Question

Burdgeselina

New member
Mar 12, 2023
3
0
Hi I would like to understand an issue pls if someone can respond.... My mother has vascular dementia, I ve had many professional people including social services, visit my mum at home, ask questions and be happy with the answers??. From a late stage patient, when family have asked for support for mum to shower and personnel issuses yet mum tell them she's OK she to proud or dnt see that she has a problem!! Seriously I don't get the system where mental health is involved yet you trust the patients answer🤔
 

Fredalu

New member
Jan 28, 2024
7
0
Of course your mom doesn't see a problem. She is losing the ability to discriminate fact from fiction, especially when it is about her. She has an inkling that things are different but cannot reason that it is her. Sometimes we must just agree with the person just to placate them, but then continue to do what is necessary for their well being. It is so effing hard. Keep working with the system, it is overloaded too.
You are not wrong in wanting some help.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,477
0
Southampton
they can do host mode. that is they can keep up appearances for a short while in front of other people. my husband has vascular dementia and i help with his personal care. he can manage some himself. if a social worker, nurse etc asked, he would say hes fine and doesnt need more help. with vascular, they seem to have difficulty with logic and reasoning. the memory tends to be a later thing. unless they know your mum hasnt got capacity then they cant go against her wishes even if its not a wise choice. they are allowed to make wrong decisions and have them respected.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,529
0
Kent
Hi @Burdgeselina
It's v difficult. The PWD cannot reason or employ logic and so you cannot reason with a PWD. You have to find another way. In early stages a PWD may still have capacity to make decisions and to understand a Lasting Power of Attorney and, if necessary, a new Will - so get these organised as soon as possible. Explain how best you think you can persuade your mum to agree.
Most medics regard dementia, of whatever variety as not being a mental health issue, but being a physical issue as it is in fact a brain malfunction - messages get mixed up (whether finding the right word or not, or even messages to move muscles etc)
After quite a period of non-acceptance or denial a PWD begins to realise that things are not fully normal and that gives rise to frustration and anger.
The professionals will come to realise that your mum is confused and can't understand things or can;t follow instructions, when they start to accept that you can speak for mum. So persevere.
But, sooner or later it comes down to what does the PWD need rather than what they want (or don't want) that matters.
Best wishes.
 

Burdgeselina

New member
Mar 12, 2023
3
0
Thankyou for your responses much appreciated and helps to know different ways to help support and remembering its more wht the pwd needs to keep them indepently and home.
 

LouiseW

Registered User
Oct 18, 2021
127
0
Hi
My Dad is now contentendly settled in residential care so the phase you are in is now in the past for me but the trauma of being the ignored carer is still with me.
You will find that because of ingorance about the mental impairment caused by dementia and the ludicorous rules about capacity that come from the Mental Capacity Acit 2005 you and your mum will be forced to experience a number of challenges and downright dangerous situations that should never have occured if people listened to you rather than your mum.

You need to arm yourself with as much evidence about your mums behaviour and real abilities as you can and use it at every opportunity.

Sometimes you will feel like you are going mad - you are not it is the world that is mad you are sane, the one with the most knowledge about you mums conditon and needs and as a carer you are a superhero so remeber this.

Good luck and I hope you have a smoother ride than me.

xxxxxx