My OH will not get in the shower, he particularly hates getting his hair washed. Its a walk in shower and I go in with him to help as he just can't do it himself. I think he's afraid of it. He's refused for the last 2 weeks so I've just had to use a flannel, so he hasn't had his hair washed. Any suggestions ?
shower phobia
- Thread starter vivian t
- Start date
This resistance to bathing or showering seems to be a common symptom @vivian t. Whether it`s fear of the water or fear of falling is anyone`s guess.
Have you tried holding the shower head so it doesn`t shower directly over your husband`s head? He might not like the water in his eyes, in his ears or sounding too loud
It could also be a form of losing control.
Have you tried holding the shower head so it doesn`t shower directly over your husband`s head? He might not like the water in his eyes, in his ears or sounding too loud
It could also be a form of losing control.
Sorry can't suggest anything for you but you aren't alone. PWD do start to have problems with showering. Not sure if it's fear or what. My OH has only showered 3 times this year. He does have a strip wash but isn't really the same but can't get him to understand. He just keeps saying how people didn't shower a few years ago. (Showered every day for at least the last 25 years)
Mum stopped bathing a couple of years back - she stripped washed herself for a while and now I do it. Maybe re visit it after a few days break to see if he has forgotten his worry with it?? Otherwise embrace the strip wash. Don’t stress about the hair - since covid I have discovered hair does clean itself! Mums is now in its best condition ever and we only wash it every 3-4 months - it used to be limp and it’s now thick and glossy!
before our bathroom was adapted, my husband couldnt get in the bath and the shower was over the bath. he had a strip wash where he could reach. i would bring a bowl of water in to soak his feet and wash legs etc. i used to use a flannel to wash his hair. i didnt use to use shampoo but shower gel i was using any way. it freshened his hair up and we did this for 2 years. yes it was a bit of a faff but he was always clean.
when my husband was young[hes now 75] they didnt have showers and had tin bath by the fire once a week. he didnt have electric until he was about 5-6yo as they lived on a farm. its really not going to matter too much. leave it a few days and go back to it. he may well come round to it in the end. maybe put the shower head lower than his face.
when my husband was young[hes now 75] they didnt have showers and had tin bath by the fire once a week. he didnt have electric until he was about 5-6yo as they lived on a farm. its really not going to matter too much. leave it a few days and go back to it. he may well come round to it in the end. maybe put the shower head lower than his face.
While travelling in UK in 1985, an elderly English gentleman asked us if it was really true that Australians shower everyday. He was quite astonished when we said that we did.
Good morning, my Mum is similar and has gone from showering every few days to rarely though she definitely does not agree and either has had a shower the night before or will do "later" if the issue is raised 
Have recently had some success with a no water required shower cap that has shampoo impregnated inside, you can warm it in the microwave beforehand and just massage the cap on the person's head to wash it. Towel dry afterwards then bob's your uncle! Got mum's from an alzheimer's product website (probably linked to from either this site or another somewhere! can't recall). I got mum to help massage the cap on her head in as I think she's at a point still where she can do tasks but has lost the motivation or insight. We did this in her front room as taking her in to the bathroom often results in distress or anger, it seemed to work well this time. Best wishes x
Have recently had some success with a no water required shower cap that has shampoo impregnated inside, you can warm it in the microwave beforehand and just massage the cap on the person's head to wash it. Towel dry afterwards then bob's your uncle! Got mum's from an alzheimer's product website (probably linked to from either this site or another somewhere! can't recall). I got mum to help massage the cap on her head in as I think she's at a point still where she can do tasks but has lost the motivation or insight. We did this in her front room as taking her in to the bathroom often results in distress or anger, it seemed to work well this time. Best wishes x
You’ve had lots of good advice here - I wondered if there would be anything here to help -
www.alzheimers.org.uk
When a person with dementia doesn’t want to change their clothes or wash
Find out how to support a person with dementia when they don't want to change their clothes or wash.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
I read that somewhere a while ago , that if you leave your hair without washing it for weeks ,it cleans itself. my oh used to shower every morning, now he doesn't want to ,he just has a wash all over with a flannel, I have to say to him that he should have a shower this morning....and he will, it's as if he needs to be reminded
When I fell and hurt my leg I couldn’t have a bath/ shower or wash my hair for 6 weeks I couldn’t believe how it was ok.
My cleaner washed my hair while I was standing over the bath which was a relief but I was still unable to bathe because of the dressing and my unstable mobility.
It gave me a much better understanding of the vulnerability felt by dementia patients Once the dressing was completely removed it took me a few days to pluck up the courage to have a bath in case I fell
My cleaner washed my hair while I was standing over the bath which was a relief but I was still unable to bathe because of the dressing and my unstable mobility.
