Hello Lila
I'm nervous to make suggestions as its impossible to know the situation of anyone posting on this forum but I guess by bringing all the possibilities that are out there - for people as they experience the very long dementia journey , in all its different phases, - they can pick and choose things that might help in individual circumstances. (Caring has ended for me now - although I still 'care' in a sense as work as a volunteer ).
When I was caring for Mum - on occasions a light would suddenly come on (for me I mean ) - "Why didnt I see that before?" When under stress sometimes we dont see things we would normally.
There were times when I didnt know what to do - Should Mum go to Dads funeral ? she wasnt speaking at that time - I didnt know what she knew, remembered etc etc everyone told me best if she didnt go - but it felt so wrong - but was I the daughter from hell if I took my Mum & something awful happened ? 2 days before , the curtain drew back - it was obvious - I had to ask her - I did & she spoke out, clear as a bell in a voice I'd long forgotten - First time in months - "I've got to be there" she said . I was on a high - Mum had spoken - really spoken - my 'old' Mum had come back to me - long enough for me to practically drag her to Managers office - I desperately needed him to hear this - to see Mum tallking & expressing an opinion - they had treated her as an injured baby - so caring but suffocating. Mums clear moment lasted long enough for her to raise her head & again say , looking into his eyes with a steely look (as if to say "I know you think I'm stupid and I'm not) , "I've got to be there". She didnt say anything else , except odd 'chatter' that was almost impossible to understand.
I have no idea if this would be appropriate - but would your Mum like to see a new flat - could she say if she likes it or not ? Leaving her present home is of course a major life event - but, like with my Mum - perhaps you never know , she may have been thinking about this herself anyway - most of us know we may one day , need to downsize our houses - it may come as a relief for her - to have you organize it - but she may need to feel in total control of the situation - thats tricky when in reality others have to the leg work . A move like this , for anyone , has to feel a positive one for the person moving & others , - I guess its good if theres a positive reason for it - its easier to accept - to be nearer someone say , & not 'because I cant manage the house or garden anymore" .
I hope this doesnt offend , it may be totally inappropriate , as Bruce , I can only relate my own experiences , for others to make what they will of them - I really feel for you & the stress you are under & hope it eases soon. Chris