn't ready.

I am such a t u r d.

This afternoon I got another call that I was needed this time urgently, she was shouting at my brother to stop hurting the dog, who wasn't there, it was my brother and our family dog 30 years ago.

Then she starts crying that she is losing her mind, saying sorry to me as I have been her carer for 20 years, telling me I am a fabulous mother and daughter, she doesn't know what she'd do without me but she wants to die it is too hard.

I melt as I always do after a nasty episode and see a frightened scared woman, who is hitting out as she can longer understand the world around her but she is still well enough to know she is losing her ability to think straight.

It's so heartbreakingly sad.

YOURE THE DEVILS DAUGHTER AND A SNEAKY WITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im no shrink but lets just say that in early stages I think they still know what they are doing?? My mum was always a manipulater and its now getting worse she told Doc that I was great.................SOMETIMES???? he could see my frustration! Oh she was in there telling him that my daughter had an accident and that HER health wasn't right with all the stress of the court case etc...............and how she wishes it was over??? YEH mum the real stress and the truth is that she is scared she dosnt want me to go??

So basically im responsible for my mums health ITS MY FAULT SHES ILL she missed an apt to see an endocrinologist last week he was annoyed with her and said this was very important SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS NOT WELL THAT DAY AS I HAD A ROW WITH HER:mad::mad::mad::mad: and the Oscar goes to..........................

Like me try not to feel guilty I know when they come back begging its like PUPPY EYES don't fall for it to help me not feel guilty I think of all the **** shes put me through I know its an illness but theres still a little manipulation going on like any old person my mums still quite sharp when theres a drama to create and get everybody who will listen to hate me!! Im a lot stronger than I used to be I have to be I hate this disease and the absolute mayhem it causes all around it I know this will tear this family apart further and am ready for what lies ahead BUT as my psychic said and she was right TAKE BACK YOUR POWER DONT LET THEM HAVE IT!!!!! hadn't a clue what she meant but now I see it I am her carer I have her best interests at heart and that gives me POWER!!!!:p
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
YOURE THE DEVILS DAUGHTER AND A SNEAKY WITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im no shrink but lets just say that in early stages I think they still know what they are doing?? My mum was always a manipulater and its now getting worse she told Doc that I was great.................SOMETIMES???? he could see my frustration! Oh she was in there telling him that my daughter had an accident and that HER health wasn't right with all the stress of the court case etc...............and how she wishes it was over??? YEH mum the real stress and the truth is that she is scared she dosnt want me to go??

So basically im responsible for my mums health ITS MY FAULT SHES ILL she missed an apt to see an endocrinologist last week he was annoyed with her and said this was very important SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS NOT WELL THAT DAY AS I HAD A ROW WITH HER:mad::mad::mad::mad: and the Oscar goes to..........................

Like me try not to feel guilty I know when they come back begging its like PUPPY EYES don't fall for it to help me not feel guilty I think of all the **** shes put me through I know its an illness but theres still a little manipulation going on like any old person my mums still quite sharp when theres a drama to create and get everybody who will listen to hate me!! Im a lot stronger than I used to be I have to be I hate this disease and the absolute mayhem it causes all around it I know this will tear this family apart further and am ready for what lies ahead BUT as my psychic said and she was right TAKE BACK YOUR POWER DONT LET THEM HAVE IT!!!!! hadn't a clue what she meant but now I see it I am her carer I have her best interests at heart and that gives me POWER!!!!:p

My son tells me not to go back that she is manipulating me but it's so hard to work out how much is manipulation and how much is this awful disease. She is ill again with a tummy infection and refusing to see the doctor, so I called them and got her some dioralite and immodiums. A couple of days ago I was within a hairs breath of calling social services safeguarding and the mental health team and telling them that I can't do this anymore.

But here I am back in carer mode and knowing I can't walk out on this bile spitting at times, vulnerable at others, woman. No matter how much I want to when she gets vile and goes on the attack for now I can't. But I couldn't move in with her either, if that level of care is needed she'll have to go into a home because the invisibles wouldn't take her in either.
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
So sad noorza but look chin up I suggest you TRY not to spend as much time with her its bloody hard but ive learnt to switch off a little bit and have escape routes planned at all times.

I don't know your situation does she have carers coming in everyday?? maybe extra help whether she likes it or not?

My mum thinks carers are cleaners and makes big lists of things for them to do:eek:

The nurse is coming today! so hopefully will get more help my back is so bad place is a mess if I didn't need the extra money we could pay someone to clean but if my back dosnt get better I may have to give up my few squid. then I thought you know what stuff this my sister could pay for a few hours about time they got their wallet out!!

I have had some very bad news this week "MY SISTERS CLEANER BROKE HER FINGER"

Lucky she has a private shrink eh?????????? Gosh my poor sis she may have to do a bit of cleaning up in her tiny flat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad::mad::mad:
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
Mum tried to kick and punch my front door in today, goodness knows what the neighbours think, how vile is this disease? Poor Mum wouldn't do this, only " dementia mum" would. I just kept the doors locked and windows shut. I've called social services this can't go on like this, so sad, so very very sad.
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
On a plus note the social services Start Team recognise I am close to breaking point and are putting me up the list for a holiday from mum where one of their workers will watch out for her instead of it being me. I've done it for 20 years, physical caring is a walk in the park, when it's mental health as we all know on this site it is hell.

Thank you all for listening to me.