Saying Hello

[Junemac]

Hi all, I am new here and just wanted to say hello. I shall read through some of the posts until i become familiar with the forum.
My Name is June and I live in North East UK with my husband Sam. We care for my father who has terminal cancer and my mother who has had Alzheimers since being in her sixties, she is now 72. My dad is my mothers main carer but because he is so ill the main daily part of caring for them both is now in my hands. I do leave at the end of the day and dad copes until morning but its not the easiest situation as you probably can tell. Anyway thats just to let you know a little about myself and my involvement with the desease.

Thank you to Selena who helped me to get into the forum
June

 

[Haylett]

Welcome June - glad you have put up a post. It sounds like you have a lot on your hands caring for both your parents in different ways - but you'll get a sympathetic ear here and advice if you need it.

 

[Notwaving]

Hi June

This is a great forum. It helps by just writing down your thoughts and questions. There will be someone who has the same problem and will help you. It's a very kind and thoughtful forum. Hope you find the help you need x

 

[persil]

I feel so alone

I have read many very sad posts, this is an evil disease.
my husband is 36 years older than me in his late 80's, I work 70+ hours a week to pay the bills and go home to hell and I am exhusted.
He once loved me, now he is so agressive and rude, the worst aspect of this is the fact he will not wash or change his clothes, he hasn't had a bath for over 4 years, he sits in a wheelchair all day, although he is mobile, he smells dreadful and I can't force him to wash. I can't have any visitors in the house because he gets so aggitated, I can't get builders in to do urgent repairs, he thinks I should go up on the roof and do them. And the most hurtful thing of all is that despite having nothing of value in his room about 3 years ago he put a padlock on his bedroom door so that no one but him could go in, you can imagine the state this is now in.
I now have a very urgent problem with him, he has such poor circulation his hands go black unless kept warm on a hot water bottle, he will or maybe has developed gangrene, but refuses to see a doctor, the doctor will not come out with out him requesting it and I am stuck with this problem. I am told he has capacity, and as such can do as he chooses, even if he is putting himself at risk.
Can someone out their give me some advice, I have had no help or support from our GP surgery who will not intervene.
Should I write to them and say I can no longer take all this on my shoulders?
We have 6 children who are watching all of our home disintegrate including a 10 year old son who is embrassed by this and can't have anormal childhood, I feel like walking away. I have no normal adult life, no friends and no support, I would like before I get old to have this, I feel so bad and guilty I feel this way, I have struggled on and done my best. I feel I am personally judged by others because of the way he is and if he ends up lossing his hands or worse because he won't see a Dr, will someone blame me?? for better or worse hey!!!!

 

[jeany123]

Hello June I only joined this site in March, there are so many helpful people I am sure any questions you have will be answered ,my husband is 64 and he has vascular dementia I live in North East England .


Jeany x

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello June - a big welcome from me. I am sure you will find TP a friendly and supportive place to be.

Persil: I have sent you a private message and suggest you start a new Thread to raise your own problems which do sound extremely worrying. If you do so I am sure you will get loads of support and advice.

Best wishes to you both.

 

[persil]

How do I get to private message???

Hello June - a big welcome from me. I am sure you will find TP a friendly and supportive place to be.

Persil: I have sent you a private message and suggest you start a new Thread to raise your own problems which do sound extremely worrying. If you do so I am sure you will get loads of support and advice.

Best wishes to you both.

how do I get to this private message??

 

[jeany123]

how do I get to this private message??

click on notifications at the top of the page next to welcome and your user name

or you can click on private messages under forum home and bloggs

 

[jude50]

Hello June and welcome to TP. I have found the forum an ideal place for me to voice my worries, have a general rant but also to relax without feeling guilty. I'm sure you will get as much support as you need and more.

Jude

 

[Dazmum]

Hello June (that's my mums' name!) and welcome to TP. I was until recently looking after both parents and know how tough that can be, so I really do feel for you. I hope that you get a lot of help and support here, the kindness and knowledge of the people here is truly amazing.

Persil, I hope you do make your own post becuase there will be lots of advice for you too, your situation is terrible and I'm sure that something could be done to help you. I can't think that your husband locking himself in his room, and potentially having gangrene is having capacity. You should speak to adult social care, say that he is an adult at risk, query the fact that he has capacity, it is a significant hygeine issue, and this is impacting on the children of the family. Tell them that you need help otherwise he will be at risk of harm. The children are the key to you getting help as they are witnessing this unnacceptable behavour. I really hope someone will help you.

 

[BeckyJan]

Persil:
This snip shows you the Private Message box or as already mentioned you can go to Notifications on the top blue strip next to Welcome:

 

[Junemac]

Thank you so much for the lovely welcome from everyone, Already i feel less alone. I think the main thing is to be amongst people who won't judge you on your feelings good or bad when caring for the Alzheimers sufferer. I love my mother very much but sometimes she drives me mad, mostly I hurt for her and my dad and that is the hardest thing of all.
Hugs June x

 

[frazzled1]

Hi all, I am new here and just wanted to say hello. I shall read through some of the posts until i become familiar with the forum.
My Name is June and I live in North East UK with my husband Sam. We care for my father who has terminal cancer and my mother who has had Alzheimers since being in her sixties, she is now 72. My dad is my mothers main carer but because he is so ill the main daily part of caring for them both is now in my hands. I do leave at the end of the day and dad copes until morning but its not the easiest situation as you probably can tell. Anyway thats just to let you know a little about myself and my involvement with the desease.

Thank you to Selena who helped me to get into the forum
June

hi there,

Welcome to this site. I was in the same situation as you but the reverse...she with terminal cancer, he with Alzheimers...now i am in a slightly different situation but no less stressful, just different. Caring for them both is physically very very demanding i know, cos i became underweight running round all the time after both of them and ended up ill, but then i joined here after my treatment when i felt well enough to write and found the support on here a godsend! Hope we can all keep you in good cheer even when the going gets really really tough. It will do, but we will give you the superhuman powers to cope

 

[Busybee67]

Hi June

Welcome to talking point. This forum has been a life saver for me! You sound like an amazing daughter having to deal with both illnesses. My mum also has dementia and is now 69. I feel rather guilty after reading your thread as i will be my mums 24/7 carer this weekend as my dad is going into hospital for a minor operation and i am not looking forward to it. Sorry if that sounds horrible but just dreading the night time! (they have never been apart at night time before).
It sounds so hard for you at the moment but keep posting as it helps so much to write it all down.

Take Care
Busybee xx