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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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North West
Where to start...

Today I finally got to watch 'The father' at home rather than the cinema.

The film had me utterly confused until the end, but then I realised that was its purpose. It was just a tiswas of not knowing who was what or whom to me and I could never make complete sense of reality.

Lots of real moments but also lots of icon markers of dementia missing as well. This guy never wandered once even though he could of, I wonder if he wandered how much more confusion that would have fed into an already film production of making the viewer feel utterly lost in who was real and who wasn't. I recognised the carer issues and the refusals instantly, but the end was less sobering, my mum had been asking to see her parents long before she arrived in the care home -if only I could have made that part real for her.

Its an unforgiving film, with some portrayal of abuse as well but left in the land of 'did it happen'. I will have to watch it again, but first time round I think it made me experience the confusion and loss that comes with dementia -certainly had me on my tender hooks of trying to be detective to no avail
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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I`m not ready to watch it @Palerider

I`ve heard it`s cleverly done but see all these books and films more `enjoyable` informative and eye opening for people who have not experienced dementia rather than for those of us who have lived with it for years.

I`m a great admirer of Anthony Hopkins and would want to see any film he features in. Just not this one.
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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North West
I`m not ready to watch it @Palerider

I`ve heard it`s cleverly done but see all these books and films more `enjoyable` informative and eye opening for people who have not experienced dementia rather than for those of us who have lived with it for years.

I`m a great admirer of Anthony Hopkins and would want to see any film he features in. Just not this one.
I agree with you, I should not have watched it. There were no answers in this film other than raising awareness to those who have never experienced dementia, but even though I say that after watching it 10/10 for making me utterly confused -and in case anyone is wondering there are no clues to what was and is real in the film
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
It’s interesting to hear you talk about that film @Palerider. I’m another like @Grannie G. I really like Anthony Hopkins and in some ways would like to see him in this film. I’ve also thought about the film Super Nova with Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci, both of whom I really like too. I’m also like Sylvia in that I can’t bring myself to watch them. I rarely watch anything about dementia. Even though it’s 5 years since Bill died I find it too hard. I did manage to watch Iris not long ago and thought it was really good even though I ended up a wreck after (and during!) it.

Like you both say at least these films raise awareness for people who have no experience of dementia.
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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It`s strange @Izzy and @Palerider. I watched Iris too and it was excellent.

I think this was what might have told me I`ve nothing to gain from these films other than deep distress.
 

Bunpoots

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Apr 1, 2016
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Nottinghamshire
I’d like to see it. I’ve watched “Still Lovely” with Martin Landau and that was similarly confusing. There was the feeling of something not being right but no real clues at the beginning..
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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It`s strange @Izzy and @Palerider. I watched Iris too and it was excellent.

I think this was what might have told me I`ve nothing to gain from these films other than deep distress.

There’s a dementia centre on the Stirling Uni campus named after her - The Iris Murdoch Building. I loved her books too.
 

Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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I`ve just Googled Iris and the release date was 2002.

I can`t remember when I saw it but 2002 was the year my mother died and Dhiren was proving difficult to live with. It was a relief for me when my mother died because even though our relationship was flawed our whole life was taken over trying to do our best for her.

I went to see this film for some insight I think, whereas now I am in a completely different place.

I think it was 2003 before Bill was diagnosed @Izzy. I`m not sure about your mother`s diagnosis but probably we were both in a different place then.
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Bill was diagnosed is 2001 and died in 2016 @Grannie G. I’ve no idea when my mum got her diagnosis! I saw it on the notes at the bottom of her hospital bed when she was in for a UTI. She died in 2011 and I think it may have been around 5 years before that she was diagnosed.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
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North West
It`s strange @Izzy and @Palerider. I watched Iris too and it was excellent.

I think this was what might have told me I`ve nothing to gain from these films other than deep distress.
Hmm I certainly felt uncomfortable watching. Anyway I have put the movie to bed and decided its best not to watch it again, more because I have moved on with my own journey than anything else and to be honest it has evoked some things I would rather forget as I found out trying to sleep last night.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
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North West
Today has been quite ordinary. I ended up taking Nytol and overslept by hours this morning. The bank balance is **** and it isn't payday until Tuesday :rolleyes: -its going to be a long drawn out bank holiday weekend, wonder whats on TV?

I had planned to cook beef stew tonight, James Martins recipe, but its too hot, the car thermometer read 27 degrees as I drove to get some shopping in, which consists mainly of bank holiday survival food. I just happen to have some ciabattas and thin beef medallions, so I think a steak and onion ciabatta with,dijon mustrard is going to have to the trick for tonight. I find cooking difficult, because most of what I cook reminds me of how things used to be, I find myself glaring through the kitchen window in a memory transe.

My next visit with mum is on Weds, so I have that to look forward to and hope she is more bright eyed and bushy tailed than the last visit, but this is the world of dementia and the yoyo effect is ever present.

