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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

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Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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So today I am on a journey of house cleaning, which seems to be taking for ever. I am curious to know where all of these spiders come from when I was more rural we seemed to have less? The long duster is full of cob webbs and I think I am being invaded.

The neighbours have a dog they never walk and their yard is full of dog pooh, so I now have a fly electrocutor in my back room/kitchen because it is unbearable, especially when they leave the bin they put it all in partially open. They are a strange couple, forever arguing but still together. I just wonder if the dog knows what its like to roam free in a park? I would love to have a dog, but the hours I work are not compatible to owning a furry canine friend.

My front hedge is a nightmare as the spiders who occupy it consistently weave their webbs overnight to the entrance and I repeatedly walk straight into it, to the extent I have spider bights on my arm and my back. I have no issue with spiders, but can't they find somewhere else to occupy? With all the flies its not surprising they are staying putt!

Everything has come to a standstill and I feel better but not complete as I used to. Yes @Jaded'n'faded I am a swan on the surface, but under the water is a whole load of different stuff going on and the weeds that tangle us can pull us backwards into an ever battle to move on.

I wish sometimes I had never walked this path, but then if hadn't where would my mum be?
 

Jaded'n'faded

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Jan 23, 2019
3,407
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High Peak
August is Spider Month here too. They don't generally bother me much (and I can set the cats on them!) but don't like the big ones that invade the house in August. They are so big you can actually hear them walking across surfaces or hear them land when they drop from the ceiling. It really is a bit much!
 

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DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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Sounds like finally there is a plan in place that is appropriate. If I were you I would stay in contact with the parties involved to iron any hiccups as they arise. Its so hard when all we want to do is be there for our PWD, but getting the right place with a good GP is always something to aim for and work on, despite the feeling we may be one of those 'problem relatives' ;)
My own GP is ready to register Mum with the practice if Hospicecare comes off, & the back up plan of the other placement have their own GP living on site.
I really don’t want to be too hopeful as I feel that I have been here so many times in the past 8 weeks … I’m just finding this whole experience so very difficult to rationalise
 

DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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August is Spider Month here too. They don't generally bother me much (and I can set the cats on them!) but don't like the big ones that invade the house in August. They are so big you can actually hear them walking across surfaces or hear them land when they drop from the ceiling. It really is a bit much!
No I’m not a cruel person but I really can’t cope with the scuttling furry legs … is it me do they seem to be getting bigger each year?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
My own GP is ready to register Mum with the practice if Hospicecare comes off, & the back up plan of the other placement have their own GP living on site.
I really don’t want to be too hopeful as I feel that I have been here so many times in the past 8 weeks … I’m just finding this whole experience so very difficult to rationalise
Hmm thats the hard bit, we somehow seem to be brushed to one side in all of this, it becomes a them and us scenario. Fingers crossed
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
Today I am like a cat on a hot tin roof!
I'm not surprised. Any news?

I am still cleaning the house, and finding out that mums care notes got mixed up with another residents -all incorrectly named. I did challenge this at the time, but was told the mistake had been corrected, I guess when there are so many agency staff similar names can get mixed up, to be fair both had the same first name and similar surname 🤨
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
Finally my living space is back to normality, still have my back room to do which is where I have dumped everything to go upstairs which was still outstanding from when I moved. Order is restored and yes I feel better after so long being bogged down with it all. I stopped asking myself what to keep and started asking myself what do I NEED to keep -its kinda worked.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
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I'm not surprised. Any news?

I am still cleaning the house, and finding out that mums care notes got mixed up with another residents -all incorrectly named. I did challenge this at the time, but was told the mistake had been corrected, I guess when there are so many agency staff similar names can get mixed up, to be fair both had the same first name and similar surname 🤨
Hospicecare sent the referral by the hospital ward , we got a copy from hospicecare - woolly & not completed properly ….. so it’s a no.

Asked for hospital transfer up near here & told no by the hospital ward.

Now being offered D2A bed - but can’t get clarification if this will cover funding for 24/7 nursing EOL palliative care.

Have found another placement & I know that it will be more expensive than the previous placement we found & still waiting to hear about CHC fast track funding.

Bed bureau keep being mentioned , but they are going to go for the cheapest option.

Im now mainlining Valium & hoping for oblivion …..
 

DesperateofDevon

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Jul 7, 2019
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Finally my living space is back to normality, still have my back room to do which is where I have dumped everything to go upstairs which was still outstanding from when I moved. Order is restored and yes I feel better after so long being bogged down with it all. I stopped asking myself what to keep and started asking myself what do I NEED to keep -its kinda worked.
I had a big clear out after Dad died , redecorated & felt lighter in spirit for it.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
I had a big clear out after Dad died , redecorated & felt lighter in spirit for it.
Mmm this was my second clear out of all the stuff mum kept after dad passed. I've kept it all boxed that I wish to keep so when I move from here I can finally settle and put it on display -if my next place is roomy enough, otherwise I'll have to re-think.

Any progress on your mum?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
Well finally the downstairs is complete, cob web (and spider) free and I have space at last, I think my mind is recovering at last.

