I've told S this is cack handed care. She was defensive. Said any turn will be hard now. Said mum is peaceful. She is NOT. Great. More memories I don't want in my head space.
Poor Piedsmum is poorly again.
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Hello Dearest Pied , You are all still in my thoughts wishing you all a Peaceful & Comforting evening
Much Love & Strength
Love & lots , lots of gentle Hugs
Oh Pied just read your new update & am confused as to why the Carer 's did what they did & yes AGREE it was cack handed Care at its very worst ( am sorry & mad for you & your Mum ) Special Vibes you can calm your Mum down as am sure you can dear Pied
Love Grove x x x x
Much Love & Strength
Love & lots , lots of gentle Hugs
Oh Pied just read your new update & am confused as to why the Carer 's did what they did & yes AGREE it was cack handed Care at its very worst ( am sorry & mad for you & your Mum ) Special Vibes you can calm your Mum down as am sure you can dear Pied
Love Grove x x x x
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Dear Pied, just catching up on the posts that I wasn't able to read all of whilst running my meetings today.
So sorry to read this latest problem which is so distressing for you - maybe a small dose of morphine could help your mum to settle and relax again? Just enough to reduce her level of agitation and help ease her to sleep should she wish to. If that is not forthcoming then try the lavender on a tissue by her pillow of just tucked inside the top of the front of her nightie and that will help her calm and maybe doze.
You have been in my thoughts so much today and now I am home, I am back here with your TP family sharing and supporting you and sis and your lovely Mum
Gentle caring and supportive hugs for you all
Celia
xx
So sorry to read this latest problem which is so distressing for you - maybe a small dose of morphine could help your mum to settle and relax again? Just enough to reduce her level of agitation and help ease her to sleep should she wish to. If that is not forthcoming then try the lavender on a tissue by her pillow of just tucked inside the top of the front of her nightie and that will help her calm and maybe doze.
You have been in my thoughts so much today and now I am home, I am back here with your TP family sharing and supporting you and sis and your lovely Mum
Gentle caring and supportive hugs for you all
Celia
xx
I told mum I'm going to take her to my house so we can get some peace.
While all this was going on, who turns up but my son. Wants to see his gran- shocked because he didnt realise how ill she was despite me telling him. She was delighted to see him and blinked 3 times. Little P shouted "Hi gran" from the car park. Mum heard her And gave a loud sigh.
Please can someone help us here cos we feel we have failed my mum. We promised her peace to sleep.
While all this was going on, who turns up but my son. Wants to see his gran- shocked because he didnt realise how ill she was despite me telling him. She was delighted to see him and blinked 3 times. Little P shouted "Hi gran" from the car park. Mum heard her And gave a loud sigh.
Please can someone help us here cos we feel we have failed my mum. We promised her peace to sleep.
NO Pied, YOU haven't failed her at all. I hope she will settle soon. She knows she has loving family around. You haven't failed her. Not a bit. You're the kindest, most caring daughter and I'd be proud if you were mine.
You have definitely not failed your Mum, Pied. No way.
You only have to read back a few pages on this thread to remind yourself of that.
Everyone here, I know, agrees that you have given your Mum an amazing thing....if only it wasn't for those carers.....
Massive hugs, lovely. You will get through this. Just concentrate on doing whatever you need to do just now.
These moments will pass, and we'll all still be here xxxxx
You only have to read back a few pages on this thread to remind yourself of that.
Everyone here, I know, agrees that you have given your Mum an amazing thing....if only it wasn't for those carers.....
Massive hugs, lovely. You will get through this. Just concentrate on doing whatever you need to do just now.
