Shocking confabulations

[Joe91]

I’ve been to the doctors about this, and I think that they are going to refer my wife back to the memory clinic, but in the meantime, they don’t offer any advice on how to calm, comfort, react or cope, and I’m not sure the memory clinic will either. So here I am, asking complete strangers about a delicate matter. Can anyone help please?

My wife has dozens of confabulations (false memories – not hallucinations) a day. Most are harmless and I just ‘go along with them’. However, and apologies for the explicit nature, she has recently started accusing me of having sex with our granddaughter, in front of her.

It doesn’t feel appropriate to go along with this, but she gets visibly distressed and uncharacteristically angry when I don’t accept her memory, and she won’t let me comfort her. She typically forgets about it an hour or so later, but the frequency and intensity are increasing. Its upsetting to see her so distressed – what can I do?

 

[Hubbie]

This must be hard for you. I'm not sure I can give any advice other than to say accusations of infidelity are quite common once the delusions stage has been reached. My wife had a UTI 3 months ago and now regularly accuses me of seeing other women/prostitutes as she believes this caused it. Like you I just go with the flow for most delusions but with this one I do say it isn't true as I don't want to reinforce this belief. She also regularly accuses me of poisoning her food. When she does I'll just quietly explain it isn't true but leave it at that and in time it passes. Good luck.

 

[Joe91]

Thanks Hubble, for your comment about your wife,

 

[Blissy]

My husband, although not actually accusing me of affairs, has been really funny with me on a couple of occasions when there have been young males in the house including our grandson. I have put it down to the fact that my full attention was taken from him and he didn't like that. Have chatted to grandson, who comes and does some gardening for us, about it and now don't spoil him as much as I might have and it does seemed to have helped.

 

[Collywobbles]

Is there any chance that if your wife starts saying these things, that both you and your granddaughter could just quietly leave the room without making any comment? Maybe if the trigger situation has gone, that might calm her?

My Mum occasionally shows signs of being jealous of me when I’m paying attention to Dad or talking to him (“I’M his wife! Not YOU!”), so I ‘nip to the loo’ or ‘pop to the kitchen to make a cuppa’. When I go back a few minutes later, she’s forgotten all about it.

My Granny had some very explicit confabulations which she could describe in alarming detail, but thankfully they didn’t involve family or care home staff and were very obviously not based in any kind of reality. They faded off after a few months.

 

[Joe91]

Is there any chance that if your wife starts saying these things, that both you and your granddaughter could just quietly leave the room without making any comment? Maybe if the trigger situation has gone, that might calm her?

My Mum occasionally shows signs of being jealous of me when I’m paying attention to Dad or talking to him (“I’M his wife! Not YOU!”), so I ‘nip to the loo’ or ‘pop to the kitchen to make a cuppa’. When I go back a few minutes later, she’s forgotten all about it.

My Granny had some very explicit confabulations which she could describe in alarming detail, but thankfully they didn’t involve family or care home staff and were very obviously not based in any kind of reality. They faded off after a few months.

Thanks Collywobbles, maybe jealousy is a factor?