1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    139
    We have just dropped mum off for respite for a week. I feel terribly guilty but know deep down we need this time to rest and recover. I know she'll be well looked after, but still feel like ive abandoned her!. I have twin boys who live at home, ones girlfriend is 18 on wednesday and is having a get together which normally we wouldnt go to cos of mum. Its also our anniversary on tuesday (31 years) and were2 going out to dinner, like normal people, not carers . I mite ring the ch later to check on mum. Sorry to go on, just needed to talk it through with people that understand how we feel.
     
  2. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,701
    Hiya chelsea girl,

    Your post is probably outlining what I'll be feeling on Friday, when my Mil (who lives with us) goes into respite for a week, for the first time. It will be our first break in 21 months, and like you, I know we all (Hubby, 13 year old daughter who's still living at home) desperately need it. We have daughters 14th birthday at the weekend, which coincides with her performing in a show with her theatre group - we took Mil to the last two shows she was in, and Mil really struggled to cope, making both nights more about her than my daughter, and making it really hard work for myself and hubby, which just isn't fair. This time, we just want to go an enjoy, and focus solely on our daughter for the day.

    I've already had a wobble about Mil going into respite, when the home she goes to for day care (sister home to where she is going for respite) contacted me last Friday to let me know that they are now also having some of the behavioural issues in day care that we have with Mil at home. They weren't saying that they couldn't cope, just that the level of agitation and the behaviours are 'worrying' and that they have noticed that she is very resistant to any form of reassurance or distraction - initially, this set me straight down the road of worrying if Mil would be too upset at respite for it to be fair to her at this point - but after some wise words from folk on TP, I've actually began to think well, if nothing else this demonstrates what hard work she can be and surely justifies us putting ourselves and our needs first and actually having this break. Whether or not that thought will be enough to hold off the guilt monster on Friday, when she is actually there I don't know - but I hope so.

    I'm telling myself too, that for Mils long term benefit, if we are to have any hope and chance of being able to cope without having to resort to long term permenant care, that we HAVE to take respite on a regular basis now - it is probably exactly the same for you hun. So please, do what I'm going to try and do - remind yourself why you need the respite, remember that you and your needs are important, and also that in the long term, its as much for your Mum's benefit as your own that you are having this break - you really do deserve it xxxx
     
  3. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    139
    Thank u ann mac, deep down i know shes being taken good care of and by this evening i shall feel better. Your right it does become abt them and sometimes it just isnt!!. Have to remember others are as important if not more so. I think we do a marvelous job and thoroughly deserve our rests. Looking forward to a full nights sleep, the first for months . X
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,976
    Suffolk
    No, Chelseagirl, do not ring care home. If there's a problem, they will let you know. Assume everything is going OK. The first respite I had for OH, I went to the far west, too far to 'pop back' and I was so grateful I did that! No argument!
    I think if you made contact it would only serve to confuse. Let her settle in and do it her way!
     
  5. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    139
    Thank u sparmar. I understand what you said and ur right, she is so attached to me (im an only child) and would assume i was going to take her home. Last time she settled well so will leave it like that. They took my phone number so will contact me if they need to. Ur comments made me think and i know ur right!
     

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