Silences

[Chizz]

What an incredibly beautiful and heartbreakingly sad poem . Did it help to write like this ? If you can , write some more . You are indeed gifted x

Thank you @Mobbin17 - yes, the writing is therapeutic, but so is having a good old rant!

(There are a few of my poems already on the "thread" under "Forums", scroll down to "Poems" in the Members Area. I do not regard myself as gifted, but there are some gifted poets who have posted poems in that thread.)

 

[Ali L]

I am so lonely, it is breaking my heart and I am desperate. My wife has Alzheimers, and is physically good but we are so far apart. She has hallucinations that her deceased parents and brother are still alive and in the house, talking to them preparing food for them, as well as having several cuddly toys she thinks are alive, talking to them all day and putting out dishes of food. They even sleep with her [no room for me] and is relatively happy, but has little thought for me although I do everything neccessary in running the house , cooking, etc etc.
I am no spring chicken, and I realise it is the disease not my wife responsible for her actions, but this is cold comfort to my existence, and I wonder where it will end, or at times wish it would end.

Dear Svenson, I am so sorry to read your sad post, I can relate to many aspects of it, Alzheimer's disease is so devastating, and the impact on

 

[MIKE OLIVE]

My wife and I are 87 and have the same birthday and we were married 66 years ago by a dam buster navigator. Pat is now in a Care Home with vascular dementia and to be separated after all this time is heart breaking. I have limited visiting everyday and if she is not asleep, try different ways to occupy her, but her attention span is very limited. Reading to Pat seems to get most attention. Pat keeps on asking me when I am going to take her home. I was looking after Pat by myself at home until 4 months ago when she lost mobility and became unstable. Pat was taken into the Care Home against my wishes and if I had accepted daily visiting, nursing care to help me, she might still be at home, rather than being alone in a room, in a bed being looked after by strangers.

 

[Mimi2]

Hi @JSpil
Yes, you start to live together apart.

Yes its lonely and v painful.

Being doing it for some while now. He's a poem a wrote about this nearly a year ago!



Together Apart



In our bedroom, a wedding photo in a frame upon the wall,

She holds me tightly, eyes smiling, joyful. It really says it all!



We were together then, didn’t think we could be more aligned,

But over the months and years, we’ve become ever more entwined.



The clock alarm wakes me, weather forecast, what the headlines say,

Quick. The bathroom. Shave shower dress. Then downstairs to start the day.



I put the dining room light on, say hello and kiss her face.

“How yer doin’”, the carers say. Personal care is their place.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The first lie of the day.

Cup of tea, a sort of chat, then select what music to play.



Cooking, toilets, washing and cleaning are my every day,

Magazines to discard, tv programmes to heckle – her way.



Don’t know exactly when dementia came, to drag us apart,

It’s odd really, affects her brain, because it affects my heart.



Memories of sun bright carefree times; the change has been quite stark.

We thought the sunlight would continue, but now we’re in the dark.



Everyone has their own story to tell, so it’s been said

Now I am guardian of her tale, her voice locked in her head.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The last lie of the day.

Lower bed, tidy the covers, kiss her cheek, “Good Night” I say.



So on my own I go upstairs to a bedroom, no sweetheart,

Now we are two; I never thought we would be so far apart.



In her bedroom she can’t always sleep the night, so my name she calls,

She grabs me tightly, my eyes cry, fearful. It really says it all!


By Chizz

Apr23

©

Such a powerful poem. I can identify with it. It's such a sad time. I will include you in my prayers.
I feel your pain.

 

[John P]

Hello Everyone, it’s heartbreaking to read these posts for the first time, having just joined a few minutes ago. I am having to deal with both my parents, at the latter stages of Alzheimers and I’m very upset and wanting to cry most of the time. I’m absolutely shattered from the emotional care as well as the practical care I give them, they still live in the family home of 56 years but Dad wants to go home all the time and I don’t know what to say or do when he gets angry and wanders off, gets lost, forgets where he lives etc. I’ve bought a tracker but if he doesn’t wear the jacket I’ve put it in, I’m stuck, the local police are involved but how can I lock him in as I don’t live there.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @John P and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that now you have found us you'll find information, learn from the experience of others and feel supported by people who truly understand.