Rhi is trying to get her head round her mums new diagnosis and I have learned to take a step back and let her find her own way. Her mum and dad have gone away to their apartment in Greece which was planned because this might be the last time they can go. So next weekend I am climbing in the car and off to South Wales to stay at Rhi's for the weekend and we can chuckle over the things we used to get up to and set the world to rights for few days.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,733
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North West
Well a twist in the tale of mums CHC funding saga.

Today the CCG have approached the legal firm I have instructed and asked them to share the information they have on my mum, this is quite unusual. The records on mum or so extensive it is going take months to sift through. I have agreed to mums evidence being shared with reservation, IF the CHC maintain their assessors had all the inofrmation at the time on which to make the decision to withdraw, why now are they asking for information?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,733
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North West
Off the phone with Rhi, she said let the CCG have everything but why now? I was asking if I should pop down at the weekend and Rhi as always was full of spirits even though she has her own **** to deal with. She said just to let you know I have got rid of my cooker, all I have is my microwave and slowcooker which I use for the dogs food. I was like erm what I am supposed to do if i need to eat? , she said oh its OK K over the way will feed us . Over ten years ago Rhi had a gastric bypass and consequently has not needed to use her cooker since to the extent she has had it taken out. I said I might have to bring a bunsen burner to heat up my stew. I have also been threatened with walking the dogs and Sunday school to which I have strongly objected other than taking part on a log and given an endless supplly of coffee and pack of cigs.

Things just seriously get bad to worse with friends these days -we have agreed to watch a film called The Hippopotamus by Steven Fry -small wins!!!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,733
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North West
Things are hotting up on the CHC funding investigation with the CCG taking over the CHC asessors role -I'm curious to know what is going on as no one knows why this has happened now. I don't know what to think of this currently but I know I am at my wits end with the continued arguments over funding from both the LA and CHC. No one from the agencies is communicating with me so I have no idea what is going on. The care home manager said to let them sort it and not to worry, but I can't help but worry and the end of the day there is a care bill to pay by someone somewhere at some point. When this finally gets sorted I am going to take action as the last few months have been dreadful with constant worry.

I visited mum yesterday and I hoped she would be as perky as she was two weeks ago, but I am afraid not. She had a grey pallor and looked awful and the colour drained from her fingernail beds and hands and face. She was no engaging as she can be and I only stayed for ten mins as she wandered off, which wa painful to watch as she stumbled and hovered over the gaps in the hand rails in the corridor.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
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High Peak
I'm wondering if the CCG have asked for all the info so they can look at your mum's case as if they were doing the CHC assessment from scratch, rather than looking at the assessment that was done and pulling it apart. Is that possible? It could be a better way of going about thing, if they make a fair assessment on the facts and not do it as a tick-box exercise as it was done previously.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,733
0
North West
I'm wondering if the CCG have asked for all the info so they can look at your mum's case as if they were doing the CHC assessment from scratch, rather than looking at the assessment that was done and pulling it apart. Is that possible? It could be a better way of going about thing, if they make a fair assessment on the facts and not do it as a tick-box exercise as it was done previously.
There was no assessment at the time other than ad verbatum comments from an agency nurse. It was apparent that there was also confusion over my and my mums names when the CHC assesor first contacted me, this was later evidenced in that the wrong names were on mums care notes in the home -submitted by a then employed agency nurse. The CHC did not have access to any of the care records or GP notes and at the time they were not permitted to visit the care home to inspect mums records or exercise their professional acumen in applying fact to context. At the time I asked the CHC assessor these questions to which she said categorically she had sufficient information from the nurse who turned out to be agency. I asked her on what basis she felt she had sufficient information given she ws not able to view the care documents in the care home or the GP notes she maintianed she had enough infornation from the nurse but refused to divulge anything else. I was not given a copy of their DST and had been included as LPA after the fact.
 
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Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,733
0
North West
The whole thing is a travesty. It makes me so angry.
I honestly don't know what to say after this experience and I am sure many people on TP are not sure if this will ever affect them, but all I can say is that it may do.

I have nothing to say right now other to wait for some outcome either way but I do feel this is not right when all I want is to ensure mums fees are paid and by the circumstances I am blocked from doing so as matters stand.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,279
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I`m not ready to watch it @Palerider

I`ve heard it`s cleverly done but see all these books and films more `enjoyable` informative and eye opening for people who have not experienced dementia rather than for those of us who have lived with it for years.

I`m a great admirer of Anthony Hopkins and would want to see any film he features in. Just not this one.
I am with you on not being able to watch this . Living it has been enough. The auditory & visual hallucinations experienced by our PWD are always downplayed by many professionals, likewise the wandering & the PWD finding even early on themselves in places & not knowing how they got there.
Sadly for soo many if a film was to be made of their experience of dementia it would be too harrowing for public consumption.
My congratulations to the brave team that tackled this subject matter & tried to highlight the issues.
For me I will stick with happy feel good films , & animations by Aardmann !
who doesn’t love Wallace & Gromit !
x
 

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