Hiya chelsea girl,
Your post is probably outlining what I'll be feeling on Friday, when my Mil (who lives with us) goes into respite for a week, for the first time. It will be our first break in 21 months, and like you, I know we all (Hubby, 13 year old daughter who's still living at home) desperately need it. We have daughters 14th birthday at the weekend, which coincides with her performing in a show with her theatre group - we took Mil to the last two shows she was in, and Mil really struggled to cope, making both nights more about her than my daughter, and making it really hard work for myself and hubby, which just isn't fair. This time, we just want to go an enjoy, and focus solely on our daughter for the day.
I've already had a wobble about Mil going into respite, when the home she goes to for day care (sister home to where she is going for respite) contacted me last Friday to let me know that they are now also having some of the behavioural issues in day care that we have with Mil at home. They weren't saying that they couldn't cope, just that the level of agitation and the behaviours are 'worrying' and that they have noticed that she is very resistant to any form of reassurance or distraction - initially, this set me straight down the road of worrying if Mil would be too upset at respite for it to be fair to her at this point - but after some wise words from folk on TP, I've actually began to think well, if nothing else this demonstrates what hard work she can be and surely justifies us putting ourselves and our needs first and actually having this break. Whether or not that thought will be enough to hold off the guilt monster on Friday, when she is actually there I don't know - but I hope so.
I'm telling myself too, that for Mils long term benefit, if we are to have any hope and chance of being able to cope without having to resort to long term permenant care, that we HAVE to take respite on a regular basis now - it is probably exactly the same for you hun. So please, do what I'm going to try and do - remind yourself why you need the respite, remember that you and your needs are important, and also that in the long term, its as much for your Mum's benefit as your own that you are having this break - you really do deserve it xxxx