These moments will pass, and we'll all still be here xxxxx
Carer 's should have been told
Hello Dearest Pied , As your Mum needs **EXTRA Special Care ** the Nurse in Charge of the Whole Shift should have told & explain very well to the so called Carer 's how to change the Pad with out hurting your dear Mum
Am only going on how things are done in N H where I work
Sorry if this makes you upset Pied & please ignore if you wish ( just thought it might help in some small way )
Much Love , Comfort & Strength
Love & Hugs Love Grove x x
Hello Dearest Pied , As your Mum needs **EXTRA Special Care ** the Nurse in Charge of the Whole Shift should have told & explain very well to the so called Carer 's how to change the Pad with out hurting your dear Mum
Am only going on how things are done in N H where I work
Sorry if this makes you upset Pied & please ignore if you wish ( just thought it might help in some small way )
Much Love , Comfort & Strength
Love & Hugs Love Grove x x
I would have a chat with 'them' and say you don't want things doing things by routine anymore....you want peace and quiet for her and if she needs changing you will let them know.
No more tick boxes and checks.
No more coming into the room unless there is a good reason, no more....
peace, quiet and pain relief is what she needs.
Oh Pied...I know....I remember the pain of a cleaner mopping under the bed of my moments from dying little girl. XXX
No more tick boxes and checks.
No more coming into the room unless there is a good reason, no more....
peace, quiet and pain relief is what she needs.
Oh Pied...I know....I remember the pain of a cleaner mopping under the bed of my moments from dying little girl. XXX
Hiya Pied,
As bad as the turning distressed your mum, maybe sometimes these things happen for a reason...she got to see her grandson visiting her and was awake enough to hear Little Pied's greeting. Maybe talking about them both will be enough to restore your mum's peace and quiet.
On the other hand it also reinforces why you are there...at her most vulnerable you are able to speak up on her behalf. In your position I would be telling them that nothing is to be done to your mum without first consulting with either you or your sister.
You're doing just great.
Fiona
As bad as the turning distressed your mum, maybe sometimes these things happen for a reason...she got to see her grandson visiting her and was awake enough to hear Little Pied's greeting. Maybe talking about them both will be enough to restore your mum's peace and quiet.
On the other hand it also reinforces why you are there...at her most vulnerable you are able to speak up on her behalf. In your position I would be telling them that nothing is to be done to your mum without first consulting with either you or your sister.
You're doing just great.
Fiona
Pied, just say to your Mum (in the sort of words you would have used for such situations in the past) something along the lines of
"Silly woman, she should have realised you didn't need to be turned and messed about like that. But its OK, most of them had realised and have been giving you superb care - sis and I have made sure that it won't happen again - can promise you that Mum. So, its OK, you're safe, try to relax, we are here looking after you and we will make sure that doesn't happen again"
And repeat the words you chose that fit how you are that is along those lines, and then just repeat, she is safe, you and sis are making sure of that...just relax.
Oh Pied, just get rid of the idea you have failed your Mum - you have been the most amazing support - shown and shared such love you have for your Mum. You are the furthest from being a failure that you could possibly be.
Huge hugs - keep on being you and being as you have been - your Mum couldn't ask for or want or get more loving support than she has from you and sis.
Celia
xx
"Silly woman, she should have realised you didn't need to be turned and messed about like that. But its OK, most of them had realised and have been giving you superb care - sis and I have made sure that it won't happen again - can promise you that Mum. So, its OK, you're safe, try to relax, we are here looking after you and we will make sure that doesn't happen again"
And repeat the words you chose that fit how you are that is along those lines, and then just repeat, she is safe, you and sis are making sure of that...just relax.
Oh Pied, just get rid of the idea you have failed your Mum - you have been the most amazing support - shown and shared such love you have for your Mum. You are the furthest from being a failure that you could possibly be.
Huge hugs - keep on being you and being as you have been - your Mum couldn't ask for or want or get more loving support than she has from you and sis.
