1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Reality bites-this is not how I thought it would be

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by tre, Dec 8, 2015.

  1. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    497
    Lytham St Annes
    So very sorry for your loss, try and take care of you now too x
     
  2. Blimey

    Blimey Registered User

    Jun 6, 2012
    20
    Oh I realised when I posted I was not at the end of your thread and that David has since passed away so sorry for what must seem insensitive, I hope your ok you did brilliantly in terrible circumstances.
     
  3. Risa

    Risa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2015
    483
    Essex
    Very sorry for your sad loss Tre {{{hugs}}}
     
  4. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Tre, I am sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. We are thinking of you and your family at this time.
     
  5. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Tre, please accept my condolences. So sudden, but how I would wish my end could be; surrounded by love. X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. tigerqueen

    tigerqueen Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    75
    Essex
    Just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you and your family at this sad time. Sending love. Take care of you now x
     
  7. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Just stopping by to say I was thinking about you today, and wondering how you are. No pressure to respond, just wanted to say hello.
     
  8. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    I am ok in a dazed sort of way. Everyone has gone back now and I am on my own but in a way I was on my own a lot in the last few weeks when it was more comfortable for David to stay in and he just wanted quiet and me to be there to keep him company.
    His sons told me they felt a bit wary about sitting where David used to sit- I am the opposite in that I feel comforted by sitting where he used to sit.
    Tomorrow the bed and other equipment is all being taken back. I would not want to keep it but I think the big empty spaces left behind will be hard to cope with.
    I am a bit daunted by all the stuff I will need to do admin wise. I am hoping a friend who I know did a lot of this for her mum will help me.
    The thing I do find is that there seem to be many more hours in the day. It took me two hours to get David up and dressed and an hour and a half to feed him each meal.
    There is plenty of stuff to do. I have not even written a Christmas card yet but I am just avoiding these tasks with displacement activities.
    Tre
     
  9. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Dear Tre, felt very touched by your post. I could feel the empty space that David has left in your life. He was very lucky to have you caring for him right to the end. Now you must care for yourself as you attempt to put your life together, accept help to deal with the essentials, don't do anything you find difficult!!! Sending love and strength. X


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  10. bemused1

    bemused1 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2012
    3,403
    Tre these are early days and time is needed to reorientation yourself to a life without caring for david. Just take your time and don't feel pressurised by the season.
    I hope all goes well for you and I hope you will be back to tell usxx
     
  11. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    I am relatively new to TP and am gradually reading the threads - just read this for the first time and I am in tears but your David had the comfort of being in his own home with his loving family around him - what a wonderful woman you are to have coped so well. Your love shines through this thread like a beacon. I am so sorry for your loss but glad that you were able to be with him till the end in his own home. Sending all my love and much respect Jane xxxxx
     
  12. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Tre, these are wise words from pony-mad and bemused.
    It is only natural that you should feel dazed still, and you will need time to adjust to your loss. Christmas comes, and Christmas goes, what is important is that you look to yourself now. What you have been through, are still going through is what matters, so please try not to take on any extra pressure, regardless of the season.
    Only do what you feel you want to tre.
    You are in my thoughts,
    xx
     
  13. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    363
    I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  14. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,792
    Female
    Essex
    I can imagine the big hole in your life and the empty feeling you must have. It must be hard to adjust to not being a "carer" any more. I am sorry you are going through this hard time but I am sure it will get better little by little. As you say, you must keep doing the displacement activities to occupy your mind.
     

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