1. debby13

    debby13 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    41
    Hi all

    Is it just me or does everything always seem to feel worse at night. Last night I went to bed and started thinking about Dad and what he used to be like and how wonderful he was etc. I was trying to remember the good times and feeling so sorry that they have gone forever and that we never knew what little time he had left. Plus feeling guilty for all the times I was sharp with him and how he used to iiritate me etc. I guess I am kind of grieving for him even though hes still here. Even when I see someone on the tube who looks a bit like him I feel all weird and sad. I keep thinking of everything he and I have missed out on like me getting pregnant with twins and him never really being part of it (even though he would absolutely loved it).

    Sorry all very sad I know just cant help it it at times.

    xx
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    no, it is not just you.

    At night, we are tired after the day. At night we may get a moment to think!

    This time of year, the night starts earlier as well.

    Thinking back over how things were, considering how they might have been - that's the body's way of sorting out the cupboards. We need to do it, and to treasure the good times.

    We can perhaps think also "what if things had not been as good as they were", that "things might be even more challenging now" - as well, of course of thinking they might have been better then, or they might be better now.

    Things often seem better when we can see a way forward, and there are often ways to do that, even in the worst of circumstances. The knowledge - or even the feeling - that we can make a difference, even a tiny one, can be a lifting factor.

    But don't concentrate on the might have beens, or the wish I'd done betters - treasure the good times and then try to look at the "what can I do now"s. If that makes any sense.
    :)

    Try to forget any remorse or guilt. We all feel those things, but there is not much to be gained by dwelling on them.
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #3 Margarita, Oct 23, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2007
    I was thinking like last night , because I was reading a book about Dementia and how the memory work what happen to the memory with someone with Dementia, it got me thinking about my own memory , how they seen to flash in to my mind late at night , use to cry myself to sleep , use to feel so guilty use to even scare me because it was all so sad how was I going to carry on forward when my mind so in the past I wanted the past not the furture , always at night it was worse .

    Then last night just thought how luck I was to have those memory still .

    Just tell yourself its normal to feel like your feel, for me it got better , sure it will for you
     
  4. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    I used to wake in the night and end up sobbing. I think I had been so busy with my toddlers during the day that the feelings didn't come out then. I would go to bed exhausted and wake a few hours later in the middle of the night and that was when I had time to myself to think and I would end up in a depressive loop until I would cry and cry.

    I think it was the start of the grieving process and as you pass through it and come to acceptance it does get easier..but it takes time and can still be painful.

    ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

    Mameeskye
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    The night and the morning can both be bad times.
    I often have a little weep before I am able to sleep.
    I lie in our bed and look at the empty half,I can see the indents where Peg used to lie,and that's sad.
    My head is filled with thoughts,regrets and if onlys,is that a word?
    It fits for what I want.
    The morning is also a trying time ,waking alone,thinking what I have to do now and what I used to do.
    If I have a meeting or some event to attend it is a little easier,but not much.
    It will get easier they tell me,I don't think so,it may become tolerable ,but that's all
    Norman
     
  6. debby13

    debby13 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    41
    Thanks to all as ever for taking to time to respond and write your thoughts to me....it really means alot more than I can say (tears are about to start again!). I think the trouble is everyone just copes and copes and copes and we are all so busy dealing with this symptoms and that one and this bit of medication and doctors and social workers etc etc its almost like you dont have time to let it all out and just sob your heart out. Reading peoples stories on here I find it so reassuring to know everyone feels the same at times.

    Norman your comment about Peg really brought a tear to my eye, how you must miss her, sometimes all we can do is just get through it with little expectation of anything else.

    Big hugs to everyone xxxx
     
  7. seymour

    seymour Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    7
    Yorkshire
    I have just joined this online community, my story wil appear soon once i find the courage to do so, it was whilst i was on a quiet night shift that i logged on and read some truly amazing stories that touched me and made me look at things in a different light.

    When you have time to think about things and you know you are not alone it certainly gave me the strength to see out the next day, so don't feel sad, alone get some positive feelings from this support.

    You need the strength of a good nights sleep to make it through the next day or so i think thats why sometimes on my quiet night shift that i read these stories and in a way they help me sleep when i get home in the mornings, they give me comfort even though i know that when i get up and have to deal with life again it doesn't seem too bad.

    This is my first response to any thing like this, hope it makes sense.

    Thank you

    Seymour.:)
     
  8. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    My really sad times are when I am taking our Jack Russell for a 'walk around the block' last thing at night. I often find myself in tears then but the mornings......oh the mornings - not good times at all. That's why I have come on here early on. despite the good day yesterday the tears are back with a vengeance.

    Love from Sammyb
     
  9. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Debby,
    Your not alone and things just become so overwhelming at times.
    No room for ifs or regrets, as Bruce quoted
    I hope that things become easier for you. Caring Thoughts Taffy .:)
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,108
    Toronto, Canada
    Debby,
    You are grieving for your father. Even though he is still here, the person he used to be is not. Night is the time when most of us have a quiet moment and then all kinds of thoughts rush in. So have a cry - sometimes a person really needs a good cry. We all feel that way sometimes.
    Love,
     

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