Emma and Lisa came up yesterday and took me for lunch (Shirley is having a crisis with her daughter not coping and new born baby so didn't come), they've told me I have to move closer to work having realised how far I commute. I said I will eventually but for now I am in a state of limbo and can't leave homeground until mum decides its time. I think Lisa had to grapple with that in understanding the sentiment, but this is what makes each of us unique. Its not a part of my nature to just move away I see it as abndonment -if that makes sense. Plus when I am off, I am close to hand if I should get the call, which eases my anxiety, I want to do my best in being there for my mum as she was always there for me in many ways.

The counselling has turned into a fiasco. I was told that I would not be in a qeue, turns out there is a waiting list for months. OH might have to rethink there plan or purchase a service for me if they think they can speed things up. I spoke with the GP secretary and she told me their service isn't any good because they are not specialists in MH counselling -so in trying to resolve a way back to work I seem to be encountering the same old problem as everyone else -a systemic problem with anything not directly medical in nature. So after 6 years of stress, depression and battling the system ironically its my turn :rolleyes:. Clearly the best way forward for me is to find my own counsellor and go private, but I feel a certain sense of being trashed and then left to pick up the pieces with nothing in the way of any real support -my sense of worthlessness is rising again, I just think sod it, if this is how it is then I'm not fighting anymore, the inapt system wins!
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,407
0
High Peak
Well finally the downstairs is complete, cob web (and spider) free and I have space at last, I think my mind is recovering at last.

Emma and Lisa came up yesterday and took me for lunch (Shirley is having a crisis with her daughter not coping and new born baby so didn't come), they've told me I have to move closer to work having realised how far I commute. I said I will eventually but for now I am in a state of limbo and can't leave homeground until mum decides its time. I think Lisa had to grapple with that in understanding the sentiment, but this is what makes each of us unique. Its not a part of my nature to just move away I see it as abndonment -if that makes sense. Plus when I am off, I am close to hand if I should get the call, which eases my anxiety, I want to do my best in being there for my mum as she was always there for me in many ways.

The counselling has turned into a fiasco. I was told that I would not be in a qeue, turns out there is a waiting list for months. OH might have to rethink there plan or purchase a service for me if they think they can speed things up. I spoke with the GP secretary and she told me their service isn't any good because they are not specialists in MH counselling -so in trying to resolve a way back to work I seem to be encountering the same old problem as everyone else -a systemic problem with anything not directly medical in nature. So after 6 years of stress, depression and battling the system ironically its my turn :rolleyes:. Clearly the best way forward for me is to find my own counsellor and go private, but I feel a certain sense of being trashed and then left to pick up the pieces with nothing in the way of any real support -my sense of worthlessness is rising again, I just think sod it, if this is how it is then I'm not fighting anymore, the inapt system wins!
Well, that's completely bonkers! 1. you would never ever abandon your beloved mum and 2. she wouldn't have a clue whether you lived nearby or on Mars.

But... I completely understand! I well remember the awful feeling I had on the couple of occasions I had a few days away, while mum was in her care home. I couldn't wait to get home so that I could be available 24/7 and 'on-call' again. Ridiculous but true. It might make no difference to our loved ones but we need to feel that we are still there for them - always. Somehow, when I was back home and 'waiting', I actually felt more relaxed. So I think you need to stay put for now - you have enough to think about without moving house.

But I'm glad you saw your friends - you need to get some breaks from the waiting.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
0
Mmm this was my second clear out of all the stuff mum kept after dad passed. I've kept it all boxed that I wish to keep so when I move from here I can finally settle and put it on display -if my next place is roomy enough, otherwise I'll have to re-think.

Any progress on your mum?
Well umm no!
The CHC said that they were waiting to hear back from the ward , that was yesterday , & today an email stating the same . Feeling of deja vu
Another week of nothing happening -
fast track CHC ? 3rd Placement we have found & that agreed to have Mum waiting to hear from the ward?
seriously this whole situation is now ridiculous ! 8 weeks about to go into the 9th of Mum in hospital !
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
0
Well finally the downstairs is complete, cob web (and spider) free and I have space at last, I think my mind is recovering at last.

Emma and Lisa came up yesterday and took me for lunch (Shirley is having a crisis with her daughter not coping and new born baby so didn't come), they've told me I have to move closer to work having realised how far I commute. I said I will eventually but for now I am in a state of limbo and can't leave homeground until mum decides its time. I think Lisa had to grapple with that in understanding the sentiment, but this is what makes each of us unique. Its not a part of my nature to just move away I see it as abndonment -if that makes sense. Plus when I am off, I am close to hand if I should get the call, which eases my anxiety, I want to do my best in being there for my mum as she was always there for me in many ways.

