Is it time for Care?

[sunshine chrissy]

Hello Canary
I hope i am doing it right, i saw your reply about going onto to respitethen arranging residential care? If this is the right way to do it, I'd love ask more and explain my situation. It seems that I may be in the same stage. Thank you.

This is what happened to me,he went into respite care for 2 weeks on 16th Oct,was extended to 6 weeks,obviously he was monitored during the first 2 weeks.I then had a DOLS assessment(deprivation of liberty safeguard) It was then decided that he needed 24/7 care,he went into permanent care on 1st Dec.I was in pieces at the time but now I'm relieved,he's been in there 12 weeks now,I visit 3 times a week and other family members visit on other days but it makes no difference,he doesn't even know what day/time it is anymore or who's come to visit.I don't know how I coped for so long looking back,I actually feel lucky if that's the right word for social services finally listening to me with the help from a brilliant mental health nurse on my case these last 2 years!x

 

[Bevvywevvy]

First 10 years are the worst, after that you just kinda get used to it, trick is keep smiling and keep posting, always someone's here to listen.
K

Ah Kevin, I get exactly what you mean! Its just traumatic isnt it? Cannot believe that my dearest daughter has been sucked into the grips of such a wicked disease. We've had about 2 years of gradual decline, then a massive leap a few months ago.

 

[sunshine chrissy]

I have so much admiration for the people on this forum. The hard work, the weight of responsibility and the resilience to carry on. I know now that I can't carry on any more. My family are currently helping me to set up respite care, but I am going to look to moving forward to permanent residential care. Otherwise I think this will kill me. I am beyond tired.

❤️

 

[Mike Doncaster]

My husband has frontotemporal dementia (probably). His memory isn't the main problem, but his cognition. He simply can't do anything. He can no longer draw and paint or do all the jobs he used to do. He can't get himself anything to eat and drink. He can't shower or wash his hands or dress himself. He can't wipe his bottom. He is sometimes incontinent, and wears pulllups. He sits in front of the TV, but rarely actually watches anything. He struggles to understand what is going on around him, but he does remember things.

He has 2 days a week in daycare, but I am still exhausted and getting depressed in spite of taking antidepressants. Am I justified in looking for residential care? I just don't know if I am just being selfish.

You absolutely have to get him into care. My wife was a long time getting any sort of diagnosis. My family all knew that she was an incredibly horrible woman, no longer the lovely wife, mother, grandmother that she had been. We all went through hell. No diagnosis, no help. I was in utter despair, a mental wreck myself. I still don't know how I got through it. My wife was at one point diagnosed with alzheimers, since changed to frontaltemporal dementia. Most recently she's been Sectioned. Even 16 months after my wife going into care I am still mentally wrecked by the experience, still trying to recover. You have to think of your own mental health.

 

[Mike Doncaster]

❤️

You have to think of the toll it takes on you. You are not ducking out, you are ensuring the care that you can no longer give.