 

[jennifer1967]

could you put it on his keys, phone, something that he definitely would take with him. there is a thing called herbert protocol that some police have which you fill the form and its for vulnerable adults who wander. might be worth a look. locking people in maybe seen as a hazard or fire risk.

 

[DaisyP]

Hi @JSpil
Yes, you start to live together apart.

Yes its lonely and v painful.

Being doing it for some while now. He's a poem a wrote about this nearly a year ago!



Together Apart



In our bedroom, a wedding photo in a frame upon the wall,

She holds me tightly, eyes smiling, joyful. It really says it all!



We were together then, didn’t think we could be more aligned,

But over the months and years, we’ve become ever more entwined.



The clock alarm wakes me, weather forecast, what the headlines say,

Quick. The bathroom. Shave shower dress. Then downstairs to start the day.



I put the dining room light on, say hello and kiss her face.

“How yer doin’”, the carers say. Personal care is their place.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The first lie of the day.

Cup of tea, a sort of chat, then select what music to play.



Cooking, toilets, washing and cleaning are my every day,

Magazines to discard, tv programmes to heckle – her way.



Don’t know exactly when dementia came, to drag us apart,

It’s odd really, affects her brain, because it affects my heart.



Memories of sun bright carefree times; the change has been quite stark.

We thought the sunlight would continue, but now we’re in the dark.



Everyone has their own story to tell, so it’s been said

Now I am guardian of her tale, her voice locked in her head.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The last lie of the day.

Lower bed, tidy the covers, kiss her cheek, “Good Night” I say.



So on my own I go upstairs to a bedroom, no sweetheart,

Now we are two; I never thought we would be so far apart.



In her bedroom she can’t always sleep the night, so my name she calls,

She grabs me tightly, my eyes cry, fearful. It really says it all!


By Chizz

Apr23

©

Thanks for sharing. I fear this will be me in the next few years.

 

[SeaGirl]

Hi @JSpil
Yes, you start to live together apart.

Yes its lonely and v painful.

Being doing it for some while now. He's a poem a wrote about this nearly a year ago!



Together Apart



In our bedroom, a wedding photo in a frame upon the wall,

She holds me tightly, eyes smiling, joyful. It really says it all!



We were together then, didn’t think we could be more aligned,

But over the months and years, we’ve become ever more entwined.



The clock alarm wakes me, weather forecast, what the headlines say,

Quick. The bathroom. Shave shower dress. Then downstairs to start the day.



I put the dining room light on, say hello and kiss her face.

“How yer doin’”, the carers say. Personal care is their place.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The first lie of the day.

Cup of tea, a sort of chat, then select what music to play.



Cooking, toilets, washing and cleaning are my every day,

Magazines to discard, tv programmes to heckle – her way.



Don’t know exactly when dementia came, to drag us apart,

It’s odd really, affects her brain, because it affects my heart.



Memories of sun bright carefree times; the change has been quite stark.

We thought the sunlight would continue, but now we’re in the dark.



Everyone has their own story to tell, so it’s been said

Now I am guardian of her tale, her voice locked in her head.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The last lie of the day.

Lower bed, tidy the covers, kiss her cheek, “Good Night” I say.



So on my own I go upstairs to a bedroom, no sweetheart,

Now we are two; I never thought we would be so far apart.



In her bedroom she can’t always sleep the night, so my name she calls,

She grabs me tightly, my eyes cry, fearful. It really says it all!


By Chizz

Apr23

©

This breaks my heart, Chizz, as in many ways it is so familiar.

 

[SeaGirl]

That's beautiful, and so moving, @Chizz. You have a wonderful way of describing the day to day for so many of us here. Living together, apart - that's exactly how it is! It's so strange, as some days we just about manage to take it all in our stride and think we're "almost" coping. Then other days, oh dear! We notice every spill, tremor, confused look, scared expression and cry for help - or denial that help is needed. Every struggle to do what used to be a simple thing, every frustration, delusion and withdrawn, detached gaze. And each of these observations breaks our hearts all over again. It's like suffering a fresh bereavement, over and over continually. Groundhog days, I call these. We're stuck in the routine, the same struggles, and the same feeling of being so sad, but not allowed to express this. We have to keep moving forward - but forward towards what?? Ahead of us are so many more terrible things waiting to break our spirits.