It gave me a much better understanding of the vulnerability felt by dementia patients Once the dressing was completely removed it took me a few days to pluck up the courage to have a bath in case I fell
You will find with the hair that it will feel a bit limp just after thr normal time you wash it. But if you leave it at that point it will recover itself and be just as good! Mum has always had poor, limp hair - but it’s looking so good these days! I now only wash it when we reapply her hair dye which is 4 times or so a year 🤣🤣
Ive come to the conclusion all the expensive products are all a money spin!!
Ive come to the conclusion all the expensive products are all a money spin!!
Still couldn't get him in the shower so I took a bowl of water into the bedroom. It took half an hour to get him to take of the clothes he's had on for 3 days and nights. Washing and dressing the top half first helped. We tried the dry shampoo which made it look a lot better but he hated the noise of the aerosol.
Fortunately he's not a sweaty man LOL
Fortunately he's not a sweaty man LOL
I raised the question on here as to whether a shower was strictly necessary some months ago when my husband could no longer get upstairs to the bathroom. He did not like the water falling on his head from the shower head so until he could no longer get upstairs and I was helping him to get into the walk in shower, I found that a gentle soap all over in the shower followed by a slow trickle of warm water from the shower head to rinse was the only thing that he would tolerate. Hair was washed over the sink with a bowl of warm water in the sink and my telling him that I was now going to pour some water over to rinse. When he could no longer use the shower I took advice from here and strip washed him. He was very compliant and I think enjoyed the gentle touch as I washed and soaped him. Hair washing was done when he was sitting in his chair with a small amount of soap on a flannel followed by a rinse with damp cloths massaging his head which he enjoyed. Towards the end, when he was largely bed ridden the waterless aerosol soap was great and happily tolerated. No problems with odours with any of these methods. The general view of those who responded was that I should just continue doing what I was doing and not stress out because I was not able to shower him.
Thankyou. I'll give that a go. Me being stressed about it isn't helping him I know x
I really relate to this. I had a new shower room done for dad last summer. The shower has never been used. He gets a strip wash at the basin - not sure how as he needs to hold on with both hands so he doesn't fall over. I don't know when he last washed his hair ( luckily not much of it left) but it will be years rather than months.
Since OH came home from hospital in February after two weeks in Covid ward, he has refused to shower. He seems frightened of it. We don't have a walk-in shower so he would have to climb over the side of the bath and I think he just finds the while thing too difficult. He pretends that he will have a shower later in the day but he never does. He will let me wash his hair over the washbasin, which he seems to enjoy, and loves having me style it with the hair drier. Until recently he would not let me help to wash him. His feet got in a terrible neglected condition but we have now had a breakthrough and he suddenly will let me wash his feet and cut his toe nails. Social services can supply me with some steps to help him get into the bath, and a bath seat and grab rails. I don't think they will make much difference to his fears but I will try them before going the whole hog and having a walk-in shower installed. It's a daunting prospect. I have been told this work would take two weeks and we don't have another loo or bathroom in the house. I could not manage OH in a Premier Inn for two weeks and there is nowhere in the family that he could stay. The other alternative would be respite care for him, which I don't want to do unless it becomes really necessary. I have a feeling that it's the jet of water itself that causes his fears so I'm not sure that all the trouble and expense would be worth it.
you might find that even a walk-in shower may not work. with the work, we have a walk in shower and took 2 weeks. they did leave the toilet in until the last minute then just swapped it so never without it. with the bathroom, we used a bowl in the kitchen sink where we washed. my husband did my hair every night over it. it was worth it for us as my husband likes a shower [me doing it] and the shower is to the side so can direct it where he likes. we dont have doors but just a curtain as he was a falls risk. we have a fold down seat attched to the wall.
My husband has been unable to step in the bath for more than 2 years.
I can't get him to stand remotely near the wash basin and he's not a fan of the toilet also.
He thinks he's going to fall? I don't know. He has never fallen in the bathroom.
But recently pulled the wash basin half off the wall from a distance.
I now clean bits of him when I can! Including Simple Face Wipes for his face and head (no hair!)
Also Nil Aqua products ( from Amazon) - they are foam and you can rub them in then wipe them off e.g. With a soft flannel.
Baby Wipes everywhere too.
I can't get him to stand remotely near the wash basin and he's not a fan of the toilet also.
He thinks he's going to fall? I don't know. He has never fallen in the bathroom.
But recently pulled the wash basin half off the wall from a distance.
I now clean bits of him when I can! Including Simple Face Wipes for his face and head (no hair!)
Also Nil Aqua products ( from Amazon) - they are foam and you can rub them in then wipe them off e.g. With a soft flannel.
Baby Wipes everywhere too.
I've invested in some bumper packs of baby wipes and OH seems more amenable to those than a wash with a flannel or sponge. I have now been allowed to do some parts of him with the wipes, and to be honest, he seems to be enjoying the attention as he gets more used to it. I asked him if he would use the shower if he had steps and/or a seat, grab rails etc, and he said he regularly showers and he doesn't know what I'm talking about!
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