Celia
xx
Oh Pied you have not failed your Mum at all you & your Sis have done the best Caring & Peaceful Job that your dear Mum could have wished for
Wishing you Peace & Strength Pied very soon & Positive Vibes your Mum is allowed the Morphine
Much Love , Comfort & Hugs ( am going to light a *Real Candle * for you all
Love Grove x x x
Wishing you Peace & Strength Pied very soon & Positive Vibes your Mum is allowed the Morphine
Much Love , Comfort & Hugs ( am going to light a *Real Candle * for you all
Love Grove x x x
Oh Pied,
I'm so sorry this has happened. It won't happen again, because I know you won't let it. It won't be what you remember, I promise, because mistakes were made in my own experience and I have to put it down to "mistakes". I choose to remember the tenderness of the staff, and the serenity of the most part. Nobody failed your mum, least of all you, because nobody meant to hurt her, but I agree that maybe it's time to stop, or at least review, the routines. Some, now, are not so necessary.
They stopped turning my mum a while before she died. A pillow was gently placed under her left side, then later her right, but it was hardly "turning". They let the mattress work alone. The hospice nurse reassured me on that one, and I chose to accept it. The turning was always done, in mum's case, to prevent long term pressure sores, but at the end of life, this wasn't a concern. The air mattress moved mum to stop her muscles seizing, and she showed no distress from not being turned any more. This is only my experience, of course, and other people may offer different advice, but sometimes you just want to yell "WILL PEOPLE JUST LEAVE HER ALONE????".
When dealing with the eventual loss, one of my greatest comforts is that nobody can touch her anymore. She can be left alone, and there's a lot of peace to be gained from that.
I wish from the bottom of my heart that peace resumes and that your lovely, lovely mum is restful again very soon, xxxxx
I'm so sorry this has happened. It won't happen again, because I know you won't let it. It won't be what you remember, I promise, because mistakes were made in my own experience and I have to put it down to "mistakes". I choose to remember the tenderness of the staff, and the serenity of the most part. Nobody failed your mum, least of all you, because nobody meant to hurt her, but I agree that maybe it's time to stop, or at least review, the routines. Some, now, are not so necessary.
They stopped turning my mum a while before she died. A pillow was gently placed under her left side, then later her right, but it was hardly "turning". They let the mattress work alone. The hospice nurse reassured me on that one, and I chose to accept it. The turning was always done, in mum's case, to prevent long term pressure sores, but at the end of life, this wasn't a concern. The air mattress moved mum to stop her muscles seizing, and she showed no distress from not being turned any more. This is only my experience, of course, and other people may offer different advice, but sometimes you just want to yell "WILL PEOPLE JUST LEAVE HER ALONE????".
When dealing with the eventual loss, one of my greatest comforts is that nobody can touch her anymore. She can be left alone, and there's a lot of peace to be gained from that.
I wish from the bottom of my heart that peace resumes and that your lovely, lovely mum is restful again very soon, xxxxx
Don't be afraid to ask for more morphine. You will know if she needs it - or if she would enjoy it - better than anyone. My mother loved it. And she only had it for half a day.
I had one shot of morphine. Wow! They gave it to me to relax me and my muscles, a quick shot in the thigh. I am not one to experiment with drugs, even medications (see how I like stuff like coconut oil!) Well the morphine made me feel I was already in heaven. I hallucinated fluffy white clouds, gold linings, blue sky. Utterly carefree and blissful. Actually all I was seeing was hospital corridors from the seat of a wheelchair.
I hadn't a care in the world. I understand how people can opt out from difficult circumstances in favour of that bliss.
Morphine as pain/stress relief? Yes.
So glad your Mum has you, Pied and Sis. Thinking of you. Gentle night to come I hope, no turning, just peace for you all. Hugs BE
I hope your mum has settled again Pied. How lovely that your son and Little P were there too.
Surely at this point, Mum doesn't need to be turned. I would definitely ask them to just leave her, so she can sleep peacefully.
You are doing brilliantly.
x
Surely at this point, Mum doesn't need to be turned. I would definitely ask them to just leave her, so she can sleep peacefully.