Silence can be deafening, sometimes.

You too have put this into words more meaningfully than I ever could, Red Riding Hood. Sometimes I worry that my own ability to express the situation straightforwardly when someone asks 'how are things?' is slowly being eaten away along with my husband's life. I try so hard to look for the good in each day, but some days life seems like Sisyphus and the boulder!

 

[deborahh]

My wife and I are 87 and have the same birthday and we were married 66 years ago by a dam buster navigator. Pat is now in a Care Home with vascular dementia and to be separated after all this time is heart breaking. I have limited visiting everyday and if she is not asleep, try different ways to occupy her, but her attention span is very limited. Reading to Pat seems to get most attention. Pat keeps on asking me when I am going to take her home. I was looking after Pat by myself at home until 4 months ago when she lost mobility and became unstable. Pat was taken into the Care Home against my wishes and if I had accepted daily visiting, nursing care to help me, she might still be at home, rather than being alone in a room, in a bed being looked after by strangers.

Oh Mike, Do not beat yourself up about this. If she is lacking in mobility and you don't have 24/7 help it is impossible to manage at home. Even with 24/7 care lack of mobility can really snarl things up. We all do the best we can with the hand we are dealt. I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is a dreadful disease. If however you can afford 24/7 care at home and if you are her legal guardian and have power of attorney (or whatever they call it in UK (i'm in US)), you can bring her home. But think about this before engaging anyone. So so sorry.

 

[VioletRedDog]

My partner has vascular dementia and I’ve noticed more how he stares into space more regularly. He gets absorbed in his iPad and won’t speak for hours it’s very difficult to engage in conversation.. However if the phone rings and I’m speaking it’s as though he has to interrupt. We no longer watch the same things on TV as he is only interested in the same things several times over day after day … Were drifting apart when we should be together …
Just good friends really

My mom does something very similar with the whole 'staring into space' thing with the tv on. She doesn't even seem to be that engaged with what's going on.

It feels like the person has been replaced by an imposter walking around in their skin and it's very painful knowing it's just not them anymore.

 

[special 1]

Hi @JSpil
Yes, you start to live together apart.

Yes its lonely and v painful.

Being doing it for some while now. He's a poem a wrote about this nearly a year ago!



Together Apart



In our bedroom, a wedding photo in a frame upon the wall,

She holds me tightly, eyes smiling, joyful. It really says it all!



We were together then, didn’t think we could be more aligned,

But over the months and years, we’ve become ever more entwined.



The clock alarm wakes me, weather forecast, what the headlines say,

Quick. The bathroom. Shave shower dress. Then downstairs to start the day.



I put the dining room light on, say hello and kiss her face.

“How yer doin’”, the carers say. Personal care is their place.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The first lie of the day.

Cup of tea, a sort of chat, then select what music to play.



Cooking, toilets, washing and cleaning are my every day,

Magazines to discard, tv programmes to heckle – her way.



Don’t know exactly when dementia came, to drag us apart,

It’s odd really, affects her brain, because it affects my heart.



Memories of sun bright carefree times; the change has been quite stark.

We thought the sunlight would continue, but now we’re in the dark.



Everyone has their own story to tell, so it’s been said

Now I am guardian of her tale, her voice locked in her head.



Breakfast cereal conceals split pills. The last lie of the day.

Lower bed, tidy the covers, kiss her cheek, “Good Night” I say.



So on my own I go upstairs to a bedroom, no sweetheart,

Now we are two; I never thought we would be so far apart.



In her bedroom she can’t always sleep the night, so my name she calls,

She grabs me tightly, my eyes cry, fearful. It really says it all!


By Chizz

Apr23

©

Hi there . I had a bad night last night with my husband. Now I am reading your article with tears just flowing down my cheeks, I wish it would just all end. 🥱🥱