The counselling has turned into a fiasco. I was told that I would not be in a qeue, turns out there is a waiting list for months. OH might have to rethink there plan or purchase a service for me if they think they can speed things up. I spoke with the GP secretary and she told me their service isn't any good because they are not specialists in MH counselling -so in trying to resolve a way back to work I seem to be encountering the same old problem as everyone else -a systemic problem with anything not directly medical in nature. So after 6 years of stress, depression and battling the system ironically its my turn :rolleyes:. Clearly the best way forward for me is to find my own counsellor and go private, but I feel a certain sense of being trashed and then left to pick up the pieces with nothing in the way of any real support -my sense of worthlessness is rising again, I just think sod it, if this is how it is then I'm not fighting anymore, the inapt system wins!
Admiral nurses
contact the neatest office & they will get back to you
brilliant counselling !
I text , phone , email & the support is fab .

The sense of worthlessness is created often by the system letting folks down. I have always had low self esteem & so blame myself for soo much . Ironically I have a art & psychology background 🤦‍♀️
yep it’s a case of council yourself - & can be found muttering away in my garden pulling up weeds ! Very therapeutic pulling up weeds !
Logically I know the answers & can rationalise situations ; but emotionally I am struggling & stress doesn’t help with that.
I am the person who everyone turns to when life deals them a **** hand , & I help folks through the tough times & am with them at the end .
it’s a privilege to be that person , but means I also need someone to be my person .
Even though things are grim for me atm , I am supporting a terminal friend , supporting a family with medical issues, & I hear my own advice & think why can’t I do this for me?
well I can’t … & I’m at rock bottom now but I won’t stop supporting those that need help. Thank goodness its over the phone , messages so no one gets to see the wreck of a person helping them through their crisis. I do this unpaid .

Please remember - The system doesn’t win , because of folks like you & others on the forums highlighting the issues of their failings . Not our failings theirs!
Just because the system has been created to make accountability a thing of the past , to prioritise profit over patient should never make another feel worthless . Bullies try to make folk feel worthless that’s how bullying works. I detest bullies , they have soo many sad unaddressed issues that they need to make others feel belittled & worthless to keep their own morale & ego boosted. If someone cannot empathise with another breathing living creature & recognise when they cause that being to feel sad , hurt, demoralised by their actions then that person has started to become the worthless part in society.
Decency, compassion, integrity, humanity might have no monetary value but are essential to a functional society . Not having those characteristics makes a person worthless within a functional society , so those lacking these essential traits try to devalue those who hold these qualities.
self worth is something we judge in ourselves, in the perception of how others see us . Learning to accept your own self worth is hard , & often an ongoing battle .
but my lovely it’s not a battle you are in alone ever , please remember that.

to quote a friend when asked how they are
“ I’m alright it’s all the other buggers that are the problem !”
many a true word said in jest

ps
mind you the other Pearl of wisdom from their mouth is
“ it’s as dark as a badgers **** in here!”

so many unanswered questions ….
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
1,011
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Re spiders, I bought a battery operated spider catcher from Lakeland a couple of years ago and use it regularly to catch the daddy long leg type spider which frequent my house at this time of year. They get sucked up a long tube and decanted in the toilet then flushed away! I read that these daddy long leg spiders are female and attract the hairy legged monsters that are male and come looking for a mate in the Autumn! So by getting rid of the females, I seem to have persuaded the males to keep away!

I hunt them out every day, the daddy long leg, ones seem to like corners of the ceilings so as soon as I spot one, the catcher comes out, sucks them up then it’s goodbye!

Best purchase I have made in a long time!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,023
0
Nottinghamshire
I know what you mean about having to be near your mother @Palerider. When I moved a couple of months ago I thought it would be fine if mum stayed in her care home in London. I didn't see her at all between March and September last year, and since then I'd seen her once a month. Although I'm now 150 miles away there are good train links to London and I assumed I'd carry on with the monthly visits. I very quickly realised how uncomfortable I felt with her so far away. My brother and his family aren't near her either, and my brother is still too ill to visit mum anyway, so if anything happened no one could get to her quickly. That's when I decided despite the potential difficulties of moving mum from somewhere she seems reasonably settled, I needed here near me. I want to tuck her under my wing and keep her safe. All of which is a bit silly as mum and I never had that sort of relationship anyway, but it feels like the right thing to do.
So glad you're house tidying is going well. I'm not a tidy person, but feel better when things look clean and in their right places. Years of living with my minimalist husband must have paid off. Hope the counselling comes through soon.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,280
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I know what you mean about having to be near your mother @Palerider. When I moved a couple of months ago I thought it would be fine if mum stayed in her care home in London. I didn't see her at all between March and September last year, and since then I'd seen her once a month. Although I'm now 150 miles away there are good train links to London and I assumed I'd carry on with the monthly visits. I very quickly realised how uncomfortable I felt with her so far away. My brother and his family aren't near her either, and my brother is still too ill to visit mum anyway, so if anything happened no one could get to her quickly. That's when I decided despite the potential difficulties of moving mum from somewhere she seems reasonably settled, I needed here near me. I want to tuck her under my wing and keep her safe. All of which is a bit silly as mum and I never had that sort of relationship anyway, but it feels like the right thing to do.
So glad you're house tidying is going well. I'm not a tidy person, but feel better when things look clean and in their right places. Years of living with my minimalist husband must have paid off. Hope the counselling comes through soon.
Totally understand wanting to have mum near you , I’m in the same situation .
x
 
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