You are doing brilliantly.
x
Dearest Pied , Am wishing you all Peace , Love & Comfort for the evening & night to come & your dear Mum is Peaceful & Restful very soon
I think Butter is right about the Morphine you should ask for it
Much Love & Strength to you & your Sis
Love & lots & lots of Healing Hugs
Love Grove x x x
I think Butter is right about the Morphine you should ask for it
Much Love & Strength to you & your Sis
Love & lots & lots of Healing Hugs
Love Grove x x x
Dear Pied,
Why am I not surprised at the total thoughtlessness of the staff
You are there Pied. I was there throughout with Alan and in the end he died in the most awful agony because of the squabbling of the nurses that came in. They had been provided with all the medicines that would be necessary for the syringe driver to see him to the end but the nurses couldn't find the paperwork and therefore refused to give him what me and the GP had worked so hard to make sure was available. They squabbled in front of Alan and me and the Hospice nurse who they tried to blame and as I was asking them to leave the room I turned round and missed the moment Alan died I actually said "and now because of your incompetence you have robbed me of the experience of being with Alan right up until the end". Don't worry this will not happen to your mum but it incenses me that professionals can be so incompetent. The paperwork was there all the time. They did try to blame the Hospice at Home nurse and the first thing I did was request they they ring the hospice and tell them that it was nothing to do with that nurse. They did do this as they had no choice because I did complain about this. That Hospice nurse was so relieved.
You are there for your mum. You are doing your best. You can't control everything as I found out with regard to Alan. I did decide never to dwell on the bad stuff that happened at the end. It was a conscious decision and one I do not regret. It was one thing that I could control and it meant that they did not have the complete victory in ruining the rest of my life. I will hope this for you too Pied. You are doing the best you can in such stressful circumstances and even you aren't superhuman. You are human and have frailties and you are doing a wonderful job of being guardian over your mum. I am sure you will tackle this issue of turning and check about the mattress. Alan had an air mattress which meant he could be left in peace as it did its own work.
Love and a (HUG)
Why am I not surprised at the total thoughtlessness of the staff
You are there Pied. I was there throughout with Alan and in the end he died in the most awful agony because of the squabbling of the nurses that came in. They had been provided with all the medicines that would be necessary for the syringe driver to see him to the end but the nurses couldn't find the paperwork and therefore refused to give him what me and the GP had worked so hard to make sure was available. They squabbled in front of Alan and me and the Hospice nurse who they tried to blame and as I was asking them to leave the room I turned round and missed the moment Alan died I actually said "and now because of your incompetence you have robbed me of the experience of being with Alan right up until the end". Don't worry this will not happen to your mum but it incenses me that professionals can be so incompetent. The paperwork was there all the time. They did try to blame the Hospice at Home nurse and the first thing I did was request they they ring the hospice and tell them that it was nothing to do with that nurse. They did do this as they had no choice because I did complain about this. That Hospice nurse was so relieved.You are there for your mum. You are doing your best. You can't control everything as I found out with regard to Alan. I did decide never to dwell on the bad stuff that happened at the end. It was a conscious decision and one I do not regret. It was one thing that I could control and it meant that they did not have the complete victory in ruining the rest of my life.
I will hope this for you too Pied. You are doing the best you can in such stressful circumstances and even you aren't superhuman. You are human and have frailties and you are doing a wonderful job of being guardian over your mum. I am sure you will tackle this issue of turning and check about the mattress. Alan had an air mattress which meant he could be left in peace as it did its own work.Love and a (HUG)
Fiona I have had to walk out of Mum's room for a breather. I can't stand looking at her. Her eyes are open and she's been struggling for breath with every breath. I'm sure she wants to sleep and she can't. I thought I'd give her a little space and time. I'm so fed up.
I wanted Mum to have a good death and it seems to be a bad death now. Am I just overtired? X
I wanted Mum to have a good death and it seems to be a bad death now. Am I just overtired? X
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